can someone expert help me...marriage help?

Question

my husband and i stay far..we got into some argument he got pissed off and ask not to call him till saturday afternoon..means 4-5 days..he wants to think..wht he wants to think..when i asked he didnt replied ..wht shud i do..shud i call him n say sorry or shud i give him his time n space so tht he understands my importance too....even it hurts me when he say this...i m confused....

hy few min back my husband called me...we spoke nicely for 5 min then he got busy with work..this means he loves me so much n he cant stay with me..we didnt discuss about argument ...this means we shud behave normal or shud i still give me space...now wht.....

Answer 1

It sounds to me that he just needs time to think things through and that is ok. Let him think and give him his space to do so. Yes you should call him to say you are sorry and ask him for forgiveness but at the same time dont bug and pressure him! Give him the space and time that he needs. Dont pressure him or nag him. Just pray for him and trust God for your marriage. May I suggest the book the power of a Praying Wife to you by Stormie Ormartian. It is a great book and they sell it at Walmart. Since he wants his space you take time to think things through too and try to change yourself and learn from your mistakes and learn how to become the wife you need to be for him. I am here if and when you need to talk. I understand why you are confused and hurt but so is he. Why don't you try to find a person or counselor to talk with and also ask him if he is open to going to a marriage counselor with you. See if he wants to work on the marriage or stay apart for a while. But do what he says and wait till Saturday afternoon. Respect him for this and give him this time and he will love you for it. Hope this helps some. I hope things get better for you and your marriage soon. Here comes hugs your way today.
http://www.marriagetoday.org

Answer 2

I am pretty sure there is far more to this than you have written. I've made certain assumptions based on your facts - first, that you and your husband are having to be separated Monday-Friday, seeing each other only on weekends. Second, there was a big argument and he told you he didn't want to speak to you the entire week. I am going to also assume that the argument is not resolved - that you are both still angry.

This is tough, given the fact that you are not seeing each other during the week. Your phone calls should be your lifeline to each other - your connection. These phone calls are important - very important. Problem seems to be that they have also become a source of irritation because you are arguing over the phone. On it's face, one can understand why he would not want to talk on the phone if all you are going to do is argue. (And men, especially, don't want to argue - they are pretty confrontation-avoidance people. It is even worse for a guy to argue on the phone because then ALL it is are words! No facial reading, no physical proximity - just beating back words. Hard on guys.)

So you might want to feel you should give him his space and time. Trouble with that is that the argument still simmers - there is no resolution - you are both brooding about it - and positions become hardened. THAT'S no good.

(And I am sure SOME people will tell you that he could be cheating on you and just wants the freedom to do that. Sure - it's a possibility, but you didn't mention a concern there, so I am not going to factor it in.)

Unless you really are sorry and are willing to capitulate, then I would not call him to apologize. However, I would call him and tell him that you are not calling about the argument - that the two of you can deal with that when you are together. Tell him that you are calling because you love him - no matter what the argument is about - and don't want to have this hard feelings lingering between the two of you - ever - and especially when you are having to be at a distance all the time. Then, don't discuss the argument - ask him how he is doing; how did his day go; how is he eating and sleeping; is he taking care of himself - tell him how you are doing - what you are doing - how thiings are going - talk about the good stuff! And end the phone call on a kind and loving note. Tell him you miss him and look forward to his coming home.

Then, when he gets home, don't jump right back into the argument. It will come up eventually when it needs to be solved. Just take care of your relationship with your husband and then you might have the space and peace the two of you will need to work it out.

Good luck!

Answer 3

give him some time to think then, whatever it is, you didnt say if you argue always. he got pissed off then let him cool down for a while. The best time to talk about things is if both parties are calm. dont wait for the 5th day though, call him and ask him nicely to talk things out. If the cause of argument is your fault, then apologize. Im sure you two will be ok. Pray for that too

cheer up

Answer 4

first of all any man who says they need days to think and be alone, 9 times out of 10 they are not alone, they are testing the waters with someone else, they just need time for that, best thing to do is call him and either leave a message or be straight foward about the conversation, and tell him if he wants to be with u then he needs to come back right now because ur not going to wait, u need a man who will be with u , by ur side, and work things out together, and if he dont want to come home right away, then to stay where ever he is at, because ur moving on , to find someone who cares enough about u to want to be with u , ,,,,,most guys , not all but most, ,,if they know they have a woman who will just sit home and give them thier SPACE, ,, will take advantage, and go testing the water other places, ,, u dont need that , and u probably deserve better than that

Answer 5

It depends on what you're fighting about. How long have you been married? If you're fighting over something that is serious (a threat or abuse), then maybe distance is a good thing. If you're fighting over something that is irrelevant (a simple argument over who spilled the milk), then yes, you should call and appologize. Are you willing to change things in your life to save your marriage, if need be? Sometimes distance can be a good thing, but the lines of communication should be open all the time. But with all honesty, it depends on what the argument started over in the first place.

Answer 6

Usually when I hear of a man wanting time alone to think, I think of an immature male. Men do not need 4-5 days alone to think about marriage problems. Sounds like an excuse to me to be separated and do what he wants. You know him better than anyone so if you think a call would help go ahead but this kind of behavior will continue if you do not fix it together.
This marriage is in deep trouble and you need counseling asap.
Good luck!
G.G.

Answer 7

He is being manipulative and controlling. In a marriage two people love and respect one another and dont treat each other like that. Time out yes but agreed upon by two parties if it is really that bad. He is punishing you and he knows it. This si not a healthy relationship, use this so called time out and evaluate your marriage and reflect if this is common behaviour. Seek help from a woman's refuge or service for advice. You have done nothing wrong, conflict in a marriage is normal but his behaviour is not. Take care

Answer 8

I would give him the time he may say what he has and return. I would call him Sat. to see how is he is doing and to let him know how much you miss and love him.

My husband and I split for about a month and I thought that is what I wanted until I was gone. I was ready to go home. I really missed him and now our marriage is much stronger. Good Luck and Best Wishes.


dp

Answer 9

I think women in general gives in to their man too easily. Sometime we even say sorry when we know it should be him saying sorry. If you do this, he will not respect you and think he can do whatever he wants in the relationship. Give him some time to think and that way it will also give you time to cool down and think also. You need to sit down with him and work out a workable solution to the problem without yelling and screaming at each other. If you can't do that then get a friend/councillor to be your mediator.

Answer 10

If i were u i wouldnt call at all. i will wait till he calls me even after saturday. But it depends on whose fault the fight was. if it was his, then definietly its better to wait for him to call because otherwise he's gonna start taking you for granted. TRUST ME. if u were the one who picked the fight & u dont think it was reasonable then wait till Saturday & call hi. But if u DO think that your idea was reasonable in the argument try not to call. What happnes a lot of times is that we women make the first call because we feel bad. but it'll backfire. Try to keep yourself busy with other things for these few days.