What do you do when your best friends' husband keeps coming on to you?Do I tell her?This is a touchy subject!

Question

My friend for over 20yrs is married to this jerk she thinks the world of. It all started 13yrs ago. He and I were friends 1st. We use to work together. He and my ex-boyfriend played ball together. He and my friend met at a dinner party we had. I tried to warn her against dating him, but she wouln't listen. I knew he was a dog because he tried to date my cousin at the same time. She warned her too! Well now they are married! Eww! He is always saying things like how he should have told me how he felt a long time ago. I use to just pass it off jokingly in the past like "whatever" & try to avoid the subject. Well now things have escalated. He is now trying to persue me be calling me all the time wanting to take me out. I always decline letting him know a don't condone his persistant advancements. He won't stop. How do I tell her?She's a very jealous person. I don't want to break up a happy home. Now he sayin he's in love with me after 13yrs? Help me! This is getting very uncomfortable!

Answer 1

disreguard it as playful flirting

Answer 2

Obviously your friend will feel hurt and betrayed because you've let the calls go on and on, but she will get over that. Your responsibility is to tell your husband and her at the same time in front of this idiot. Put him on the spot, so he can not make up any lies. I don't care if she is a jealous person, trust between friends is very important and your blowing it by not being honest with her. Getting uncomfortable? after all that time? You need to do something about it pronto.... if you didn't like it, you would have done something by now either that or you have no spine. It makes it sound as if you are hiding secrets from both your husband and your best friend. If I were in your shoes, I'd have said something right away and put a halt to it whether it made friend cry or not, in the long run she would see it was for the best. Now she's going to wonder what was always said between you two for all that time. Good luck

Answer 3

You have to worry about how this is making you feel. She is your best friend but its time now for her to realize what her husband is really like. She might even realize what he is doing and just blocks it out or she is so in love with him that she has blind love.

I would definitely let her know what is going on. She will most likely not believe you and possibly your friendship might be over. He undoubtedly shows a different side to her. But I would tell her so be it. One day you will find out how he really is and then you will realize what i said was the truth.

Its a tricky situation when it involves your best friend. But maybe she needs to lose a good friend to finally come to her senses. But its going to take time. Right now she won't listen to anyone, and one day he will hurt her very bad and only then will she finally believe that he is not this wonderful person.

Answer 4

It is possible that he has "bully syndrom" which meas he bullies peopele who he gets response from. It is a sick sense of humor.
It crosses boundries definatly.
I have a feeling that your friend knows what he is like and she loves him in spite of it And she ignroes it.

I would say, never be alone with him. If he phones, don't say a word just hang up. Be consistant in this or the bullie in him will try harder to find your breaking point. Eventually he will give up and pick on someone else.

There are other things you can do. You could tell your friend that her husbands teasing you is tiresome and that he needs to stop. You don't have to go in to detail. Then tell him if he teases you will scream. After one tease and you screaming he will get the message. LOL Or threaten him by filing harassment charges.
Another idea might be to tape him while he misbehaves with you. Then tell him you will show it to to his wife and to the cops. Hopefully he will stop.
Otherwise ignore him, like he is invisable.

Answer 5

I've been in your spot-My friend's boyfriend was calling my cell phone and telling me your pretty and all kinds of stuff and I didn't want to tell her 'cause what if she didn't believe me and our friendship is over. So, this one night he kept calling and calling and I told him you have a baby and my friend is almost like your wife, me and you can't happen and I'm not interested and he started telling me he wanted to mess with me nobody had to find out about this and while he was telling me this I press the record button on my cell phone and I kept on with the conversation and the whole conversation was record. The next day I went to her house and told her I needed to talk to her and I didn't want to cause problems, but I wanted to show her what kind of "supposively" man she had and what she was doing behind her back. If you have a cell phone you should record it or try to somehow on the regular phone.

Answer 6

First off you can't break up a "happy home" if he is looking elsewhere he is not that happy. you need to straight out ignore him. most likely if you tell your friend she would not believe you & even if she does, she's been with him for 13 years & she might accually think that you caused him to like you somehow.

so ignore him

if he comes closer to you in a more advancing way that makes you uncomfortable like ambushes you in a parking lot or something... then tell him if he doesn't want to get hurt where it counts to step off.... if he says anything either than he's sorry that kick, knee, or grab him there till he drops.... do not conversate with him after your statement, no talking or working things out just kicking.

if she ask you why you are not speaking to hm or ignoring him. just tell her what he said to you & that it makes you feel uncomfortable to talk to him. you don't want to give him anything to misconstrue.

hope this helps,

ss

Answer 7

shes your best friend and she really needs to know about this yeah it will hurt her but you didnt do anything wrong. If hes trying to hook up with you then its not really a happy home trust me. this is worse then between a rock and a hard place. i really hope she doesnt freak out on you. just remember to tell her what you say in your question, that you used to pass it off as a joke but when you realized it was serious on his end you repeatedly asked him to stop and that he made you very uncomfortable. Your best friend is your best friend for a reason,

Answer 8

I think you should tell her. Tape record some of the phone conversations you have when he calls you. If she doesn't believe you and breaks off your friendship, that is up to her. In the long run she will come to her senses. Hopefully you will be a forgiving friend. Good luck.

Answer 9

gosh - obviously you havent done a good job in getting rid of him.. may be you like the attention but cant pursue it because its against your morals? its time you sorted out your own feelings - not just about him, in general about yourself, your self esteem and then do whats best for you.... since you asked, my 2cents: give him stern warning that "you are going to tell your friend about this with proof".. obviously your friend doesnt deserve him so sooner they break up, better for everyone and if she is jealous type and breaks up with you, all the better, why to hang around fickle minded people anyways? whatever you do, its time to do something! not sit there and play along in his stupid games...

Answer 10

Friends are forever right? Tell her she'll get, mad but she's going to realize that you warned her from the start. After you tell her give her sometime she'll come to her senses and see that you did it for her own good. That's what friend do they have each other's back good or bad.

Answer 11

Radio shack sells this wonderful thing called a mini recorder. It is great to go up to your phone. Record the stupid jerk coming on to you as you tell him this is the 100th time you will tell him NO. Take her the tape, a box of Kleenex, and a gun.