Is anybody going through separation right now?

Question

I have been married for 12 years and I am about to make the big step of getting a divorce.My husband does not love me anymore and these past years have been more fights than happiness. Our relationship has been going down as the argues come. I have two daughters and I feel completely clueless about what is coming during this separation for them. He is either with someone else or he is isolating himself for depression.The big concern is that he does not show up to see my girls. Can anyone guide me, maybe with places to join and make this process less painful?

Answer 1

First of all, you can do it, and it';s going to be okay!

That said (and I believe it!); the next few months may be difficult for you all. Most people go through the "divorce crazies" for around 6 months (give or take) after seperation. Be prepared for the meotional ups and downs, and you will be able to weather them better. Check out some books on separation and divorce at the local library.

Your girls will be going through their own adjustments. Be sure to keep communication open, and let them express their concerns, fears, and even their anger. Tell them what you need to about the breakup, but not more than they need to know (and you will know what they need to know by what they ask, say, etc)

A family counselor might be a good idea for the three of you if you can do it. Also a family clinic may be able to tell you of any support groups for you and/or the children. There are probably some good ones online, too.

Do lots of things together with your girls, to forge that new family togetherness feeling with the new, smaller, family. Never bad talk their Dad. Ever. Don;t cover for him either. He will have to deal with his own actions towards them, whether he spends time with them, etc.

Again, you will get through this. So will your girls.
(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

Been there.

Answer 2

Divorce is never easy, and there are millions going through the same thing as you. But I think in your situation, I think it is better to be seperated rather than be married and frequently fighting. I understand how much stress it can put on you, and right now I think the best you can do for yourself and your family is get some counseling. It might help your daughters too. Your husband might not be up for it, knowing men. They never want any help because they want to seem like they know what they're doing. Most of the time however, they don't. Just take things day by day, keep things open between you and your girls, and be good to yourself. Good luck

Answer 3

I'm currently going through the same situation, I have two kids and they are younger so my daughter doesn't understand but my son is 6 and trying to explain to him the reason his dad left is a little difficult but I think he notices a difference in our household, no more stress and fighting and we have more fun. Their dad comes and goes in their life, when it is convenient for his schedule, but they know their stability comes from me because I am the consistant in their lives. You can be the same, talk to your girls, listen to their feelings, it could help you as well. Depending on where you live and how comfortable you are with the internet, there are many resources at your finger tips to get over your ex, emotional support for you, learn how to help your children with their feelings. Divorce is not easy, but you will live a healthier life when you can get rid of the negative part that brings you down. Family and friends are always the best medicine for support and advice. Wish you luck and think about the positives to come. Live for the now, your kids need you to be strong.

Answer 4

I am going through the same thing, I am trying to get my daughter into counseling, etc, but the biggest thing I have found to help her believe it or not, I found many many books for kids on divorce and Dads not being close/involved. She has come out of her shell and seems much happier, they also help her to know what questions to ask, where as she only knew she was hurting before but couldnt understand or put words to any of it. Heck the time is confusing enough to us, imagine what they go through! Just be there for her and lend more of a listening ear than you do a talking mouth. Hope that didnt sound rude....

Answer 5

You can seek the help of a marriage counselor or your parish priest or pastor. You can join Christian Family Movement if there is one in your parish. You can also join a community like Couples for Christ or Prolife groups near your place. The best thing you can do now is to pray for ENLIGHTENMENT, not only for you, but most especially for your husband. Don't worry we'll include your concerns in our daily prayers. You can email me at [e-mail]

Answer 6

Find a local counselor and go talk to them. I got divorced from my wife about 5 years ago. There is life after divorce, and I am living proof! But it took a long time and it wasn't easy. Funny thing is, she wanted me back2 years later! If that happens to you just do what I did slam the door. Though we are good friends now :) Oh, but seriously go to counseling, it saved me from my depression. I was starting to think ending it all would be preferable to living without her. Counseling really got me through that.

Answer 7

hello there.. i know i'm not old enough to answer such question and i may be not as wise as the elders are.. but you know what i think both of you should go out some time. talk about your relationship and try to work it out for your children. you can cook dinner for him. do something that would surprise him and would let him feel that you still care.

Answer 8

check if your area has parent without partners. I think its like $25 to join

Answer 9

I wish you the best of luck and I hope you are happy someday real soon.

Answer 10

be strong...you can do it....seek out a good support group for help.