I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I love him very much. We are still both rather young... I'm 18 and he's 20. Anyways, when it comes to sex, I'm more shy and he... let's just say he watches a lot a porn... so he wants to alway stry out these kinky things. A lot of the time, it just goes straight against my character (not morals..kind.. how I act) and so I can never seem to feel comfortable pretending to be something I'm not. I'm not totally against the idea, but I always tell him "wait until we are older when we actually need that spark... ect" and that I am not comfortable doing it, but he still demands it. He even puts up certain dates for me to do it now... He will say "Okay you haven't done "x" in a while, so do it by next week". It's really frustrating because I feel like I can't please him, and I kind of feel selfish for not doing what he wants (because trust me.. he gives me more than enough "lovin"). What should I do to feel more comfortable??
2006-06-26 18:56:37 · 14 answers · asked by MesChatons 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Sadly.. I have talked to him about this before.. many times... but he still wants me to do it! I don't know if it's worth breaking up over at the moment, because other than this we are awesome together... It's just when it comes to this... he kind of gives me a hard time about it, and when he asks for it and I am hesitant, he sighs loudly and says "so you don't want me to be happy?" and things like this. I'm not totally oblivious.. I know he's kind of being a jerk, but I just want some way to have.. a middle ground I guess? Force myself to like it so I don't have to worry about it anymore?
2006-06-26 19:20:00 · update #1
Actually, my dear, there is nothing that "you" should do...he is the one with the "issue". Sex is supposed to be fun, sex is supposed to be caring, sex is supposed to be sacred(and I mean doing things together that bring you closer, not thinking like this). I am frankly outraged that your boyfriend is acting...aherm...like such a jerk.
Now don't get me wrong, I love getting "kinky"...but my husband, not so much; not because he is prudish, or because he doesn't want to please me, but because he is not comfortable. You are 18, you should be having a good time, not worring about whether or not you're getting enough "kink" into your relationship with your apparently very immature boyfriend.
And he is demanding that you do things...BAH...that is loathsome to me...it is one thing to request or suggest...maybe even "dabble" in the kinky to see if you both enjoy it...but if you don't enjoy it; that's it, game over...if you wish to try it again, it will be on your terms, not his...and watching a lot of porn is not an excuse.
Let me give you the perfect example, and hopefully you'll see my point...I am very into bondage, my husband is more than happy to "dish it" but not much for taking it...so okay, I can work with that. I let my inner dominatrix out in other ways; but anyway, one nite he felt like exploring, so I tied him up. He did not like it, not one bit and kinky things usually had to deal with trust...so I let it go. A couple of nites later, he was willing to try it again, and so on and so forth.
So from my example hopefully you can see that what your boyfriend is doing is not "adult"; it is the utmost in immaturity and a complete lack of understanding. Talk to him, frankly tell him I said so, a kinky woman that understands the rules in the adult playground...and if he doesn't get it; dump him. There are more fish in the sea than him...and probably better ones (if you know what I mean) than him as well. If you don't play by the rules, you're going to get flown off of the merry-go-round, and it's just that simple honey...so put on your big girl boots and lay down the rules for his little games...and if he breaks 'em; he's out...and somebody new can play "red-rover" with you.
2006-06-26 19:13:18 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I hate to give out advice like this but sounds as if you are two totally separate people when it comes to s e x. If you have talked to him before as you said and he still is making you feel uncomfortable as you also said, then if I were you, I would be trying to look for someone else in my life. I agree with you in the fact that you will never be able to satisfy him unless you are a nymphomaniac! Good luck!
2006-06-27 03:04:51 · answer #2 · answered by crash1962 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tahts just strange. I dont understand why he is pressuring u? Well going by the book of morals and self respect I would just like to give u one advice. Do not give up to the pressure be what u r. Believe me it is not the right time to have "x".
Tell him straight on face if he really loves u then stop behaving like a "x" meniac.
2006-06-28 03:34:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think youre still young and just be reminded that sex is very much sacred.it should be done out of love, freely out of love,what i mean in freeely, is that legal.But not in a way of considering only the wedding but legality also means free of doin without hurting others out of their knowledge and doin that things in all proper ways.if you dont feel it, dont do it.( But be careful in terms of feeling , thats why the head has an higher position in your body than your heart, so to think what your heart feels, if it is right or wrong). Gud day and God bless. you can count on me.ginapsicat@yahoo.com
2006-06-27 02:06:52 · answer #4 · answered by estrella 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would find something in the bedroom that would interest you. Maybe find something that turns him off, tell him you want to watch him make love to another man! Find something that just sends him, then say now you know how I feel. Your not his sex toy to experiment with. sex is mutual or not at all. Tell him to stay off the porn for a while, its sounds like he is just plan HORNY.
2006-06-27 02:09:29 · answer #5 · answered by Tuffiey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't think about it just do it. But, make it clear that most of the time instead of doing straight kink, that you want to be met half way. You could even alternate lovemaking styles. Kinky this time and "normal" the next. Don't just lose yourself in his fantasies...allow yourself to keep some of your inhibitions.
2006-06-27 02:03:13 · answer #6 · answered by mizzpreppy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all he should not be demanding thing that make you uncomfortable.second i have been with the same man for 10 yrs. and there are things i still am uncomfortable doing.and last wheres the spontaneous in this relationship you to relay need to talk about all of this before you go on
2006-06-27 02:15:41 · answer #7 · answered by SABRINA S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend wants a porn star and has you. Dont let him set deadlines for you to do certain things, you should do them when your ready. When he decides that you need a threesome or a boob job, or to do 5 of his friends , will you meet that date too. Have some respect for yourself and remind him that they are fantasy, and you are real.
2006-06-27 02:02:29 · answer #8 · answered by psycmikev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Screw that, if he is constantly pushing you to do things that you are uncomfortable with he does not give a rats a** about you. He sounds very selfish and you need to cut him loose. There are things I still won't do, and I am 33. Do not compromise yourself like that, he is not worth it.
2006-06-27 02:07:19 · answer #9 · answered by simplyfabulous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, great question. Unfortunately it sure is full of Adult Content and whatnot, the Puritan Squad must be going crazy at this flagrant violation of the "rules"...
2006-06-27 02:13:44 · answer #10 · answered by slick_pavement 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋