how do you forgive?

Question

i have to wait a long time before I'm able to completely forgive someone who did something really hurtful. can anyone tell me how they forgive others fast?

Answer 1

I'm not sure if I'll be a big help in this, but here's what I know...

My Husband told me that Hate works 24/7 and it can never leave a person's heart and soul, to Forgive, Forget and Move on is a lot harder to do than anything else. He told me, "If you'll stay hatefull and unforgiving you won't be the same person anymore, because as simple as hating someone or something takes everything out of you making you harshes and meaner to the world around you. When someone spends a long time hating, they might loose the grip with the reality and what's important to them... and in the end they might never be able to come back to the way they used to be: sweet, kind, and forgiving" ... I knew what he meant when he told me that, I just personally had a hard time to doing that since I had my own private reasons for the hate, revenge and being mean. I thought I had every good God-given reason to stay that way without even thinking of consequences. In my thinking, I thought, "Why on this God-green-Earth I should even consider to forgive a guy (of all people!) who raped me when I was little?! Why can't anyone see what I mean?" In truth, my Husband was the only and the first person to open-up my eyes to everything. He was able to understand and see everything the way it was needed to assist me in recovery through this whole mess. He helped me and guided me to the firmer ground knowing fully well that it'll take probably a long time for me to come back to "normal" or at least to the way I wish I was...

You know, one day was an eye-oppener for me... In the evening, before going to bed, when I was washing my face, I took a glimpse in the mirror... I thought I'll scream... I didn't expect to see the face that was looking back at me. I knew it was me, but I just couldn't recognise myself... no anymore, at least. I've spent so many months and years hating someone I didn't quite remember and for what they've done that every possible negative emotion that I could possibly have... I could see it as plain as daylight written on my face. I looked cold, harsh, mean and completely uncaring towards anything or anyone. It was something I didn't expect and I hope will never see. I never thought that all the negative emotions will change me so drastically and deteriorate the way I looked on the outside... He didn't see anything on my face even though I was afraid to ask. I thought I'd give him a heart attack not only with that question but also acting like a scared cat... That night, being in my Husband's arms it felt so safe (just like always), but for some reason it dawned on me that maybe I didn't deserve him in any way because of the what was going on and how everything turned out to be. Remembering and knowing in my heart that he loved me, that he'll always be here no matter what and he'll never judge, criticise, ignore or leave me in any way, shape, or form... It has made all the difference in the world to me. That same night I just thought to myself, "Whoever you are I forgive you with all of my heart and soul for what you have done, and I sencirely hope you'll never do something like this ever again to anyone else." I meant every word... I don't know why but I felt so light, as if a big weight and burden was lifted off of my shoulders. That night was one of the most peaceful and restfull nights I've had in a long time. My heart didn't feel like it had to work over-time just to calm me down and my whole being started to heal. It took me about 2 months to start and heal if not completely, but at least be on the way to recovery. I know, there wll still be moments when I'll remember the past as if it only happened yesterday. It'll be just that a memory of that day and nothing more. Forgiving him actually took out the sting from the event and was like a healling herb that my heart and soul needed so badly in addition to my Husband's kindness, patience, love, care, understanding, and compassion. I can finally forgive and move on, even though it might take some time to completely forget the events of that day. However, even if I will remember something and will feel scared and/or alone, knowing I have someone special in my life will always bring me gently back to reality making me realise that I am safe (finally) and nothing will happen to me ever again... I had the most wonderful reason to come back to life (so to speak)--my handsome Husband :) He's my main reason that makes my life worth living, after all.

I guess, what I'm trying to say with this is that... It's at times literally impossible to forgive, forget and move on, no matter how hard someone tries and what others will say (God knows, it took me 14.5 years to just get a grip on reality and get over the whole mess). Anything's possible when someone hurts someone else, and depending on the severity and depth of the pain and suffering (think of it as a burn--this time, not outside, but inside), it'll take longer to get a reality check, calm down, analyze, decide, heal, forgive, forget and then move on (things usually happen in that order, but at times the last four come to some differently). Nothing's impossible, even though at times at it is. I believe it depends on the victim and the atacker... However, if the victim says (and means just a little bit) that he/she forgives someone for the wrong doing, he/she can finally start to heal (sometimes even an appology from an attacker can start the healing process) ... even if not right away, but at least one day at a time.

Answer 2

Me personally I don't think you can put a time table on forgiveness it's just something you feel and the person that hurt you if they want to still be a part of your life they have to wait until you feel comfortable again unless they don't care then you no they weren't meant for you cut them loose

Answer 3

well I forgive in the manner I would want to be forgiven - we all make mistakes and we all have regretes and when we make these mistakes we want forgiveness as quickly as possible so therefore we should also be willing to forgive quickly. But also I keep in mind that if the mistake is made again by the same person that I am not so quick to forgive but that should be understandable.

Answer 4

I honestly believe that it is not easy for someone to forgive someone fast when they have been hurt emotionally. Due to it being something that affects your everyday process of your going day of life. I think it becomes more easier to forgive someone when that person shows remorse for what they have done. That helps you amend your heart to let go of the pain.

Answer 5

Forgiveness is the easy part...it's forgetting that's hardest.

Just because you forgive someone does not mean that you'll soon forget or start trusting them again, right?

Forgiveness is one of the best things you can do for someone that is sincerely apologetic.

Answer 6

Just remember. . . forgiving someone benefits YOU. It does not mean you accept the thing that they did. But it frees YOUR heart of pain and anger. You won't forget what that person did, but you let go of it on a deeper level so that your heart and mind can be at peace.

Answer 7

Everyone forgives at his or her own rate. As long as you know how to forgive and are able to forgive at all, you're just fine.

Answer 8

Considered yourself lucky 4the opportunity 2experienced it with yourown prove and still stay alive. Though memory usually serve us well.

Answer 9

There's no way to do it fast. It takes time.