Custody agreement changes?

Question

Please help, I have a custody agreement with my ex-husband that was made when we first separated. Over the past 2 years, I have learned that he is a pathological liar, has a suspended license, IRS is looking for him, his religion was different then what he told me, his history with his ex-wife and children was not what he told me and includes physical and mental abuse of his previous spouse, he's a frequent steroid user and basically everything I knew about the man was a lie. I have proof of all of the above; however, I have nothing that shows that he's an unfit parent. My fear is spending thousands on lawyer fees just to have a judge tell me that being a very bad person isn’t enough to make changes. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I feel sick every time she is with him since I have no idea what else he is capable of.
Thank You.

Thank you everyone for your responses and words of encouragement. I have contacted an attorney who believes, based on the information that I've presented, that I do have a valid case for a minimum of drug testing, psychological testing, and review of current custody situation and modifications. I'm going to do whatever I can to protect my little girl and leave the rest in the hands of God.
Thank You Again!
Carrie

Answer 1

first how old is the kid? second, if you want to change contract you have to bring up things that would cause possible danger to your kids. if he's running from the law (even irs if it's at that stage) that's good enough reason to change contract. but the age of your child is important to know. because no matter how bad you think the father is as long as you and your child have a great relationship with great talking then you'll know what's going on. but know this. a man is IMPORTANT in a childs life. Good or bad. just make sure he won't be in a high speed chase with the kid. lol. Good luck. contact me if need more advice through my email.

later

Answer 2

Considering the physical and mental well being of your children you need to let Domestic Relations know what he is really all about.
A counsiler from thier office should be able to tell you whether or not you have any chance of changing the custody agreement.
Even if he doesn't loose any time with the kids there will be this information on file so that if something does happen you can get full custody.
Steroid use is illegal. It is just as bad as as using illegal narcodics in the eyes of the courts. The physical and mental abuse probably stems from the steroid use.
If you have any proof he is using them you can request drug screening when he picks up the kids. If he tests positive, big trouble for him.
You can even ask his X to give you a formal letter or go to court in your behalf. If there are or ever was any problems in his last marriage use them to your advantage.
You should also question your children frequently about how he acts around them. If he is with another woman ask them how he treats her.
If any type of abuse, physical or mental is shed on even his girlfriend it is shed on the kids.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

I understand your concern and I have been through much the same thing. My advise is to contact SRS and alert them to his problems and maybe having someone look into him is a good idea. Depending on the age of your child, ask them direct questions and keep the dialogue open as to what she does with him during visitation, how he treats her, etc. I know this seems drastic but better safe than sorry. I would contact an attorney if you don't already have one and get their advise on how to proceed. Usually most attorneys have a free consultation. Be up front about cost and your fears. Some attorneys might also know of cheaper attorneys or what you can do through the court house on your own. I would get all the information I could to proceed with the best outcome. Good luck and my prayers are with you. I know how scary this is.

Answer 4

First find a lawyer or some legal aid to help you out with this situation. If you have proof of what you had indicated then present it to a lawyer. I am pretty sure just the usage of steroid alone will get you full custody. Remember anything that can harm your child or endanger your child is reasonable cause for you to have full custody of your child....both physical and legal custody. You do need to get your things in order and make sure that you have real solid proof before you go before the judge and present this to a lawyer

Answer 5

As a father, this is definitly a hard question to answer. But bottom line is one can't look at it from a mother or father's point of view. It must be looked at in what is in the best interest of the child. That is always first and foremost. I would suggest maybe getting your states Division of Child Services involved to see what there opinion is. There interest will be for the child well being. If the feel that you have a case against the father then I would suspect that they would probably go to bat for you in front of a judge. With them on your side your odds would bound to improve. Good luck.

Answer 6

That's a tough question for a divorced father to answer but here goes. Some people that are good at heart do bad things in their own life. You don't really know if he is an unfit parent, all you know is that he has a bad history. On the other hand, if there is ANY evidence of and type of abuse then it is your responsibility to take a stand for your daughter. You are her only advocate! Be smart, if it costs you thousnads of dollars in legal fees and it doesn't help then at least you can say you tried. If you don't and something bad happens, then you will never forgive yourself.

Answer 7

Unfortuneatly, it is difficult to change custody terms after the fact. If something new happends then there is a possibility. But with it already happening and you finding our this stuff later, and not having any real proof it's hard.

What you need to do is this....

1. immediately keep records of everything you know, find out, and all info backing it up and proving it. Continue to keep those records. Write down everything said, done, commented upon.

2. find out if your daughter is being effected in any way, shape or form in relationship to her father's visits with her. If she is, there needs to be proof. Counseling sessions and such (not sure how old she is but.....)

3. Most importantly, and this is coming from me, an ex wife who fought and gained custody of my two kids after my ex took them from me, there is no judge in the world that is going to keep custody or visitation from a father. It is very unlikely, even if he was a murderer or child molester or abuser, he would probably STILL BE ENTITLED to visitation (prob supervised though)...

4. It may be a fight that won't work b/c of #3. I don't mean to discourage you...

If he is as big an ******** as he sounds to me, he may eventually find his way OUT of your daughter's life. Unfortuneatly, but it may be the case. My ex did.

There are also forums on Yahoo that I would like you to look into.. They helped me a lot with custody and divorce and opinions with all of this. Plus, even if it doesn't apply to you, reading the stories helped me. Gave me tons of ideas.

Here is one:

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Young-Women-Divorce-Support/

when you get into this, (I know you are already divorced--but it doesn't matter) introduce yourself, and tell your story, and then they will be able to refer you to other yahoo forums that could be useful.

I also went as far as to join a men seeking to keep/get custody of their kids forums and posed as a man to see what ideas they had and what could/would possibly be used on me in court!

Answer 8

contact a lawyer for a free consultaition and have them tell you what your chances are ecause i would think that they would be pretty good. Youre fears are enough alone to qualify for free legal or reduced legal help from your states legal aide services try there also.

Answer 9

Most lawyers give the first visit free it is a consultation. Check that out first. I really think that you need to talk to a lawyer.

Answer 10

if he hurts your child or tries use your childs info then you can go to court and have this guy rights taken away. if you think he is doing something that is illegal with your child or is hurting her dont let her go baack, a liar isnt a bad parent hes a bad decision maker but not a bad parent.