My husband (US NAVY) wants a divorce, what do I do?

Question

We're in San Diego, Ca and he wants a divorce. We've been married for 5 years, and we have an 18-month old son. We married when I was 17, and he was 19. I've been a housewife this whole time. How am I going to support my son, with little education (hs diploma, little college). I spoke to a legal officer on base, there's no doubt I can get spousal support and child support. But I don't know what to do. There's no money for a divorce, we have so many bills. He couldn't squeeze in the support if he wanted to. I know the money (lack of) is why he wants to leave. He says he hates being broke, that he wants to be able to buy stuff just for himself. What do I so? I'm still here with him. He told me he wanted a divorce in December. I still cook, clean and take care or him. Will it look bad in court that I'm still around? I don't have any money to leave. All of my family is in Texas. I feel so useless. I'll make sure I never leave my self open to be dependent on any man.

You guys' are really fast in posting. Thanks a million'. Hugs!

Answer 1

I feel for you and your child, You need to seek consoling from the navy and does his chain of command know what he is doing? Co's XO's and his Division Offices should know about this, It could pose a problem on board the ship and they would not want this. They will seek resources to assist you and your child. You will be taken care of, If he thinks he is broke now wait till he is divorced....
Good Luck Hun, Hope it works out for you, and not all guys are the same....

Answer 2

Oh man, I know exactly how you feel. I used to live in San Diego about 8 years ago, I moved to Tn because the cost of living is better. For your bills, do you have too many credit cards? Consider filing bankruptcy if that will help or some other credit counseling thing. If nothing is in your name, don't include your name since this may not be the reason he wants a divorce. He may just want to live the single life. Divorce doesn't cost much if you petition it with the court without an attorney, if you agree to everything. In Californai, you have to go through some counseling because you have a child together. Okay, here is the part you want to hear, stop cooking, stop cleaning, stop doing anything for him, just for you, if he says he wants a divorce, let him know what it feels like to be alone. Oh, do you guys get out of the house at all? Together I mean, like hang out with friends, maybe go to the beach, maybe visit Tijuana during the day, it is perfectly safe to eat down there, especially in Rosarito. Do something fun that doesn't require alot of money, Mexico is cheap. Just get out of your routine. Oh, and you don't have to go on strike to get the point across, just go with what your heart says, but don't try to please him too much, he may see this as desperation. Good Luck and I am sorry I cannot tell you more, you did not say whether or not he is mean to you or if you have a good relationship besides the money issues. Ask the chaplain for marriage counseling. Oh and if he says he wants a divorce so that he can buy stuff for him, then he is not thinking of his family like he should be. I think he is being very selfish, a man should put his family first, I do, and I am not even a man. The Navy will make him take care of you, so don't worry, move back to Texas and start over you can get help with daycare and such

Answer 3

I am 41, going through the same thing with two small kids.
First, get out, he is taking advantage of you. It won't look either way in court if you stay or go, but I say go back to your family. He will HAVE to pay support and if it takes him working two jobs so be it. Most states have what they call "tender years" law where if your child is under 30 months your income won't reflect in the support he is required. Daycare is rough, there is state funded legal aid, there is state funded help and assistance for you. I have nothing and am starting from scratch, but it is much more healthy for my kids to witness a loving relationship and me without the stress of a bad marriage then worry about the stuff I can change. If he really wanted a divorce he would have gotten one. Texas is a LOT LESS expensive to live in and raise children vs. California....if your family is supportive, see if you can stay with them until you get on your feet...have faith, pray to God and focus on making sure your son is happy!!!

Answer 4

its always hard to leave. Have you talked to your family in Texas? Can you go stay with your parents until you get on your feet? If he says he wants to get a divorce so he can buy want he wants for his self than you need to realize that he isn't thinking about the child's needs. Think about what's best for your son. There are plenty of programs that can help too. The spousal and child support will come out of his check before he even sees it so there's no way he can spend it. And think about it, if some how he doesn't pay, he gets locked up. No it will not look bad in court, it looks like that you are trying to save your marriage and all your husband can do is think about himself. He made his bed now he can sleep in it. If he wants the divorce make him pay for it.

Answer 5

In the military you husband has to pay you BAH or 200 per dependant. Base legal doesn't like to tell you this, he has to pay this regardless of any other bills if there is NO SEPERATION AGREEMENT. My x is a marine and I too was a stay at home mom of two kids. He has to pay support and spousal support no matter if he could pay his "bills". We had to split the bills 50/50. I know you don't want to hear it but your going to have to get a job, stay with your parents until you can get enough money stashed to get you into an apartment. If you have any more questions, email me. I have been there and I know what its like to struggle. There are programs out there that will make daycare cheap so that you can work and also food stamp programs to help with food. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I do understand why you feel the way you do, from reading your story. Let me say I feel your pain, and I am glad I have a little advice that might help. Try to call some of your family in Texas and see if they could keep your son for a while if you trust them. I think you should do this because it might be a good idea to go back to school. You can get through this, I know you can, you just have to believe. If you love your husband, and if he still has a little love for you in his heart, show him that you are worth keeping. I know you care about your son and you want what's best for him overall. Believe me, he would want his father to be with him, to see his face everyday and think to himself, " Wow, what a dad I have." It's no fun being a child going from house to house as a child. If you don't think you have the money to go back to college or you can't get a loan, you may have to apply for a job at a clothing store or as a table waitress at Olive garden or Red Lobster, but either way it goes, you definitely have to start looking for a job As Soon As Possible. You definitely haveto support your son, he's number one through out all of this. Also, you said that your husband wanted a divorce in December. Well, believe it or not, you still have time to earn him back if you love him and most importantly if he is a good and faithful man. And it won't make you look bad in court to say that you still are taking care of him. Forget what other people think, because girl, you are fighting for your marriage; you are fighting to keep this together, to keep a stable home enviornment for your son, so how can they call you crazy if they are just looking from the outside? But also, don't feel useless, because if anybody needs to have faith in you it's you, and you will make it through all of this. Go to church and pray everynight, because God will definitely see you through. I hope I have been a help to you. Good Luck.

Answer 7

you've talked to a navy legal officer, now try talking to a navy chaplain. ask about martial counseling services that may be available to you both.

one thing for sure, a broke couple with an 18 month old baby will be even broker if they're legally separated or divorced. it really is true that two can live more cheaply than one.

sure, a navy man can transfer to a ship and get a berth and meals (three hots and a cot, it used to be called) but if he sees his friends with money to go out and an expensive car from a reup bonus, he's kidding himself if he thinks he can get there through a divorce. you and the baby will get most of his available pay, and through an allotment, to boot.

a final thought, after lots of years, I learned "you've got to own your own stuff" - meaning, you need to take a look at yourself and ask, why did I get married 5 years ago and why should we stay married now? when you try marriage counseling, and I hope you do, ask your therapist about this.

is there navy-subsidized daycare you can use to get a job, even part-time? is there work you can do with your child along (some kinds of driving jobs allow this). can you bring in some more money into the family, or just for yourself, to prove you have worth (of course, you do, and so does your husband) and options (more than you probably think you have now).

you both are in a tough situation and I wish you both (and your baby) lots of luck.

Answer 8

well it's not gonna get any better so bite the bullet and apply for public assistance. Go back to school. You can get grants and stuff. Also, there are lawyers who do work for people in your situation for free. I left my ex with my daugher and the clothes on our backs 2 1/2 years ago. After I got out from under his thumb and PRAYED, ALOT, things got better. I just had to put one foot in front of the other. We're now moving into our own small home, I have a really good job, and the loser has made one child support payment and still isn't in jail, but it's okay cuz we can, and HAVE made it without him. There are really really wonderful people and agencies who are very kind and helpful in this situation; you just need to ask for a hand up (not a hand out). God Bless You. You deserve more from life.

Answer 9

Is their counseling available on base? If so I suggest you and your husband take advantage of it. If all of your problems stem from lack of money, it sounds like it is something that can be resolved. You have a child and if you both still love each other it is worth a shot to try and work things out. Maybe you could contribute to the finances' in some way? Take in babysitting, or get a part time job, that could relieve some of the stress. You are both very young and it would take a lot of effort on both parts to make it work. Good luck to you, and always remember the welfare of your child should always be your first priority.

Answer 10

that sucks, and one other thing you haven't mentioned is he might fight for custody and could win. in that case you may have to pay child support. what you should probably do is go to a trade school. like western career college or somthing. anything in the medical profession is pretty high in demand. and you need to go now while your still married if you can. if you keep waiting its going to be worse. if you even get spousal support it is only for about 6 months max, and its based on how much he makes so you could end up only getting 200 a month. like you said you need to be independant, and thats the most important thing. there are tons of grants for school, and dozens of training programs for free. go to your local unemployment office. there also is job corp. you live there free they train you and feed you plus you can graduate a program in as little as 6 months.

you could try to open up a daycare, when i was in the military my wife watched kids, and the area your in you can make good money!!! we had some people willing to pay 400 a week!!! for one kid!!! but do your homework. single military moms allways need daycare/sitters.

hope i could help