Man, I've been married for 5 years and our intimacy has gone stale and how do I fight to get it back. I would never leave my wife, but I admit I have cheated and I told her I did. I came out with it. She's held a grudge for the longest it was 3 years ago, however, she says she doesn't want to leave me because she still loves me. So least I have a chance. That was the reason for the cheating in the first place. However, I told her that instead of cheating I wish I could've just talked to her about our intimacy problems from the start instead of cheating. I wouldn't be in this predicament. I'm willing to put all my time and energy into getting my love life back with my wife, and I just want her to love me like she loved me when we first met. It seems so hard, especially now that I did what I did 3 years ago. Females I need your advice and Males if you've been in a similiar situation and was able to recorrect your mistakes let me know how you done it?
2006-06-26 15:57:22 · 10 answers · asked by Shawn J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi, You answered most of your own questions. You have a good chance because you both still want it and love each other. You need to start cheating on your wife with your wife! Start dating her all over again. Remember the things you use to do to get her then. Forget the sex for now. It's hard to make love to a guy that you want to slap silly. Do the romantic things, whatever they were between you two. Bring her home a rose each day from work. Rub her back while she is doing dishes. be thoughtful and considerate. Pay attention to what angers her. Let her see that you are trying. The love making is so much more gratifying for the woman when you start the romance long before the actual touching. Just have fun winning her back and don't concentrate on the physical stuff. It will happen again if there aren't any other issues. Hopefully she is not cheating on you! Good Luck.
2006-06-26 16:15:05 · answer #1 · answered by snowhite 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I promise you, this WILL work, if you do it faithfully, even when you don't want to.
Act like a man in love. It doesn't matter if you feel it or not, treat her and act like you are more in love than you've ever been in your life. And I promise you, your emotions will follow.
Now about the intimacy, is it that she doesn't want to do it or you're bored with it or what? If it is that she doesn't want to have sex as often as you, try this: Every single day for a week show your wife TONS of affection, kiss her (like you used to), hold her hand, play with her hair, rub her feet. Every chance you get, touch her and REALLY listen when she talks to you, BUT do NOT -- I repeat DO NOT initiate sexual intercourse with her. I know it will be hard, but try it. I think you will be delighted at the results.
And lastly, just remember that in a long marriage, emotions and libido come and go. It will come back if you do the right things. I have been married 18 years, and my husband and I have the best intimacy of our lives, and have for many years; but we did go through hard times, too.
Good luck, and you're a real man for being willing to put forth your best effort. You will be rewarded.
PS I forgot to mention: About your unfaithfulness, just never give her a chance to doubt you again. Always be where you say when you say you'll be there. Let her check up on you with no hard feelings. That way she can regain her trust in you. It won't last forever. Just keep being patient and loving and you'll have your bride back.
2006-06-26 16:25:56 · answer #2 · answered by Mistress T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, the cheating has definitely put a wall around her. I've been there, and my husband cheated on me for a very long time. Even though I am still with him doesn't mean I trust him. It's been 10 years and I think that all of the spark is gone. We are just living together without any sex. I fell out of love with him the moment he cheated on me. Sorry, bud, but if you really love your wife, you are gonna have to do some serious groveling. Try being romantic, take her out to dinner, go to a spa for a couple of days and get massages. Show her that she is the only one for you and mean it. Do little things for her. Rub her feet, massage her neck, hell, I'm getting excited. Anyway, it's all of the little things that can stimulate her. Most of all give her space and time. Don't force the issue and be patient. Good Luck to you!
2006-06-26 16:22:16 · answer #3 · answered by charlie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have cheated and destroyed her trust. You are a lucky man to have someone who loves you so much she would try to forgive you.
1) Never, EVER betray her again. If you think about it, think of what you have and what you stand to lose.
2) You are right. Communication is key in any good relationship. Make sure there is alot of it.
3) Make the first step. Fact: Men give love to get sex, women give sex to get love. Even if it isn't the sex, I am taking it that you want that same euphoric feeling there used to be. Start slow. Touch her face, tell her she is beautiful. Write her a love note. Ask her about her day. Tell her you would give every day for the rest of your life to let her know you really love her. You may need to try counseling to repair trust. It may take time.Never have the expectation of getting in return and don't pressure her for intimacy. Just keep working at it. Chances are, your newly inspired romance and appreciation for her will inspire her to take action toward renewing your passion too. I also recommend setting aside at least one night a month(preferably one night a week) where you have a "date night." As for the bedroom side of intimacy- massages, candles, and wine work for quite a few women. I know I wouldn't complain.
2006-06-26 16:31:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you do. You need to concentrate on doing lots of little things that tell her you love her with all your heart. Here are some suggestions.
Love letters: Write little notes with compliments for her and leave them in places around the house you know she'll find them in. Do this more than once a day (suggested) but at least once a day.
Flowers: Women love em. Get her flowers and do it often, don't ever completely stop.
Make her favorite meal once in a while.
Take on some of the household chores before she gets a chance to do them.
Help with the dishes.
Take her out to dinner at least once every pay period. Let her decide where to go, but if she want's you to decide, have a surprise planned.
Dinner by candlelight.
Plan a movie night for just you and her, no one else. Rent some of her favorite movies and get plenty of popcorn.
Plan a weekend picnic, just you and her. You do all the serving and meal prep.
When ever you say bye to her for any amount to time, be sure to add "love you" to those words.
Rub her feet.
When she asks what you are up to or what you did with her husband... tell her that you want 'us' to mean US again. Such as, "Baby, I just want us to mean us again. I love you."
Keep looking for good ways to do what she likes or might expect, surprise her when you can. Be creative, they like that too. Good luck man.
2006-06-26 16:18:53 · answer #5 · answered by thewildeman2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do things you used to do but don't do anymore... bring her flowers, take her to dinner (at HER favorite restaurant). How did you meet? Try reinventing that night. I have been married 2 times. My first husband... we married strickly for the sex. It lasted 7 years before he wanted something I wouldn't give, so he got it elsewhere and thought that her "kitten" was made of gold and left me for it... I met my second husband and we lived together for 5 years before getting married... I figured if I could live with him that long and not leave.. it was meant to be. We have been together now a total of 10 years. He surprises me every week with either 1/2 a dozen roses, or a single carnation. He takes me to dinner once a month to a place of my choice, we spend time together... Next summer we are planning a small vacation for just the 2 of us only he won't tell me where. Keep her surprised.. if she asks "What is this for?" Tell her "It's Just Because."
2006-06-26 16:12:29 · answer #6 · answered by apryl2rayne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When the relationship is new, the energy level is excessive ( stay up all night, watch the sunrise, etc.) In the relationship phase, the energy is not that much, however, someone who truly loves you will stand by you in good and bad times. Let him know how you feel including the battle with depression you are experiencing.
2016-03-27 05:26:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheat on her again. She was dumb enough to stick around the first time that means she will no matter how many times you do it. Women are competitive so she will want to be the better sex partner for awhile so you forget about the other woman.
2006-06-26 16:55:12 · answer #8 · answered by lilos 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do things for your wife that she likes....well I and i'm pretty sure your wife likes attention.....take her out for a walk and actually talk about what she wants to talk about.....give her massages.....go shopping for her sometimes (for clothes or shoes) cook a special meal for her.....did I say massage her :).....take her out to the movies every Friday night or just sit in a buy a DVD if you have kids go with her and the kids out where they would have fun and actually participate in helping with the kids.....be honest and sincere all the time.....if you do those thing.....you would be catered to on a daily basis......did I say massage?
2006-06-26 16:15:11 · answer #9 · answered by Cookie48 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
watch some porn together, take a vacation together
2006-06-26 16:00:52 · answer #10 · answered by rustang4698 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋