me & me boy friend are spliting up & he says I have 2 live close to him because we have kids! And I'm from another state & he knew I always planned 2 move back there.
2006-06-26 11:03:09 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you do not intend on taking the kids with you, there is no legal issue at all. It will be more difficult for you to visit your kids, since you will have to travel farther, but you will have to determine if it's worth the extra effort.
However, if you want to take the kids and move them out of the state, then yes legal issues can come in. It is within the realm of possibility that your ex-boyfriend would choose not to legally contest custody based on this situation.
However, do not listen to others that claim that since you are not married that you do not have to get custody established. There is no legal presumption of custody between unmarried couples, though if you live apart and you have primary custody, this is called de facto custody. It is not the same as legal custody. You will have to file for legal custody before you can file for child support. When you go to get custody established, it is not the same as contesting custody after it is established - after it is established, it is very difficult to get changed - but before it is established, there is no presumption of favor for custody toward one party or the other.
If you are the primary caregiver of the child, then that will work in your favor in a court case, but it is not the only consideration. This primary caregiver business is not based on the sex of the person in the case, though; instead, it is who actually takes care of the child more - so a stay-at-home dad would be a primary caregiver, even though he's a man. If you claim that you're the primary caregiver, then he may try to do the same, and it becomes difficult to prove, especially if you are both employed and working same/similar hours.
While it's possible that moving would have no repurcussions when establishing custody, that's only if he allows it. He's also legally able to contest custody on this basis. The courts try to maintain stability, and if you try to move them out of a state that they have known as home all of their lives, where the father would remain as well, then the courts may decide that it is better for the father to have custody. You may hear rumors of how courts prefer mothers, but that is not the case; it is simply that *most* men allow women to have custody, instead of contesting it. However, if he contests custody, I'm sorry, but despite the common misconception, no such preference exists in the court system.
So I would recommend avoiding a situation, where it creates hard feelings between you two. And moving out of state will create hard feelings, because it will make visitation that much more difficult, because of the extensive travel time.
Even if you get custody, the visitation may go such that there are infrequent and lengthy visitation stays, instead of short, frequent visitation, because that is a typical arrangement for parents that live long distances from each other. You have to consider if that is the type of visitation agreement that you would like for the courts to rule on, especially if it is contested.
You may have come from another state, but consider the kids' interests as well, and that they need a father in their lives. I don't mean to sound preachy here, because I am divorced with a child from that marriage too. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that I like my ex-husband, so it's not that I want him in my life, but in my situation, I know full well this isn't about how I feel - I have to consider every situation from the child's perspective, and that means not making things like custody and visitation harder than it has to be.
2006-06-26 11:18:44 · answer #1 · answered by Kestra SpiritNova 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most states won't make you stay in the same state (if any), but there can be visitation issues, and also Grandparents Rights issues. You need to consult with an attorney to find out what your state requires.
Do yourself and your kids a favor...never use them as a tool against your ex, and never bad mouth their father in front of them. Let them decide for themselves whether is a father or a daddy. They will respect you more for it when they get older.
2006-06-26 11:23:28 · answer #2 · answered by jimmy h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the state, but in the best interests of the children they should be able to also spend time with the father. Most judges would require both parents to live in the same state. Unless they did not want to see the children
2006-06-26 11:48:57 · answer #3 · answered by jolees56 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the custody part of the divorce yes he can depending on the state law for where it is filed. I know I wasn't suppose to be more then 50 miles away without his permission. I was aloud to move back home where we both we raised. And that is over the 50. It can get sticky.
2006-06-26 11:24:21 · answer #4 · answered by B D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that because you were never married you are considered the primary care giver of those kids. If he doesn't like you moving to another state.....too bad. If he really wants to see his kids than he will make the effort. It is best if you guys work together on a resolution though.
2006-06-26 11:52:35 · answer #5 · answered by Shelli T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to go to court and get a court order that would allow you to take the children outside of where you are now. If you move without his consent he can file where he is and you will have to travel back to go to court and the judge can issue an order that requires you to bring the kids back. It depends on the judge.
2006-06-26 11:23:52 · answer #6 · answered by 4X4 Woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If his lawyer is better than yours yes he can make you stay or give up the children.
I am going through the same thing now. My lawyer has put a restriction on her from moving and if she does she will have to pay for all my travel expenses to see my kid.
2006-06-26 11:52:59 · answer #7 · answered by railcar_exp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him if he wants to be close to his kids, then he should move to the state you are moving to. He is just saying that as a twisted sort of emotional blackmail. You are free to move any where you wish.
2006-06-26 11:10:56 · answer #8 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live in Illinois - you can move anywhere you want, but you can ONLY take your kids IF the husband and courts grant you permission! I pray you don't have the same laws where you live!!
2006-06-26 11:46:52 · answer #9 · answered by Drew 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no go to the family court where u r living now and explain the case to them i dont think they would say u have to stay there and speak to the family court where u plan on moving to as long as he has his visitation rights things should be fine
2006-06-26 11:08:14 · answer #10 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋