Should I honour and obey my wife? What should I do?

Question

After the whole anti-christ episode, our therapist thought that my wife could use a bit of a vacation. Luckily she and I have minions who can serve in our stead at the nursery school and bookstore, so we packed it off to a tropical island in the Pacific. It has been a mostly good week, lying on the beach, catching up with our reading. I swear she's red that dull german book fifteen times already. But last night, we had a bit of an issue with the staff. She requested a diet coke with lime and the server brought back one with a lemon wedge. Such insolence would not do. Naturally, as her steadfast man, I was selected to enforce the punishment. However, she insisted that we not just make an example of the individual or the restraunt, but that we had to ensure that the entire resort witnessed her justice. I think that's a little over the top, don't you? She gets emotional sometimes and loses perspective. But I vowed to honour and obey my wife, even with doubt. What should I do? I love her.

It isn't the wedge of lime versus lemon. She honestly doesn't care. But when she gives an order, she expects it to be followed up exactly. My wife is of the school of thought that if one is afraid of breaking the small laws, then one will never consider breaking the big ones. Thus when someone displeases her, she must make an example of them, lest her enemies feel that she has become "weak."

But there must be a measured response to her ruthlessness. If she makes the people think she's absolutely crazy, then they may rebel even though they are afraid. It is a question of proportion. Defiance cannot be tolerated, but a measured response is necessary.

Answer 1

for such a grievance offense, the waiter should be dragged from the establishment, staked out on the beach at just below the high-tide line, and allowed to drown in the relentless tide of vindictiveness. I would make sure my wife, the entire hotel staff, and the guest were made to witness the affair. As the tide is rising, I suggest beating him/her with a wire hanger, saying, "No More Lemons, I told you No More Lemons." I suspect the next time your wife orders lime, she will get what she deserves. I am flying out tonight...I want to see this.

Answer 2

She freaked out over a lime versus a lemon? I'm sorry but that sounds way over the top. I don't know how long you've been married, is this the way she has always been or is this a new behavior trait that she's picked up recently? Think of the poor server who probably had a dozen people to serve and made a slight mistake. If your wife is that harsh when strangers make honest mistakes, how does she respond to your mistakes? To her parents? Your children/future children? The next time she is calm and relaxed bring it up gently that you've noticed how she sometimes gets overexcited and upset about issues, and you're wondering if there is anything you can do to help in these situations that will help her not feel so flustered and angry. Bring up specific incidents (like the one you mentioned here) and how you believe that it was a honest mistake by the server, and how horrible they must have felt being yelled at. You're doing this to help her (aka for her own good), so for everyone's sake I would definitely bring it up, she may not even realize she's doing it, or she may feel so out of control with things that she only know how to react by lashing out.

Answer 3

Where did you get married that you had to vow to "obey" your wife? That was your first mistake. In a Christian wedding, the man is commanded to love his wife and the woman is commanded to submit to her husband. Your little episode demonstrates why. Women are emotional and care about everything more than men do. Men are rational and really don't care. That makes them better suited to handle confrontations with third parties. But you need to comfort her when the lemon shows up and ruins her entire dinner.

Good luck explaining that to your wife though.

Answer 4

She has a control issue and likes to see people squirm. You are being manipulated if you go along with it. You will end up a brow-beaten husband and you will lose your self respect and just be more fodder for her unrelenting desire to get back at people. If you love her you need to demonstrate some tough love. She needs to recognise what she is doing and change. If she does not then life will continue like this with you not only being manipulated but being part of the problem. You need to back off from that position you have with her and institute your integrity. I am sure people evidence her behaviour and you look like a fool. Do something about it. Face her up to it and tell her you will no longer be her scape goat.

Answer 5

Explain to your wife that even servers make mistakes, that no one is perfect (besides her of course) and that embarrassing the server will serve no purpose. She needs serious therapy.
Punishing others in an effort to make her feel better is unacceptable. What a psycho. Sorry for your life, it must be horrible.

Answer 6

Ummm...This might receive some criticism ..I'm sure. but, In the bible it actually says "husband's love your wife and wife OBEY your husband. Yeah , I know , I know some are now saying . They ar there own woman and so on and so forth but mind you it(bible, scriptures..etc:) tells the man to love his wife. I think you can check on it in 1 Corinthians 7 not sure? Anyways . and when it says love, check in 1Corinthians chap 13. So the man wont be browbeating the woman...It will be ALL Love between the two. A BEAUTIFUL partnership. So, to answer your question no..you shouldn't have to obey her . Although its good to listen to what your wife has to say alot since we were put here for the husbands...IE: in genesis it says Adam needed a "help meet" so he got eve FOR HIM. i know everyone wants to jump the gun and get all defensive but its nu thing but bible. if everyone is doing right.. Its real Love. but to want the man to ACT A COMPLETE NUT.....LOL....I DONT THINK SO.

Answer 7

It's good to honor and obey her, but if you love her it doesn't hurt to help her put things in perspective for her. That was a very minor infraction and public humiliation is a great way to ruin someone's day. You would honor your wife most by helping her be the good person you know she is.

Answer 8

If you can get past childish fit throwing, it would be better if you both respected each other. Obviously she needs to apply that to everyone she meets. I believe that it is more important than the archaic honor and obey line. Are you better off obeying your partner like they were your parent? It is demeaning. Honor should be replaced with the word rep sect.

Answer 9

In this case you need to honor your wife by getting her professional help. She has mental/emotional issues that call for counseling. Go with her to counseling to help her accept the fact that she is out of control--if this incident is typical of her behavior. Hang in there and remember, you're the only person you have to obey--be true to yourself and things will fall into place in the long haul.

Answer 10

Umm...wanted to humiliate a waitor and the whole resort because he mixed up a lime wedge with a lemon wedge isn't really normal. Sounds like your wife is overdoing it and if I were you I would tell her she needs to relax.