What if you found out your loving wife or husband has affair with someone live cross the street only?

Question

Or next door,what would be your reaction and would you move out from that area.

Answer 1

Your question sounds somewhat speculative to me (but perhaps you are trying to conceal your involvement).

To discover that one's partner is having an affair is always a big shock, though sometimes one suspects for some time that all is not right. Any proof of such an affair needs careful thought and prayer before doing anything. It's interesting that you refer to the wife (or husband) as 'loving' rather than 'beloved'. It is unusual to find that someone having an affair is a good enough actor to carry off the 'loving' for long. There will usually have been signs of something changing for a while before the discovery.

Let us suppose that you are the one who needs advice (although I understand that it may be a friend of yours).

First, of course, one should seek to talk to one's partner about the affair. If this is difficult, then one could seek the help of a trusted friend or a counsellor to act as a neutral third party. One should try to establish what one's partner was looking for in going outside the marriage. Not every marriage supplies all of a person's needs (in fact very few do) but usually one feels enough responsibility to compromise and to not have deep relationships outside the marriage (or at least ones of a sexual nature).

Next one would have to come to a clear understanding between you that either this 'affair' should stop or the marriage would have to end. If your partner agreed to end the affair and return to the marriage you, yourself, would have to decide whether you loved him/her enough to take her back and to forgive. Sometimes it can result in a far deeper love, if both can forgive the other for shortcomings and misunderstandings in the past. Normally, though, there would be a serious loss of trust and the marriage would remain changed, if not badly damaged. It would obviously be wise for the partner to make a clean break from his or her old association and to start afresh in a new area by moving well away from the old situation. I think that only a couple who genuinely were prepared to start again for each others' sakes (and not simply because of children) should consider that.

If it were decided that the marriage were no longer viable, then it would be far better if the decision were made without rancour. This can take a great deal of time and the help of a good friend or counsellor who understands the situation and is not condemning of either person can be of immense help.

Obviously, if possible, it is better for one of the couple to move away, since for him or her to be constantly confronted with a regrettable situation can be very hard to bear.

I do know one person who has managed to keep open, honest and friendly relations with her ex-husband (by whom she has two children) while marrying another (by whom she now has one), even to the extent of living as lodgers in the house of her ex! (They are now close neighbours). She is very exceptional, however, and because she chooses partners who, like her, subscribe to total honesty, I believe that they are all very happy.

I hope that answers your question and helps you to achieve a solution, either for yourself or your friend. Above all, I think, is the principle of respecting the other person's views and feelings and integrity and being honest about your own. That way, one may feel hurt (though most of one's own hurt is caused by oneself) and may not agree that the other person is making a good decision, but at least you can be sure that they are doing what they do in all honesty.

Answer 2

This same EXACT thing happened to my mother-in-law who had 5 children by this "man". She worked long hard hours. He just sat around, never had a job. Wasn't a husband, wasn't a dad, then one day she came home from work, he said he loved someone else and was moving in with her....she lived RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM HER! In fact, whenever she opened her door, she could see her front door. Every day his KIDS witnessed this and she had to bear it. What a cross to bear! Difference is, My Mother-In-Law lived in the Projects and had no money to move...neither did the other woman............

TRUST ME, YOU NEED TO MOVE>>>NOW>>>!!!!

Answer 3

If it is the first time and you have children, go to counseling and see if you can work it out. If it isn't the first time or if you don't have children, find a lawyer and get the divorce started.

Answer 4

OMG! I would be sooo outta there! Without my husband of course and I would probably kick the **** outta both of them when I was leaving.

Answer 5

find out how serious the affair was and decide if it worth breaking up your life/marriage for.

Answer 6

I think like the most I'll be very mad at my husband.

Answer 7

if that what she wonts i geuss i live and she can keep haveing the affair

Answer 8

Dump them immediately.

Answer 9

file for divorce

Answer 10

omg