I am engaged to be married next year. I love this woman with all my heart and she loves me too. But I made some decisions in my past, that I am not proud of. I wasn't always a good man. Have been for ten years, but some things never go away and eventually comeback to haunt you. Mine caught up with me, but she does not need to be involved. I love her enough to let her go, without going through this with me. How do I do it? how do I break up with her?
She would stay, but I can't put her at risk
HELP ME
2006-06-26 12:00:42 · 20 answers · asked by Luis T 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NEED ADVISE ON HOW TO BREAK IT UP
2006-06-26 12:03:29 · update #1
so they would hurt her? because of you?
why would you think of marrying her.?
just tell her right now, that you cant. either lie or tell the truth!!!
I would tell her truth and let her go.
just tell her now!!!!
2006-06-26 12:21:42 · answer #1 · answered by cats3inhouse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her exactly what u just said...tell her.....i love you with all my heart,But I made some decisions in my past, that I am not proud of. I wasn't always a good man. Have been for ten years, but some things never go away and eventually comeback to haunt you. Mine caught up with me, but you dont need to be involved. I love you enough to let you go, without going through this with me. I dont want you to get hurt,if u did i dont know what i'd do..i love you so much,i cant put you at risk.....
thats a very good speech....and its all from you.....i hope you resolve your problems and things work out okay...goodluck
2006-06-26 19:08:39 · answer #2 · answered by ~*~SugarHigh~*~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to ask yourself how much you really love her if you are keeping secrets from her. Tell her what is going on. If she loves you she will stay and together you can make through anything.
If what you did was so horrible that she will no longer accept you then the truth will do the breaking up for you.
Don't be selfish. Keeping secrets from her is selfish and breaking up with her without telling her about your terrible past will leave her thinking that the break up is her fault.
Stop keeping secrets and tell her the truth. Then let the decision be hers.
If she stays, then you will be blessed with a strong and understanding woman. They are rare nowadays.
If she goes, then it was your first option anyways.
Either way you will ensure that she will be okay with all of this.
2006-06-26 19:26:28 · answer #3 · answered by happybujok 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should hold off on the marriage but i can't see why you want to break off the relationship completely. are you already married? did a divorce not go through? if it's something more serious like that, then maybe you have to cut her off completely. but if you really love this girl and even wanted to marry her at some point (being engaged now), then maybe you should talk to her about it or try to work it out. i can't see why you'd dismiss this girl completely b/c of some bad decisions. also, going to jail, that might be a good break up situation.
i think the best breakup is the honest breakup. tell her the real reason you don't think it will work, and not a lame excuse. i think she at least deserves that, being your fiancee and all.
2006-06-26 19:07:01 · answer #4 · answered by broadcast_girl79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's fair for you to break things off and make the decision for her that she shouldn't stick around with you. What do you think being in love is about - it's about being there for your partner no matter what comes along. You need to talk to her about whatever it is that you are dealing with and at least give her the option to stay or go. You are in a relationship with her and she deserves the right to know whats going on and make her own choice. If you leave her and decide everything for yourself you are going to hurt her much worse than if you tell her the truth.
2006-06-26 19:04:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would hurt her even more if you broke things off before you marry her. That would be really dramatic and hurtful to both of you. Everybody makes mistakes and that is being part of human nature. If you have been with her for awhile I am sure she knows about your past. If not, let her know, honesty is the best possible, as a woman, the truth does hurt be it is VERY appreciative, eventhough we may not want to hear it, we are VERY receptive to it. I think we all struggle with the past, sometimes, as hard as it is, in order to move forward we have to learn from our past and move. At times that can be difficult if you let it affect you everyday. Tell her the truth before you marry her. Your past is not worth losing your fiance, wife and a wonderful future over. Deal with your past, whatever you need to do, cry, talk to the person...and move on.
You will be okay. Honesty, is always the best policy.
2006-06-26 19:09:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, be honest with her. you need to tell her exactly what happened, and what is going on now. she deserves to know the truth. if she is understanding, then, something can be worked out.
maybe with some space, you can fix whatever is going on, and she will wait for you. everything can be fixed with communication. tell her whats wrong, and she might be waiting for you when you are done and come back.
why not move away? to a different place and start everything new with her? there are sooo many options. think about it. and talk to her.
i would stand with my man no matter what the situation was. and i would try to help in any way i possibly could.
2006-06-26 19:09:46 · answer #7 · answered by LiLiTh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she already knows what they are, why would you want to break up with her??
Is this something got to do with your body?? In any case, I think you can speak to her and tell her that you will need to break up with her for the mutual benefit.
She should understand and move on, but if she does not wnt to move on, then I think you should be happy that she is ready to go through happiness and sorrow with you, isnt that what marriages are about??
Talking about options are the only way you can break up with her. Be clear and consice. Dont mince words or beat around the bush.
Whatever it is, it could only be a Win- Win situation for you. (ironically)
All the best, mate!!
2006-06-26 19:07:32 · answer #8 · answered by stillfreezing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be easier to answer if I knew exactly what has caught up with you or whatnot. But I will tell you this, if you love her and she loves you, you should be able to get through whatever you are about to go through TOGETHER. That is part of being in a loving relationship, you have to be able to help eachother through hard times. If you really think you need to break up with her, you need to tell her the truth. She will end up finding out. We women have our ways of finding out things. Good luck with everything.
2006-06-26 19:05:47 · answer #9 · answered by Mariela. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you tell her about it, she is supposed to be the closest person to you, share your life with her , share your worries and problems with her , she loves you and let her make that decision . Breaking up with her may not be the answer to this, she loves you and im sure she would stick with you through thick and thin.Nothing is ever as bad as it seems you know,... there are ways to get thorugh things no matter how bad they are .. time and lots of clear thinking will help ...wish you all the best :)
2006-06-26 19:14:28 · answer #10 · answered by springo88 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love this woman as much as you claim, and she loves you that much in return it shouldn't be a matter of YOU giving HER up. Talk to her and explain what happened, and why you did what you did. Be the man you claim to be, and give her the choice of whether she can live with your past or not.
2006-06-26 19:04:11 · answer #11 · answered by kc_warpaint 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋