I just found out that I'm pregnant. I've been with my boyfriend for over 4 years and we are actually in the process of closing on a house together. We are both in our mid 20's with good jobs. We aren't engaged but have always had a specific date in mind. My parents are now are saying that we MUST be married before this baby comes. They generally are pretty flexible parents, but really won't budge on this. My bf doesn't want to rush and have a "shot gun wedding" and I'm stuck in the middle. Any recommendations?
2006-06-26 13:43:55 · 53 answers · asked by justjen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can truly understand were your parents are coming from! but you and your man need to discuss this alone and then decide.
2006-07-09 13:06:08 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you are actually living like a wife and husband why should you not get married? What is the idea in postponing the wedding? I don't recommend pushing your boy friend but i cannot understand why there should be any delay in getting married. You feel stuck in the middle? and your boy friend doesn't care? Something is wrong with him. What does he mean by shot gun wedding? You can plan it and marry before the baby arrives. It is exactly for this kind of situation that you should first marry and then sleep with your husband. The conventional wisdom seems better than the modern attitude. Try to convince your boyfriend without being pushy. Ultimately you have to bear the baby.
2006-07-08 05:55:39 · answer #2 · answered by StraightDrive 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would do what you want to do.
If you were my kid I would love it if you got married before the baby is born.
One way or another somone is going to get their feelings hurt and could be a life time conflict. And what a horrible thing for a family to go through.
You are between a rock and a hard place.
Sit down with your partner and make a list of pros and cons.
Bottom line is that this is YOUR wedding, not your parents.
It would be equally wrong for you to NOT comply with the parents JUST to be contrary.
Talk about it without taking in anyones opinion bout your own.
What would you do if it were just the two of you. and you do have something coming (the baby) who wasn't in the plans before.
Factor in the baby with your plans. There is no right or wrong answer here- just the answer that you choose.
I do see that if your parents push too much they will have the reverse reaction from you. If they are wise then they will say their piece then drop it and let you guys make up your own minds.
Tell them....."we love you so much, we really don't want this wedding to have everyone fighting. We feel that sinse this is our wedding we have chocen to................... fill in the blank.'
The nicely tell them that they are so important to you that you want them to help you .....fill in the blank. Make them feel important and needed.
Some questions you might ask yourself. Do you want to have a huge bellie at the wedding (personally I see nothing wrong with that) Or do you want the baby at the wedding. If you wait until she can be the flower girl or ring barrer then the wedding might never happen.
Don't rebell against your parents.....have your action not a reaction.
2006-07-06 21:29:10 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have the wedding really quickly because you won't like how you look in your wedding dress once you start 'showing'. As well, you are not rushing it-you have been together four years and now you are pregnant with his baby,you are also buying a house together so if he won't commit now -he never will. Now is the time to find out if he will ever marry you and if he really plans to commit to you. I agree with your parents-it's not about perception -it's about making him step up and be a man-and be responsible. It sounds to me as though he is suffering from 'why buy a cow when the milk is free' syndrome. A shotgun wedding? What -does he want to make sure the flower arrangement he wants is in stock? OR that he is able to book the prettiest hall? PLLLLEEEAASE -WHAT A BUNCH OF CROCK!If he doesn't marry you right now-within the next couple months -I guarantee you -he NEVER will.
2006-06-26 13:58:43 · answer #4 · answered by MAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should push the wedding up. He's worried about "rushing" and having a shot gun wedding? I think the issue has grown a little deeper than whether or not your marriage is viewed as a shot gun wedding. Your boyfriend needs to realize that he has a baby on the way and what HE wants is now on the back burner. There should be no question in either of your minds as whether to push the wedding up.
2006-06-26 13:54:50 · answer #5 · answered by boxerpitk9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This question is perfect for me. I got pregnet at 15 with my highschool sweetheart and he was only 17. Everyone pushed us to get married, we did not. We loved each other very much but were just to young and did not know what would happen.Well our son was born in Oct 2001 and we broke up in March 2002. Well a year went by and we got back to gether in 2003, bought us a house, got married in 2005 and now happily have another baby on the way. So I say don't rush things, they will happen how God has got them planned for you.
2006-07-09 14:29:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, that's a hard one. your parents can push all they want. if you and your boyfriend aren't really ready to get married then don't rush. you'll still be together for the baby, right? i feel if ya'll are both gonna be there, doesn't matter what your marital status is. being married would be more traditional but think of the kids out there having 3 or 4 babies by 3 or 4 different guys. don't stress it!
2006-06-26 14:24:01 · answer #7 · answered by carolinaz_most_wanted85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I believe a couple having a baby should be married, I do not think you should marry just because your parents say you "Must". Marry because you love one another and not for any other reason. Being pressured into marriage only puts more stress on the relationship- you have enough to adjust to with buying a house, having a baby, etc...
2006-06-26 13:52:37 · answer #8 · answered by cynjo59 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about this.... if you have been together this long and are buying a house then it is serious. If you get married before the baby... there will be question about if you got married for the baby. Why not wait and have all the parts fall into place WITHOUT the help of the parents and in laws. It is by far your life and his. Not theirs.
2006-07-10 06:19:58 · answer #9 · answered by living this life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait. A girl I know was in the same sit. and her parents forced her to marry him right then. They planned a wedding in a month. It was nothing that she wanted; it was what she could get in a month.
She was showing by then and looked ridiculous in this huge, formal white dress. On top of it, they forgot to hire an organist and her shoes squeaked as she waddled down the aisle. And everyone was scandalized and kept saying, "You know they HAD to get married, right?"
If you wait, you can plan it the way you want it to be, on the specific date you want. You won't have to settle or look ridiculous. Also, everyone will know you didn't have to get married-you did it because you love each other.
You are an adult about to be a parent. Time to be partners, make a decision for your lives, and put the foot down. Or, your parents might try to control the way you raise your child as well.
2006-07-09 12:02:29 · answer #10 · answered by barrwiese 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't rush it, you are still parents no matter if you are married or not. Plan the wedding, in order to get what you want, this is the only one (hopefully) It is your special day, make it that way. It is just fine to get married after children. Just tell your parents that you are greatful for their advise, but you 2 decided to just wait and have the wedding you have always dreamed of. Congrats!
dp
2006-07-07 04:47:35 · answer #11 · answered by mikemadie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋