I really have a situation here. I have never cheated on my husband and he has never cheated on me. But we have been separated for almost 2 months now. We have been married almost 10 years. But somehow over the years we just took each other for granted. Apparently he was feeling neglected and I was too. He was the one who left and now he want even talk to me. He says he hates me and he wants a divorce. We both were married previously. I have no children from my marriage, but he has 2 boys. The oldest one is of age and has baby #3 on the way. He will not work and he only talks to his dad if he wants something. Son #2 is not biologically his child. His first wife had an affair and now they have a son from it. I wanted to adopt, we couldn't have children. My husband didn't. So this bothered me alot. He says I hate his kids, but I don't. I don't like the way they use him. What do I do, to show him I love him & need him? That our marriage will work if we both try. Help?
2006-06-26 16:34:40 · 7 answers · asked by monkmonk 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't make him love you. It's either there or it's not. He needs to tell you what the problem is. From your description it sounds like resentment. Then you grew apart. If you think the kids are using him, you maybe right but all kids use their parents. As a loving protective wife you did your job when you warned him. If he lets it keep happening you have to take a back seat on that one. He made his decision to let them walk on him. Unfortunately it looks like the ball is in his court. All you can do is apologies about your fears with the kids and hope that he will want to come back. Chances are there is more going on and only he can answer that. I hope you find your way back to each other.
2006-06-26 16:46:51 · answer #1 · answered by snowhite 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't change his thinking. If he feels this way, he is entitled whether it's accurate or not. He just needs time. I know it's been two months but he had ten years to develop these feelings and now it's going to take some time for them to be processed and filed appropriately. His filing system (thoughts and feelings) are all jumbled right now. Just back off and leave him be. I always struggled with this. I, as a woman, wanted to call and resolve all issues right away, men need time and space. Remember the book men are from mars? They go to their cave. He is in his cave right now. Leave him there and let him just chill and think things through. he's going to conclude that your intentions aren't bad. But on the other hand, you can NOT dictate how he should treat his children. That's his stuff to deal with not yours. (I;m not being mean, just firm so that you understand). He has clearly demonstrated that he is a totally stand up man by taking on a child in which his ex wife had an affair with. If I were a man, i could NEVER do that. That's pretty noble.
So just chill and do some thinking about how you are going to stay out of his business with his children so that he doesn't feel judged by you all the time and let him come around. Then, if and when he does, explain that you are sorry for meddling and that you will not do it again. And then DON'T do it again!!
I hope you get a second chance. In the meantime just back off. Let him go through the process
2006-06-26 16:59:49 · answer #2 · answered by Dr. Phil-lys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you start respecting each other and have a real serious talk about how the 2 of you are drifting apart and get to the core of the problem....things will only get worse.
I wish you all the best
2006-06-26 16:40:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there is no hope to be honest with you. However, my husband always tells me that I'm a quitter. I would just try to get over him, and just move on. Maybe he will come to his senses. You definately shouldn't beg though, that will make it even worse. Just cut your losses.
2006-06-26 17:01:54 · answer #4 · answered by tbird00719 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
on this topic u should have a serious conversationn it would be helpful , or say him d positive points of adoption.
2006-06-26 16:59:45 · answer #5 · answered by fanah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes two to tango..if he does not want it back why would you?
2006-06-26 17:00:59 · answer #6 · answered by sstooc2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to couples therepy, if he will
2006-06-26 16:47:34 · answer #7 · answered by fricatease 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋