I have little or no money to work with ,(like hiring P.I.)& no time to spy on her myself. She also took our 3 boys the youngest is mine, I can't be without him.(period.) She's acts like she not coming back no matter what i do... i need to know , if there is someone else or not.. Why is she killing me like this, I need her and my boys back home. Someone please help me know what going on..????
2006-06-26 13:57:39 · 16 answers · asked by New Investigator 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
one word: pray. If you pray and believe then she will come back to you. Or you can ask her for a second chance. Remind her of your wedding vows. Til death do you part. For better or worse.
2006-06-26 13:59:59 · answer #1 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just had to break up with my boyfriend because he went back to doing drugs. It is so painful, but staying with a person who does drugs is unbearable. I don't know how long you did drugs for or what you put your wife through, but I'm sure you hurt her more than you realize, and she probably just had enough. I don't know if you will ever get your wife back, because maybe she did move on and maybe her life is better now. After all, she had to do what was right for her and while she was waiting for you to get off drugs, what you were doing was killing her (emotionally, at the very least). After people have been betrayed and deeply hurt, it takes a long time to earn back their trust, and sometimes you just can't, no matter what you do. It's the heavy price we have to pay for the mistakes we made.
As for your child, you are entitled to have a relationship with him...that may be something you'll have to go through the legal system to set up, but you can apply for joint custody or visitation if you can't work out an arrangement with your wife. I am very happy that you quit doing drugs. I hope you are working a program or that you have some support system, and that you've taken the precautions to stay away from the people, places and things that caused you trouble in the past.
2006-06-26 14:09:43 · answer #2 · answered by sunny1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, listen. First of all, just take some nice deep breaths and just be chill for a while. aaahhhhh
okay, you AND your wife have been through a lot with your drug problem so you HAVE to just let that phase out a bit. She is dealing with it the best way she knows how. Chances are, if she's seeing someone, it's merely to take her mind off of stuff which we all know doesn't work. It simply masks the problem.
SO, the BEST thing that you can do is to FIRST OF ALL, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. IF you take care of yourself, your wife will begin to see you in a totally different light. So again, it is IMPERATIVE that you take care of yourself. If you need a second opinion on that, ask any psychologist or theraplst on the planet. Take care of yourself. Secondly, once you begin to demonstrate that you are taking responsibility for yourself and your actions, your wife "true" feelings will be able to surface because she won't be escaping or hiding, or running, or fearing or denying or making excuses for or whatever she's had to do since you've had the problem. Right now, none of the feelings for either of you are genuine. You say you love her BUT you have had an addiction so the fact remains that you didn't have full intimacy with your wife (no I;m not talking about sex, I'm talking about sould bearing). So now, you both have to get to know each other intimately. The ONLY way she will feel safe doing that is if you continue to demonstrate what I mentioned above: you taking care of yourself and you demonstrating responsibility. So that takes time. You have to be patient.
Forget all the crap about the PI or whatever, that's irrelavant right now. Neither of you are thinking with a totally clear head so it doesn't matter what she's doing. She's not doing anything out of a clear mind. Just be cool, chill out and take care of yourself and don't be irrational in your actions with her.
:) STAY STRONG.
2006-06-26 14:07:22 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. Phil-lys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Typical addict, codependent also. I'm not condemning, it's just the way it is. Take care of yourself now, make sure you have a good recovery program going, cuz you'll never be any good to yourself or anyone else unless you are clean and sober. Pray. Whether or not she's coming back you need to be happy with yourself, and also, get some type of temporary order for custody, support, visitation. Skip the PI, cuz it's not really illegal to cheat--you need a lawyer. You don't NEED her and the boys back home. You WANT her and the boys home. God gives us what we need, not what we want, and we usually eventually find out that what we got was what we needed and wanted all along. You have the right to see you kids; you can't control your wife. Hang in there, go to meetings, pray, take care of yourself and your kids, and things will work out just exactly the way they are supposed to. God has a plan, trust Him. Just do the next right thing! God Bless and Good Luck.
2006-06-26 14:09:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you did drugs and she left, that is called marital seperation, that isn't cheating. She may have lost trust in you and it is your job to earn it back. Nobody just "quits" drugs, have you been through rehab, sought counseling? Why would you spy on her, you are the one that needs to work out the trust issues. If she has moved on you will have to just realize that. You have legal rights to visitation with your son as long as you are clean.
2006-06-26 14:02:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually people don't realize what they have to loose until it's gone. Maybe you pushed her to the point that she doesn't love you anymore. Suggest getting counseling. You may be able to get some through a church or something like that. Maybe you ask her over to talk without kids around. Tell her you want to work things out and you want to know what she wants.
2006-06-26 14:02:09 · answer #6 · answered by missee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well she needs to let you see your chldren i mean they are rightfully yours at least the yongest is and maby you can call her and she can come over with the boies and you can get reunited with them and you can talk to your wife to see what is goeing on and after that well in the talk tell her everything and if their is someone else their is plentie more fish in the see and you will still be able to see the boys and if you get a divorce(not saying you will)you may get full custidy of the youngest
best of wishes
tnsx3you94
2006-06-26 14:05:20 · answer #7 · answered by qwerty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you did drugs, drove her away and I am hoping NOT into another mans arms.You deserve a second chance if you have quit and can stay clean.You need to go to her and get her back.Prove to her what your telling all of us and prove you need your family.There's NOTHING better than a family and you shouldn't give it up so easily.Go get her and your son's.Make up for lost time.
2006-06-26 14:01:48 · answer #8 · answered by missyandgordon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she's cheating, she figured she could do better an d she has. I would get my act togheter and start another family and
stay away from the drugs then be a father to your kids and show her the real man you are and not take her back afterwards,
thats what I would do
2006-06-26 14:00:13 · answer #9 · answered by Xae 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you Hert them them and and let them down and a little time is needed as far as her not coming back that is going to depend on how you handle things if you go getting all hot headed you mitt as well forget it but if you show them they mean more to you than what you where doing maybe time can heal if it"s worth it !! GOOD LUCK I HOPE THING WORK OUT FOR YOU PS.I"m GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING !
2006-06-26 14:43:46 · answer #10 · answered by 66hamerheadPD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋