I’m I being wrong or selfish?

Question

I’ve gone through a lot of $hit in my life. We’ve been dating for 8 months and she knows it makes me uncomfortable knowing that she is dancing all night with other men; but she sees nothing wrong with it. She wants to go out dancing with her sister for the weekend. This makes me so sad; I told her if she wanted to go she can. I’m scared that my feelings will change towards her; because we’ve already talked about this in the past. I don’t want this to jeopardize our relationship.

Answer 1

Let her know that even though you trust her it still makes you
feel uncomfortable seeing or knowing that she dances with other
guys. She may give a guy the wrong impression. But maybe the
two of you should take a dance class together to freshen up your
dance moves.

Answer 2

I would ask you one thing about your relationship, what do you want out of it. If it is a permanent relationship, and it bothers you then talk to her about it and hopefully you can come to an agreement.

I think that if it bothers you and you are wanting more commitment then you should have the right to ASK for it and expect it from her. If she is not willing to respect you on this then move on, but talk it out first.

It is never good to be in a relationship where one side is pulling all the strings. I cant say for sure but it sounds like she has a few strings that she is pulling.

However if you are not wanting a permanent relationship, then I think that she should be allowed 'some' flexibility here. Another question would be do you offer to go with her or does she ask you to go with her? If this has not happened then maybe you should try this and see what the response will be.

I know very little about your relation ship so dont take this the wrong way but dont settle for someone who does not respect you, and gives you a little attention to pacify you. It maybe that she does not want what you do in this relationship, if so there are other fish in the sea (so to speak).

Answer 3

I suggest talking it out until there is nothing left to talk about. It sounds to me like she has no respect for you or your relationship. I know that I wouldn't go out dancing with other guys all the time if my guy didn't want it. I love and respect him and our relationship too much to do that to him/us.

I can see going out with her friends once a week or month to go to dinner, dancing, etc, just for a girls night out as long as she is going home with the girls and not someone else, but not when it is all the time. But, again, I wouldn't do that all the time if it bothered my guy.

Has she given you reasons, other than she doesn't see anything wrong with it, why she does this even though you have asked her not to? Does she respect you in the rest of your relationship? Could she be doing this because she thinks that you have disrespected her in some way and she is getting you back? Ask her these things and look at how she treats you. If she doesn't respect you in other ways, then she more than won't do it with this situation either.

A relationship takes a lot of work and compromise. It sounds to me like you are doing the compromising but she isn't willing to budge. I realize you don't want to jeopardize this relationship, but I feel that she is the one doing that, not you. I feel that you are being a bit too easy on her when it comes to this. Talk this out. If she isn't willing to compromise (only go out once a week or month instead of all the time) then she won't be willing to work on the relationship and it will be time to think about leaving the relationship. Everyone deserves someone that is willing to work on the relationship. Compromising is a win-win situation that all relationships need.

Good luck.

Answer 4

What are you doing? Why are you with a girl that doesn't have just you on her mind? She may still be looking. Out dancing with other people .....sounds like she's still looking. Been there done that. Let go of her. Give yourself time to heal from your past issues. Be by yourself for awhile and get to know who you are THEN maybe the right gal will come along. Stop selling yourself short! You will know when you know! Keep busy....work hard.

Answer 5

If she really loves you, she should go dancing with you. I would not want my gf dancing all night with other guys. I don't know how serious you are but we are at 8 months too and my gf does not dance with other guys esp if I am not there. I think you two should have a long talk and get everything on the table.

Answer 6

Sounds like you are over protective and have trust issues going on.. You guys aren't married..However she should be able to respect your feelings..AND you should respect her time out..Not til the point she's staying out all night and coming home the next morning. Then you should better know she's doing more than just dancing with these men.

Go out with her..Have a good time!

Your girl may not be willing to settle down..Like they say..You can't turn any Whore into a house wife..

Answer 7

I had similar problem with a man I dated for nearly three years. In the end it did not work out. He was bit confused about his life goals. In any event, before we broke up he admitted that I had been right all along. His desire to go to the club was a result of his constant need for reassurance. I could not baby his ego 24/7 (and even if I could it would not have been enough). My point in telling you this story is simple: cut your losses now or be prepared to live with this behavior. This is how she is and until she decides to change, you will not be able to beg, cry or pled enough to get her out of the clubs. Another alternative is to go to the clubs with her...Hope this helps.

Answer 8

I don't think you're being selfish at all. Me and my b/f used to fight all the time because I would want to go off and hang out with my guy friends. I didn't see where I was wrong. I had no idea how much it hurt my b/f until we made a deal. He said that I could go out with my guy friends if he could hang out with his girl friends. I was nervous the whole time. Worrying about which one was trying to take him from me. What was going on? I haven't hung out with them like that ever again. No, you are NOT being selfish. Try this with her, make a deal and see how well she goes through with it... I bet she'll find it just as hard to swallow as you've had to. Good luck :)

Answer 9

You gotta set standards for yourself, know what you want and what you can deal with, and take those expectations into a relationship. If she is still clubbing without you often enough that it upsets you she may not be as serious about the relationship as you are, or on the commitment level that you desire. Decide what you want and what you need and either choose to live with it or live without it.

Answer 10

What relationship? If she wants other male company she's LOOKING! Find someone who wants to go out with you. I married one and am still paying the price till this day. Sorry dude but she is playing you. Find you a decent girl and you will hurt her pride while doing yourself a huge favor. THIS IS FROM PAST EXPERIENCE!!!!! This is a case where the nice guy finishes last.