I am just wanting some advice on how to cope with emotional affairs and move on. We are still married and he tells me he loves me all the time - but he told her he loved her too...I guess that is my problem now. I know he loves me. But it just does not mean the same to me anymore. And that makes me so sad but I just do not know how to get past that. So if anyone has any idea, please tell me. He also said they held hands when he was away from me at school - like in the mall, etc. And now, it's just like the saying I love you - when he holds my hands I think about them doing that - and I know this sounds trivial but I just hate it. I can't get it all out of my head. Please help.
2006-06-26 12:31:13 · 16 answers · asked by AnswerGirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For the last comment - we have 2 boys - ages 5 and 2.
2006-06-26 12:41:15 · update #1
It's completely normal and reasonable for you to be so upset about an emotional affair. Women connect to men in very emotional ways, so an emotional affair can sometimes have longer-lasting effects and inject more doubt into a relationship than a physical one.
You and your husband should go to couples' counseling not only to help you to resolve your feelings about the issue and gain trust back, but to explore what led to this situation in the first place so he can learn appropriate coping strategies rather than turning to people outside the relationship.
2006-06-26 12:36:48 · answer #1 · answered by athena1213 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to get yourselves a marriage counselor... quick. I don't think I could get over and forgive an emotional affair, so the fact that you're trying means you love him and you WANT to get over it. I also think, however, that the longer you try to sort through this alone, the more you'll resent him and you might end up hating him in the end. Get a 3rd party involved. A 3rd party that's trained for this. There MUST be some underlying reason that he HAD the affair in the first place, and I believe there's a chance of him doing it again untill his issues are addressed also. I REALLY respect that you're trying to fix it and stay married. I believe I would try also. I just think it's going to be a really trying road as it is.... don't make it any harder by trying to go it alone. Good luck.
2006-06-26 19:44:06 · answer #2 · answered by El 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also have had an emotional affair, and for me, that was something I could not expect my husband to forgive, a sexual affair is just a physical act, but when it is emotional, it is so much deeper and, in my opinoin, the ultimate betrayal. Apparently she met some need that he had. I would suggest therapy, learning to understand your feelings and ultimately deal with them. Every relationship is different. Remember, words are words, does he express his love for you in other ways? Can you get past this or just learn to stuff it? I think counseling is definately in order to work this out, it'll be a long road, but well worth it.....good luck
2006-06-27 00:16:14 · answer #3 · answered by one_charmed_01 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Question: Is he still cheating on you with anyone? If not then I can tell you now, you will never get over it. You will forget it. You might forgive him, but you will not get over it. Talk with him. Let him know how you fell. It will take awhile to even try to cope with what happened. Go slow and try as hard as you can. If you can not work it out then the best thing to do is separate from each other for awhile. Don't get a divorce or anything yet. But maybe just be apart for awhile. If separating is not good for you then you have to forgive him and move on.
2006-06-26 19:41:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can imagine its as bad as if they sex ! My girfriend went thru tht and yeah she divorced him a fews years later,I think he broke your trust and vows of your marriage.Im sorry but you wont trust him ever again the way you did ! He changed the relationship all by himself.Yes he says he loves you but he is pretty free with tht phrase.You sound young and smart ,You have a whole life ahead of you to find the right guy ,I would pick one older tht has alot of this out of his system and ready to settle down.Your dude is still not ready for marriage and may never be .Tell him when you care for someone be very careful what you do!and get movin in a hurry cause they will say anything ! Remember actions are louder than words! And what u see is what u get!no denial please!Good luck and put on your boots!
2006-06-26 19:43:42 · answer #5 · answered by jessy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you would not have married him if you did not love him, these things take time but when you said I Do you made a committment before God and you can't retract that statement no matter how hard you try if you decide to divorce him you will still be married in God's eyes you said until death do you part and that is how it should be. Love to me is the highest elevation of understanding and when you have to begin to understand things then something has gone wrong like in your case. Pray about it claim you husband forgive him, damn that heifer and get your life back.
2006-06-26 19:42:42 · answer #6 · answered by blaquegirlmahoghany 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should think about why he emotionally detatched from you and vice versa. You obviously let him go and wasn't being honest with him about how you were feeling so he had to get that emotion from somewhere else. Women complain about men not supporting them emotionally, always physically. Here is a man who was starving for your love and attention and you couldn't give him that. Don't think of it as "cheating" on you but think of it as just fulfilling a need of a friend because friendship is a very powerful component of a relationship. I've been married for 8 yrs. and we've been through a lot of emotional starvation. I had to revaluate what I needed and what he needed and figure out where I was lacking and work on those qualities that made me choose him. We are women and we have a lot of power and men depend on us to guide them to make the best decisions possible for them to be the best man possible. Always trust him and just think he could have sexually "cheated" on you and you could be sitting in the doctors office waiting on a prescription.
2006-06-26 19:58:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would feel the same why you do and how your thinking.I think this needs to be worked out by both of you.You both need to decide what your true feelings are for each other and discuss what happened and why.You may need time and maybe a separation to find out if you want to remain together or not.You must communicate it's the best way in any relationship and be honest.The words "I LOVE YOU" are used to easily sometimes with out the true meaning behind them.Good Luck!!!
2006-06-26 19:42:23 · answer #8 · answered by Linda R 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have your own emotional affair.
Hold hands. Tell him about it.
He'll rant and rave, but THEN it'll be all out of your systems.
THEN take a trip with him, someplace he'll never go with anyone else. Do things with him that he'll never do with anyone else. Make new friends together.
The old life will pale in comparison.
Make your lives shimmer.
2006-06-26 19:38:39 · answer #9 · answered by emilsignia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not trivial, you have a right to be upset and what he did was wrong! However, you might need sometime away from him to get over it. You won't be able to continue successfully with this in the back of your mind and constantly bringing it up. Counseling can help, sometimes it takes guys some time to actually realize what they did and how destructive it can be especially in a marriage.
2006-06-26 19:35:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋