Need advise regarding Ex allowing current Girlfriend to discipline my children?

Question

I am not talking about physically

When my daughters go over to their dads house every other weekend. The main disciplinarian seems to be his live in girlfriend. Her discipline of choice? Is standards. My 10 year old and 9 year old have spent many a weekend at their dads house writing 50-250 standards stating "I will not slam doors" ""I will not argue" "I will not talk back" "I will clean up after myself"....

I have sat back and given her the benefit of the doubt, knowing that it isn’t going to killing my kids. But now they do seriously complain about it. And do not like her.

Do I have a leg to stand on to tell my ex that his girlfriend CANNOT PUNISH my children ANYMORE? And have any legal backing?

Answer 1

I don't think that these punishments are doing any detriment to your children. However it speaks volumes about the pee wee that your ex is for not taking initiative in rearing his daughters, and leaving it to essentially a stranger.

Your daughters will have to make a decision to tell their father that if she continues, they no longer want to visit. Your daughters are at the age to decide.

Answer 2

She has a right to establish boundaries in her home....she does live there. She does not have a right to discipline your children..there is a difference between the two. My husband has two kids and I'm much more strict than their mother, but I would never discipline them. I told them flat out what I expected of them in my own home. Sure they gave me a hard time at first (and perhaps that's what your children could be doing????) but they understood after awhile; especially when they saw how happy thier father was with me. We've been married 13 years now and I love my step kids and I have their love and respect as well.
Please make sure this isn't just your emotions talking here. Try sitting down with your ex and his girlfriend and get to the bottom of it. Don't naturally assume your kids are innocent here.

Answer 3

Let me make sure I'm understanding this correctly. Your ex has a girlfriend that probably See's your ex is feeling guilty about the two of you not being together anymore. So he showers them with gifts and supplies very little discipline. His girlfriend is not hitting them,spanking them, cussing them out, verbally abusing them. But when: it appears that these darling children of yours slam doors,argue or talk but to an adult. She has them right it down over over that they will not continue this behaviour. That if is not corrected as an adult if you slam doors on your job you will get fired or never see a decent raise, If you argue all the time as an adult and never learn to shut up (you can't keep a relationship) and oh if you disrespect authority figures like a Judge you will end up in jail. Honey welcome the good support. Because believe me they may dislike guidance now, but they will love it later when their friends who did not get the same support come work for them.

Answer 4

what if it were reverse? And your new husband had kids that came over every other weekend and interrupted your life. Maybe your kids need to learn some things. What would you do if the kids were extremely rude ..ect,, to you and your new husband didn't do anything? Would you just deal with it and put up with it? Maybe she is trying the best she can. It is my idea you don't know her and you don't know how your kids are alone around her. Maybe they tell you that they are angels... do you think it is true? NO probably not.

Yes she can punish them and you have no legalities to back you up. If they are in her care then she has every right to disipline them. It isn't like she is beating them for goodness sake. Maybe you should teach your kids some manners if they have to write those type of things. Seriously think about it.

Answer 5

Your ex should be the one disciplining the children as they are his responsibility. But you also need to take into account that she lives in the house also and if he is not watching the children at least she is. You cannot blame her for taking control, letting the children know that she is the adult. Writing something 50-250 times seems a bit excessive for their ages though. I think you should talk to HER and find out if there is a deeper problem.

Answer 6

I know how tough that kind of situation is. It is very very hard to have someone else displicine your kids. But I would rather her do it that way that to spank them. (cause then you'd want to kill her) I had the same situation where the girlfriend (later wife) spent more time with the kids than their father did. After a while they just refused to go to his house anymore. If your ex doesn't do something to make it better for his kids then he will be the one that pays the price. My boys haven't seen the "sperm donor" in years. They could care less about it and lots of it has to do with his wife. You could try to talk to them but if your situation is anything like mine was you would be wasting your time and breath. Good Luck!

Answer 7

i know it hurts to have someone else punish your child but what are you going to do, wouldnt you rather her have the kids write these nots than hit them. i know i would rather my kids write than get beat from a stepmom. she is being the stepmom and maybe their dad lets them walk all over him, which you would agree is wrong, so she has to step in and do something, this is her way of dealing with it without abuseing them or hurting them.i dont think there is nothing you can do but keep a log of what she does. when she starts to abuse these kids is when you should haul him back to court and figure this out. but in the mean time it is harmless and i dont think she is out to get you or your kids, tell your kids to act right and not slam doors or pick up after my self. maybe they need to learn manners becausre if they are not doing the irght thing then they are the problem not her, talk to them and have them act right and there wil be no reason for the lines of what they did wrong.good luck.

Answer 8

It is up to him since he is their dad.
You should talk to him about it though or even her if that is possible.
Of course the kids don't like her and don't like writing... who would. I do something similar with my nephew, I make him write a paragraph to a page on why he shouldn't do things, back talk, yell at his grandmother, etc. It works, he's in a better mood when he's done because he's thought of all the good things that people do for him in order to write it. In my opinion, that serves more of a purpose than writing the same thing over and over again... it makes him think.
Basically, I don't think there is any legal backing, especially since it is not physical discipline. You should definitely talkto them about it though, if it bothers you, it is your right.

Answer 9

I really still don't think there is much you can do about that...But what is going to happen is your girls are going to get to the point that they don't even want to go over to there dad's...I'm sure there getting that way by now and that should be a wake up call to him...If he has any back bone at all he will see that his children come first and are happy to see him..
If you try and talk to him about this bet he just gets mad pretty soon he will be hearing it from your daughters and hope its soon..
I pray that it gets better for the girls...Good luck..Smiles

Answer 10

Hey,
Abuse comes in other forms than physical. It also means verbal and from what you wrote it sure sounds like a form of this. You need to have a talk with your ex and tell him how the children feel and just maybe he is not aware of the facts. Tell him and you can have the children enforce (at a later time) about their feelings. Also if he is aware of his live in girlfriend discipling your kids and he allows it then you need to speak to priest or social worker and have them intervien.