He is 28 years old and we have been together for 9 yrs. and have 3 kids. We lived with his parents in a room and had our own little bathroom. It was one room for the five of us! I just recently left him a week ago because I just cant live another year there, let me say that it was 5 yrs. with his parents. So now I live 3 1/2 hours away from him and he is texting me everyday calling me a B**** and accusing me of having sex with someone else. How can I make him understand that I still want to be with him but I just dont want to live with his parents? Do you think he is texting me all that stuff because he is hurt or because he is mad?
2006-06-26 17:48:04 · 15 answers · asked by angie n 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
1st.! he is insecure!
2! he is still a child!
3! he maybe listening to his parents/buddies/friends!
men are so easily swayed by those people!
clearly! he loves his parents!
he claims you are having sex with someone else?
refer to no. 3!
it it now a matter of what do "you" want to do!
at this time!
if you go back to him!
you will in no way hear the end of it!
or til' death do us part!
once a man has this in his head!
it will not leave him!
you may love him with all your heart!
but! as i said!
anyone can forgive!
it's the forget part that's the hardest!
time to move on!
2006-06-26 18:00:21 · answer #1 · answered by maxz44102 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
One reason he may not want to grow up yet as you put it is because in an unconcious way you have accepted his behaviour by that I mean your living situation for the past five years and he probably doesn't understand why it's not o.k. now. And if his parents accepted his behaviour too...I'm assuming so because this is whom you were also living with then he's used to everybody he knows accepting the same situation. In order for him to understand how you feel you might want to sit down and talk with him and tell him how you feel. Be specific about why you no longer want to live with his parents. Keep in mind that your children play a big part in this as well and they need stability, ...you are right in wanting to move because children also need space their own room and so do the two of you...so the two of you need to come to some type of compromise. Try to imagine if after five years he leaves and then tells you he doesn't like the sex the two of you have and has felt that way for a while but he stills wants to be with you...this would be very upsetting to you and you might very well not understand at first and think there was someone else. So try to be honest and considerate of his feelings and willing to compromise. Best of luck.
2006-06-26 18:10:25 · answer #2 · answered by missconduct 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, he is hurt. There is a rule that I go by in life and it is that "people do not change much." The word much is in there because I do believe people can make some minor changes, but their core values and beliefs do not change. You knew this guy when you married him. If you thought he was going to change or that you could make him change, you fooled yourself. If you take your vows seriously, then you know in your heart that you can not leave him. You may have decided to use this seperation to force a change. Again, you are fooling yourself.
The only thing you can hope for is some straight up honest talk about your problems. A step further would be a open and honest attempt at resolving the problems with the help of a marriage counselor. Your expectations may be to high, but you have to deal with what you have.
Good luck. I hope this story has a happy ending.
2006-06-26 17:58:14 · answer #3 · answered by atmjay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, some men never grow up!
It also sounds like he is a momma's boy and doesn't really want to move out.
Of course he is going to be hurt which will be folllowed by anger, but 5 years with his parents is way too long.
He may also be saying things like that because his parents are saying this. His parents may not want everyone to leave. It could be financial, companionship, or any other reason for wanting him to stay.
However, it is not good for any couple with kids or not to live with parents. There is no privacy, freedom or family life with your kids for you.
You need to meet him for dinner and have a heart to heart on the situation.
Enough is enough and stick to it!
2006-06-26 18:03:46 · answer #4 · answered by lovingfeathers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you have to face the fact that you have been dating a little boy not a man. I'm happy you finally woke up and moved out. It maybe time to look for a new man. Some people live with their parents because they are afraid to be on their own,but with 3 children it is way past time to go out on his own. I bet his mom always took his side when you had disagreements. He is calling you names because you finally grew up and are leaving him behind. He is afraid that you will be moving on to bigger and better things. Give him lets say 6 month to grow up or you should move on. Don't use the excuse but my kids miss their dad. If he is a decent dad he will find a way to come see them whether you are with him or not.
2006-06-26 18:00:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hurt or mad it doesn't matter. There isn't a woman out there that wants to "live with his mother" for YEARS on end. Yes, he's mad because he had a "good deal" with sex with you, and still living at home with no responsibilities of his own yes? You did the right thing girlfriend to have left when you did, because if you wouldn't have left you'd still be there right? And for how long-another 4 or 5 years. Let him go, I know its hard. Trust me when you find another guy, one that has a life...you'll think to yourself...what took me so long? Being in love with him was one thing, being in love with mom and day AND him, in THEIR home? How was sex anyway, could you let out a "OH YES BABY?" I doubt it. And eating with mom and dad every night? Going to the bathroom for a "FEW" minutes to get things moving, you probably couldn't even groan without their hearing you huh? You go girl, and don't think that he is calling you because he cares. He just had it sooo good that he doesn't want to be ALONE with mom and dad, he wanted his cake and eat it too. Of course he's mad, I would be too if I had it so good and MY boyfriend moved out! So stand strong and tell everyone you have a story that will blow their mind, and believe me it will. They will applaud you for leaving, Yes you did the right thing, there are definently bigger and more responsible men in the sea baby! So be gald you don't have his mommy and dada watching your every move. You couldn't even walk around the house at 11am in the morning with your night gown on, or a sexy teddy. Dad probably would have jumped your bones before he did! So good for you...You go girl!
2006-06-26 18:03:44 · answer #6 · answered by Fays Daze 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the fault is from your side girl... hard to hear but true.... you should have talked about this with your guy... you should have told him about the problems you are facing and the life you want.... you should have even discussed about you working and getting out with a plan so that you can move out.... you living alone out there will always raise suspicion for him....
what you could have done is moved to a different apartment in the same city... y did you go 3.5 hrs awaya from him.??? didnt you want to see and be with your children....???? he is angry cos you left him without trying to solve the problem.... you have left him and made him realise that he is help less..... you have left him and made him feel that he is not even good enough to support his family in a different house.....
this feeling is worst for a guy... he cannot bear that he is help less... and it is normal for him to get angry.... you should return back immediately and try to talk to your hubby and make things work out... tell him the truth... no matter what happens....
2006-06-26 18:13:58 · answer #7 · answered by mitr_hamesha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should keep telling him the truth. be calm about it. tell him you don't like living in his parent's houuse. and then remind him that he is 28 and that he is married. the more you tell him this in the same way over and over and over and over he just might figure out that he has his own family of 5 that need more than one room with one small bathroom. you could even ofer to let him move in with you at your place. that might work.
2006-06-26 17:55:58 · answer #8 · answered by gretch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you try just coming out and saying " i want to be with you but i dont want to live with your parents "? sometimes flat out honesty is the only way to go. nothing you say could hurt him more than leaving did. if you really want to be with him, give him a time frame. tell him you will come back, but only if you guys can move out in a couple of months.
2006-06-26 18:00:44 · answer #9 · answered by jamie s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to grow up and stop acting like a fool. To still live with mommy and daddy shows he's a little boy in a man's body.
2006-06-26 17:57:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋