My 18 year old son is worried about a friend that has talked about suicide. I have told him to talk to the friend's parents and that I would talk with them too if he wanted but he didn't. He did talk to the parents but he is leaving for the military soon and is worried that the person might kill themself after he leaves. He is losing alot of sleep over this and I am worried not only about him and his friend, but also his unwillingness to communicate with me about it. What would you do??
2006-06-26 15:31:03 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Your son sounds like he's got a pretty good head on his shoulders so you don't have to worry about him. People who self destruct make their own selfish choices. Is it a sickness? Maybe. It could be a reaching out for help or just an attempt at getting attention. Whatever the case it's a personal choice we all make at some point. If the truth be known. The fact that this person is telling ANYONE what their plans are tells me that it's just for attention. People who are serious about taking their own lives don't usually tell anyone, they just do it. No matter how much you care about this person , it's not your problem. I know this sounds harsh but life ain't easy.
2006-06-26 15:54:43 · answer #1 · answered by aspecialfred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is such a tough one. I was just watching something tonight on NBC news nightly about the fact that men/boys have more suicide thoughts than women. I think there are many reasons for this.
The problem sounds like it might be rooted in this person's family environment which is why talking to his parents may not help at all. Someone with those thoughts generally doesn't have the best of coping skills and that is due to the immediate family not having them or teaching them. The parents have probably not instilled confidence, self esteem and self worth in this individual so this person feels shame, guilt and lacks self worth. I'm sure that's obvious.
Your son is respecting this person's feelings with his loyalty and not wanting to draw attention to a very personal crisis.
I think that the only thing you might be able to do is to try and have the friend over for dinner or something so that you can get some sort of rapport with him and allow your son to witness this rapport. Then, approach your son asap and offer to just check in with the friend from time to time and have him over so that at the very least, he can feel that he can still have a connection to your son through you. That may bring more comfort to him than you and your son can imaging. This person obviously doesn't feel safe and secure where he is so having you check in with him may offer tremendous comfort. But it's all going to be in the approach that you take. So you have to be real mellow about it and not anxious or else your son is going to want to protect this person from your anxiousness (which is really a willingness to help-but they won't see it that way). Does that make sense?
So by trying to understand this person's direct environment (the part which is causing him so much stress) will help you in your approach. Understand that he feels overwhelmed by his thoughts and he doesn't know how to process those thoughts. If you're calm, cool and collected, your son will be more at ease and in turn, he'll pass that easeness onto his friend, and then you can step in-but ever so cautiously and in a very non anxious manner. Don't mention the issue, just be the saving grace through empathy, compassion, love, non judgment, support and companionship.
god bless you, you may be an angel in disguise in this person's eyes. Best of luck, I wish I could help.
Just remember, handle with care and delicately
2006-06-26 15:57:32 · answer #2 · answered by Dr. Phil-lys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps, your son may try to get his friend to believe he needs him there while he is away to keep an eye on things for him. He could make his friend promise to write him about what is happening at home. Assign him this "job".while your son is gone. He may suggest to his friend things he wants him to do. (See a certain common friend. Give him reports on a game, etc.) Following these requests in letters and phone calls would give his friend little goals to reach. In other words give his friend a purpose.
2006-06-26 16:19:14 · answer #3 · answered by Rosie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
reassure him of your love and willingness to listen. back off if you break the trust between him and his friend he may blame you for pushing. if you have any conversation with the friend let him know that you are there if he ever need to talk. keep lines of communication open and pray because it is really a battle between the friend and what is eating him up inside
2006-06-26 15:56:58 · answer #4 · answered by msmarle99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to call the boys parents and explain whats going on and that your son is worried about him, someone has too
2006-06-26 15:47:34 · answer #5 · answered by lyjana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋