CAn my son live with me?

Question

My son is coming up to 9yrs old. I have 3 children in all 2 girls and a boy. My son hasnt been getting on with his mother for over a year. I have talked to his mother and asked her to talk tohim about it. However she hasnt. It has not escalated to the point that for the last 2 months my son has asked to live with me. firslty i though he was just angree at her. However he says he really misses me and wants to live with me. I told him about the implications ie not seeing his mother veryday or his sisters and he would have to change school. But he his determined thats what he wants to do. His mother will not allow this and he his dreadfully uspset. Not help by his mother telling him thats he letting her down and is so ungrateful. My girls seem to be happy at home. But does my son have any rights at 8yrs old to make a decision like that or is there nything i can do. I understand the childs view is now regarded as very important and i feel my wife is psychologically abusing my son.

I see my son every weekend with his sisters.I have remarried so there would be always someone at home. All the children have voiced their concern that that cant talk with their mother as she justs shouts at them. Ive been divorced from their mother for 4 years and we seperated 6 years ago. mant thanks for the answers but anyone who says that children need their mother more than their father is talking rubbish!!.

Answer 1

I think family counselling would be a good step first.There might be some issues that havn't been dealt with

Answer 2

I think the age when a child can decide who they want to live with is 13. Now I could be wrong, and I'n not sure, but it may vary by state. Maybe you speak with a lawyer, and ask. If she's mentally abuseing your son, then I would step in. I never agree with splitting the children up, but in most cases the boys like to live w/dad. It's probably not much fun living with 3 girls, hearing girlie talk all the time. He'd probably rather be talking sports, and learning guy stuff. Maybe you could talk w/the mother and explain to her, that he's not happy living w/her. If she has any kind of a heart she'll understand, and let him go to live with you. W/out makeing him feel guilty. Goodluck!!

Answer 3

Perhaps your son could live with you over the summer and see how it goes between the both of you. Of course his mother will need to okay this as well.

Remember he is a child and at 8 years you should consider his feelings. However you and your ex need to sit down together if possible and discuss the situation in total than talk to your son together I think it is the only way. And If you have to get a counsellor to help mediate than do so. I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Yes, the child's view is important, but not at age 8, legally speaking. I think you may be jumping the gun here. The girls are happy, but the boy is not. Remember that at age 8, a child will change its mind 100 times a day and it is also a selfish age. He probably misses you and maybe the happy middle ground is to arrange to spend more time with him. Give it some time. I strongly suspect that there's something going on that he doesn't like. He has to share attention from one adult with two sisters. Maybe he feels a bit short-changed, who knows. A child psychologist could probably give you a better answer. I don't readily believe that there's psychological abuse going on that is specifically targeted at him. Before you think yourself into anger, take him to a child psychologist and see what they have to say. Maybe he/she can get to the bottom of this.

Answer 5

He can't decide legally where he wants to live until he's 12yrs old. Until that time his Mum will remain his main carer. How will you look after him if you are at work? Will he be looked after by strangers? He'll be isolated from his sisters & will have no freinds. He may find if he does live with you that the grass is not as green on the other side as he thought! What about a trial period to see how it goes? Don't forget school holidays & access to his Mum & sisters would have to be considered as well. Of course he misses you but, how often do you see him? If it's not every week then he will miss the contact. It's very hard for a Mum to 'let go' & she may feel unhappy with herself & may also feel that she has failed him because he has said he wants to live with you. Regular contact with his Dad is important but, at this age he needs his Mum more.

Answer 6

I would seriously recommend you consult a social worker...because your son is expressing his wishes and his mum is opposing them, only professional intervention will deal with this issue...it is hard when families are split, but remember always that the children's happiness must be paramount to anything else...I wish you a happy resolution

Answer 7

these things are always hard and always a mess. the court will take your sons wishes into account but they mostly just maintain the current situation unless they have a massive reason not to.

seek legal advice from the citizens advice centre or social services.

Answer 8

i would call your human resource center near you and ask them what you should do just talk to your son and let him know how much he means to you and that it will take time to get him sounds like you really love him and you want him happy

Answer 9

Tough situation with this..
Is your son the only "male" in the house living with your wife, or does she have a male figure around? If he is the only male, then I would guess part of the reason he is so unhappy is that his piers have their dad's around doing "boy" things with them and he is really needing that in his life right now. At this age, boys really go "nuts". They are learning how to be "boys", you know, climbing, taking things apart, wanting to rough house, learn about sports, boy stuff.... With two sisters he may not have the male stimulation that he requires, I mean his sisters are not going to like playing with a bug, or figuring out how to fly off the roof like a bird. You get my point I am sure. Another point is his age difference between himself and his sisters; is he the oldest, youngest, or in the middle? This is going to be important as well. If the oldest, your ex being a single mom may be relying on him to help with the younger two, not giving him the "boy" time he needs. This will be interpreted by an 8 yr old as "mom is always picking on me". When, in reality, she may not be aware that he requires less "girl" stuff, and that she may need to re-arrange her priorities to free his time up for "boy stuff". He also, as a result of taking care of the two little ones, may be getting grief from his piers at school, again adding fuel to the fire.
I would like to give your ex the benefit of the doubt and not address that she is harboring some ill feelings for him, since he is your "son". So pushing that aside....
If your ex has a male figure around, it is also possible that he resents his presence and that he doesn't like him. He may feel that this man is "replacing" you in his life and he is acting out as a result, making you ex harder on him than normal. Equally, if another man is in the house, he may simply not like the guy, or the guy may not like him, and when mom is not around to witness or know of any problems between them, he manifests this frustration by complaining of being unhappy with mom. The reality of that possibility is that he believes that mom likes this man and he loves his mom, so he keeps his mouth shut, or he has been threatened to remain quiet.
You initial question, can he come live with you, is absolutly, providing that if you wife has sole physical custody she will agree to it, and if joint custody with physical on her side then if she won't let him "move in with you", you may have to go back into court. At this point the court may order an evaluation as to why you seek physical custody of only the boy and why you feel that is necessary. This may not be a bad thing if it helps your son to express whatever it is that is going on or how he feels. You have to weigh all the factors of this to make a sound decision, especially if your son may be involved in the courtroom drama. The possible couseling may be a really good idea, however, and if you and your ex can't discuss this with the best interests of your son as the only focus, then you have some serious decisions to make.
If your son is the youngest of the three, then he will be subject to pre-teen pubesent girls, and it's possible he can never have an equal part in the household. I mean two older sisters and a mom, kid can't win for love nor money....
If he is the middle, I would bet my last dollar that the older sister blames him when she does something, and he gets blamed for the younger one when she acts out by virture of him, "being the older brother".

On a final note, it is also entirely possible that your son has picked up from things being said or done at your home, or your ex home on how to manipulate each of you to getting what he wants. If that is the case, be careful, you do not want a child going back and forth between parents, especially if he is manipulative in doing so. This creates a fantasy reality of how he can be as an adult. It does not teach a child to be accountable when they learn that they can manipulate with exaggerations, embellishments, and out and out lies.
Consider these points and then try to talk to your ex-wife without anyone else around. None of the kids need to overhear this conversation to misinterpret things, or to "run tell". Hopefully, you both will be able to work this out for your son, without court intervention or animosity between "his parents'. Not good...
I hate to bring up the possiblity, but on behalf of the child's safety, if your ex does have a boyfriend, he is one who does not have a problem with children? You never know these days...
Good luck.