I have been in a relationship with someone for over two years now. We have two children and I have a child from a previous relationship. We just bought a house and everyone seems to be doing well...except for me and my bf(used to be engaged). He is never here and expresses little interest in being here when he can. We rarely get along so we have chosen to avoid each other. He refuses to go to counseling with me so I really don't know what to do. I do not want to disrupt my children's lives..I know leaving with them would break their hearts. But, I feel like I am trapped in an arranged marriage...there is no love or kindness between us and we have nothing in common anymore. Do I sacrifice my happiness and well-being to spare my children from being hurt, or do I risk everything for some peace of mind?
2006-06-26 14:11:25 · 13 answers · asked by K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I stayed for 10 years because of the children - they now suffer from it.
Our lifes took a big turn for the better when I chuck his a.s.s out - I should have done it sooner!
2006-06-26 14:15:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think staying would do more harm than leaving. I'm very sorry to tell you this, but it sounds like he's already moved on to something else both physically and emotionally. He doesn't even care enough to try to put in the effort to improve this relationship. Just make sure you are financially prepared, because money is a huge issue when you're single and responsible for three children. I know he'll have to pay his part, but often it's not enough to really survive on, and sometimes they don't even pay their part and they just become deadbeat dads.
2006-06-26 14:23:42 · answer #2 · answered by sunny1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I grew up with unhappy parents. My mother was always loving towards us. But whenever father came home the arguments started. I felt lost and alone with my parents staying together. I soon started hanging out with the wrong crowds, drugs came and then jail. After that, I married to the wrong person, following their footsteps.
I think if they would have gotten a divorce. I wouldn't have been the way I was. It took a long time for me to get my life straightened out.
Get out! And find someone who loves you as well as you loving them.
I did and I am very happy now. Plus I am willing to bet that your kids will be happier too.
2006-06-26 14:33:59 · answer #3 · answered by Edward C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never sacrifice your happiness for anothers - period! To have a real relationship takes two participating adults. If you do not have that, how is it healthy for the children. It isn't as if they will never see their father. They need to be where they feel love and can see it properly demonstrated to them...not two people who pretend to be happy and in love when they are visably miserable.
2006-06-26 14:23:46 · answer #4 · answered by auntb629 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its VERY okay!! Kids are more attentive then you think. Your relationship will be reflected upon them. I have no kids BUT my mother left my father when i was two months old...he was abusive and cheating. My older sis has issues now, she has memories of him. Me and my brother were too young to rememeber. Kids need love and happines, not a "make do" world, they can see through it. It may be hard at times but your kids will admire, respect, and love you more for the sacrifices you make for them. I know i do. Good luck in what you choose... but i say put them first then you second.
2006-06-26 14:21:00 · answer #5 · answered by Im just me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not making your children happy if you are not happy. Do you think they like seeing you unhappy or your bf. Watching you fight or the whole situation if you are not happy than your kids cant be that happy talk it over in a child friendly way and do what you deserve and your kids. If you are happy I promise you kids are more likely to be happy. Good luck with your situation.
2006-06-26 14:18:06 · answer #6 · answered by Shea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old you are??? Do you work??? That would be helpful. What do you think you are teaching your children if you are not happy in the situation you are presently in??? This man is hardly around, and avoids you. Which would you choose?? Take care.
2006-06-26 14:16:47 · answer #7 · answered by winona e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are unhappy, you children will be also. Leave and find happiness for your children's sake. It is crazy when people stay together "for the kids", it only ends up hurting them more.
2006-06-26 14:27:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sad!
Parenting class? Not likely
If he thinks so little of the children,
say Goodbye...
Someone special will come along...
2006-06-26 14:32:26 · answer #9 · answered by Merry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children will feel your unhappiness they have no concept of what you are actually living through, it's best to at least separate and answere your childrens questions with honesty and love according to their age of understanding.
2006-06-26 14:19:20 · answer #10 · answered by writer05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋