I found out my wife cheated on me, what should i do?

Question

Over a year ago I found out my wife cheated on me. We are still married but i still havent said anything to her. Should I say anything or just let it go.

Answer 1

Ask her if she wants to try swinging or polyamory. I don’t know your views on non-monogamy, but if she responds positively to your suggestion, the two of you should seriously look into the possibilities. Obviously her cheating was unfortunate because it involves deception, but you need to distinguish between whatever pain you feel from the deception, and whatever feelings you might have about non-monogamy. You can’t change the past, but you can set sail for a more promising future if you establish a new commitment together. This new commitment is not the traditional “forsaking all others” that you find in conventional marriage ceremonies, but a commitment of partnership through the adventures yet to come. At some point you should probably tell her that you know about her previous cheating, but you should do this at a time when you are feeling like you love her – NOT at a time when you are feeling bitter or resentful.

On the other hand, if you bring up the possibility of non-monogamy and she says “no way” or gets angry at you for even thinking about it, then you might want to GENTLY tell her that you know about her cheating, and that you forgive her and still love her. Once she sees this reaction, her insecurities about non-monogamy might eventually fade away and then she might be willing to think about it more positively. But don’t expect everything to be resolved all at once. You might have to work on this aspect of your relationship for many months before you both reach a point where you can trust each other enough to let go of the past and start anew.

And finally, I should point out that I am simply offering one suggestion that most people might not consider. The actual wisdom of this suggestion depends on a lot of factor that I don’t know because I don’t know either you or you wife. If you want to talk in more detail about your specific situation, feel free to contact me. I might modify my suggestions based on your actual feelings and the actual situation.

By the way, my wife and I have been non-monogamous for the past several years, and we grow more in love with each other every day. We are living proof that love in marriage can be amplified by love beyond marriage – in contrast to the standard belief that extra-marital love is always destructive. If you are a great enough soul to love your wife despite her past mistakes, then you could discover that your most amazing and deeply-loving years are yet to come.

Answer 2

Weigh very carefully the cons and pros of confronting her. Seems to me that you have already forgiven her, since you still live together.
My husband cheated on me 3 years ago, but I confronted him knowing that there was a chance he might run off with her. He stayed and i had to be really, really strong. But he has changed, well our marriage changed for good. If you think she loves you enough, tell her. She must be going through hell, too (unless she's a skank, which i doubt). You must be carrying a heavy burden, too. But if you have kids, take them into consideration before doing anything. Wish you the best of luck.

There are many reasons why a woman (or man) would cheat, and unless the one giving you advice has been through the same as you, they cannot form an opinion. I was one of the "kick his ***" team before he cheated.

Answer 3

You need to talk to her!! How could you go so long without saying anything?? that would eat me alive! How are things in the marriage now? Is she still cheating?? How long have you been married? are there kids involved?? Mainly, you need to talk to her! You need to figure out how you feel about the whole thing though. Do you trust her now? or are you always wondering if she's doing it again??

Answer 4

How did you come across this information & is this information reliable? If this information is reliable I would talk to her about it. I would have to say the trust issue of her is pretty much shot. Do you believe her when she goes out and states," With the Girls" Do you believe her. Unless some type of counselling is done, I would say your marriage is a lie. If you cheat once what's to say you wouldn't cheat again. My grandfather used to say about Cheating Women," A ring will not plug a hole!" I wish you luck and I wish you the best.

Answer 5

There are problems in marriages that can be fixed but when it comes to cheating that is a major no no. Let her know you know and leave because I know it will eventually eat you up inside. You can't forget about something like this no matter how hard you try. Good Luck.

Answer 6

After knowing this for a year, it sounds like you did let it go already. You should have confronted her and the problem as soon as you found out. She's probably been having the time of her life all this time. Be a man. What are you afraid of??? Face your problems in your marriage.

Answer 7

If you have let it go this long, and she has not strayed again, and it was a short isolated incident, let it go, what purpose could it serve other than to end a good relationship. People make mistakes. Now, if she is still cheating, or it was a long relationship that is still active, then yes confront her.

Answer 8

If you want your marriage to work, talk about it only if it bothers you so much. There is usually something that leads to it. Were you ignoring her, working all the time, full filling her needs. Men tend to forget that women have needs just like they do. You stop talking to one another. You insult each other. If you want it to work you have to remember the things you did together, and for one another, when you first got married. The old feelings. Sometimes you just forget what got you there in the first place. Hopefully LOVE.

Answer 9

How do you know she cheated on you? Did yoou give her a reason to do that to you? Why did you wait so long? You should ask her about it, but do you have proof that she done that to you? you guys will probably fight about it. and its not going to bring you guys closers, its going to drift. U will always think that in the back of your mind if shes still cheating.

Answer 10

do what ever you feel is right do you still love her do you still want her and if you guys dont have that affection like a couple than you should let her go and move on maybe thats what you need but you know what they say once a cheater always a cheater . so just talk to her and see what happens.