Why are women so vendictive while going through divorce?

Question

Mine deciced she wanted to play with her divorced girlfriends in the bars after being married for 22 years. Her idea to move out, now that the ***** is supporting herself, she thinks she wants me to support her new lifestyle. Alimony should be taken off the law books. The ***** chose to leave on her own.

Answer 1

Her lawyer told her to be that way. It's a contest now. To see who can win. That's the way courts operate. Has nothing to do with feelings. Just what must be done from here.

Answer 2

I agree with you whole-heartedly buddy - Alimony should be taken off the law books! The only reason your ex-wife is being so vindictive is because the law allows her to be so - and rewards her for it. If it was her decision to leave, she should have to deal with the consequesnces of her decision. Good luck to you, man, I feel for ya!

Answer 3

Well, because women deserve compensation after dealing with a name-calling man that is obviuolsy not a gentleman.

Answer 4

well i am seperated and i am not vendictive but i can see why some are. my husband has done everything but try to humiliate me and used my kids.....all grown.... He has sat on his end for 25 years knowing I didnt want to be there and do you think he ever tried to regain the love back in our marriage...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO he waited till the horse was dead and the tried to give it CPR.....too late its dead, but then he wants you to keep trying to lov ehim when all this time he has done squat!!!!!!!!!!! Im sorry im tired and i m fed up let me go!!!!!!!!!!!! Treats me like im his property.....not to mention he screwed around on me 18 months after we married.........and waited 33 yrs to tell me......should i be vendictive,,,,,,,,,hell yes...i wasted 33 yrs on him.

Answer 5

women are confusing at times, first we want to be married then we find someone that treats us better and we dont want to be married. your wife does want you to still provide for her, she is the one that stepped out why do you have to pay for it, take the kids and go, she doesnt deserve them or you.good luck.

Answer 6

They always say it is giong to be nice until they can not live the lifefsytle they had when they were married. Women and *** holes....

Answer 7

Well I say you got what you deserved since you are calling her names. Is that what your marriage was like?

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Answer 8

Which of you is really the bitter and vindictive one here? I am not wishing to judge, just point out not only the level of anger in your question and following explanation, but also you called her a vicious name twice. I really do have a level of understanding of the pain and greif surrounding such a betrayal as being walked out on after years of marriage. It is so sad when people are selfish, thinking of only their needs after so many years devotion and love. It is a shock to the system, a sucker punch, which is so hard to deal with, difficult to understand why and it is often easier at first to deal with it by having anger than feeling the full force of the pain.

I am sorry your wife has decided she needed to exercise her individual free well in such a way as to destroy a marriage union. A marriage union is suppose to be our safe place, our harbor against the outside would, with our spouses our best friends, partners, lovers, and life companion. When our safe harbor is shattered, and our friend, lover, companion abandones us, the pain is immense, like an ocean wave just crashing down on our heads, flooding our senses with a roar. Sorry about the decriptive narration, but as a woman I tend to be expressive. ;-) Anyway, it hurts a great deal. Then, on top of this indignity, this betrayal, this complete uncaring of our feelings, our needs, or lives, our futures, to be asked to pay money as well is just the ultimite final slap in the face. People wonder why others break out in violence, I wonder why they wonder or are surprised when they behave so horridly. Sure we try to live in a civilized society, but it sure gets difficult to keep the monster at bay when we are so pushed to our limits by the destructive behaviors of others. I really do feel for this situation, and I understand how anger can be easier than the greif. It is harder for men as they are taught to not show their greif, they are supported in aggression, then slapped down when they use it in "innapropriate" manners. I do not advocate violence, not even a smidgeon, I am just saying how hard it is to stay calm and collected when so many difficult emotions are swirling around. It is rather like a volcano getting ready to erupt, yet it can not be allowed to erupt.

I do not understand one thing you said though. If she is now self supporting, why are you required to make alimony payments? From what I understand if she is able to support herself, then the ex is off the hook, so to speak. My fiancee is divorced and while he was the main support the entire marriage, she received a masters degree during the marriage and so was able to support herself. Even though she did not give him a single dime of "her" income during the marriage, the judge did not order my fiancee to pay her a dime in alimony and they were married twentythree years. She was working at the time of the divorce so she only got half of the assets. Well, she ended up with more than half, but that was fine with my fiancee as long as he did not have to give her monthly payments. He was so glad he paid for her education, let me tell you!!! ;-) He also got to stay in the house during the period the divorce was occuring as she made up an excuse to call the police one night trying to claim abuse, yet he was the one with the marks. The cops asked if one of them had a place to go for "the night" and he piped up that a friend of hers had invited her to stay with her if she wanted to. So, she found herself grabbing an overnight bag, and then by the time she got around to thinking of coming back he had gotten an order saying as she was already out she could stay out. To this day she is a bitter woman, who makes their childrens lives hell as she refuses to attend family functions like birthdays, weddings, etc. She trys to force the kids to choose between the two yet she has nothing emotionally to give. She is also remarried and yet still says she "loves" my fiancee, which makes him shudder, as she treated him with an utter coldness and lack of respect during the entire marriage that he knows she hasn't a clue to what love really is. He stayed married for twenty years too long as he knew he had made a serious mistake shortly into the marriage, yet he knew if he left she would get the kids and would totally ruin them. As it is they have serious problems regardless of how much his pressence made life more barable for them. He finally divorced her when the youngest was seventeen.

Look, if the judge was fool enough to give this woman alimony when she is self supporting, there is nothing you can do. It is not only women who can behave with such an utter lack of care for the partner they left though. Men and women are both equally guilty of such immature behaviors. Just find an positive outlet for your emotions so you do not allow yourself to be reduced to her level. If you have children together, please try to find a way to have an amicable relationship with her. It is for the children and grandchildren's sakes, not hers. I am sure in time, after you take the time to heal, you will find a woman much better than she ever was. Life is too short to allow yourself to get sucked into bitterness and anger. It is a choice too. I know as I made the choice not to become bitter after my divorce. I learned the only person I would be hurting the most was myself, and then my children. I did not wish to waste a second more time from my life as possible in getting on with the rest of my life and finding happiness. I did, and I have. I can only tell you it will get easier in time, but you have to allow yourself to greive and to not lower yourself to her level, as well as choose not to be bitter or angry. It is a conscience choice. People often try to blame life for them being bitter, angry people who can't enjoy their lives, but it is a choice. I make the choice for my own life, so I know for a fact it is a choice. I don't know you, yet I can feel your pain within your words of anger. I am sorry she has decided to do this to the both of you. Good luck working through this troubled time and I hope you allow yourself to heal.