My boyfriend, and I have been together for 13 months. He is 31 and I am 24 yrs old. We know that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, but I do want to get married... am I expecting it too early, or should it happen soon?
He just moved out of his parents home in September, so he is a bit of a slow mover... does this have an impact? Help Guys..
2006-06-26 08:55:55 · 28 answers · asked by Kristin M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Kristin, hello. First off I am a man and have been at the point of asking a women to marry me a few times. I am currently married and would like to shed some credible information to your question. When you bring up marriage how does he react? Does he squirm or does he give you a truthful answer? When I say truth guys, not a shocking point, can say things to get where we want with a girl / woman. Hopefully for you, your man is not like this. You need to evaluate his actions when the topic has come up as well as how he has delt with other challenging issues. When a decision makes him nervous how does he handle it? I can say that when I met my wife, first date lasted 8hrs, I knew she was someone special. Note, I did not say I knew I was going to marry her as you need time for the hormones and the physicality to calm down. You also need to talk about goals, plans life direction and shared plans. How well do this things meet up? I know something that was great for me was when my then fiance would take time to go through marriage questions. The questions would be forward looking and force careful thought and did not allow for a YES or NO answer. You can really only answer this yourself if he is the right one / is ready through discussion with him and examination of how he reacts, talks and handles himself during talks about commitment.
My opinion on the amount of time may not agree with a psychologies or PHD. I met my wife when I was 33 and she was 29 in 2002. We were married in 2004 after a year + of engagement. You can do the math and see that well it was not long for us. My wife and I had lived on our own for some time before meeting. We had a very good idea of who we were and what baggage we brought along. The drawback is that we gre firm in certain areas of life that have from time to time come to the surface in the area of conflict. Time is I think relative to the living / life experience of the people in the relationship. I have seen many young people who amaze me at their level of maturity and life understanding. I have seen some married couples that I just done see how they last.
How do you two deal with conflict? Do you both talk calmly settling on an issue and working through it until it is resolved or does all out Global Thermal Nuclear warfare breakout? Do you just keep the conflict in side? Does your partner love and respect you for who you are or do they want to change you to make you into the image of someone else?
Finally, I would suggest that you take some time to yourself and or work with a counselor or someone of your religious affiliation to discern the answers to the above questions and what your heart is telling you. Our hearts and inner voices need to be listened to and thoughts need to be journaled so that we do what is right for our path and our heart. He may be the right guy and may just need time. I feel that there is truth to the saying "If he can get the fruit for free why would he pay for it?" I don't know your guy but I am a guy and have talked to other guys. You need to examine what you want and what he is telling you and saying to you both verbally and non-verbally. I will keep you in my thoughts for making the decision that is right for your life.
2006-06-26 09:21:26 · answer #1 · answered by aquavita@sbcglobal.net 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
13 months is not a long time at all. It isn't the length of time its when you are ready to get married. Sounds to me like he is quite comfortable how things are right now. You might want to talk to him and express how you feel. Obviously you both agree that you want to spend the rest of your lives together, but let him know that you eventually want to be "married". All too often men get too comfortable in a relationship so it is up to you how long you want to wait before you get married. Noone can really tell you if its too soon or when to expect it. Its up to you and boyfriend. I don't think he is a slow mover, I think he is just content with your relationship.
If you see that this goes on for a long period of time and he has not asked you to marry him, then it would be time to make a decision. You can keep going like that for years because you love hm, or pose an ultimatum and put the ball in his court. If you two are really meant for one another then he will give in to the ultimatum. Most men will cave in if they really love their woman and think that they might lose them.
2006-06-26 09:15:25 · answer #2 · answered by allyp51 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend asked me to marry him a few months before our second anniversary of dating. We were talking about the idea for quite some time beforehand, though. I would say its a little early to be expecting it.
Especially if he is a slow mover, give him a little more time, like say nine months before expecting a proposal or marriage talk.
2006-06-26 09:00:55 · answer #3 · answered by Penelope 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It take a long time for a guy to ask a girl to marry him. 13 months isn't all that long. If you know your gonna be together than just let it ride out. I love my bf to death and I know we will be together forever, but I have all the time in the world to wait to get married. Marriage is a big thing and with divorce rates being so high, its a good idea to take it slow!! Good Luck!!
2006-06-26 09:00:27 · answer #4 · answered by little_angel_in_eugene 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe it does have an impact. What were his motives for staying at home for so many years. Was it to save money or because he wasnt ready to leave the nest and live on his own. U have to anayze the situation and decide that for yourself. And about him proposing, from what i see, if youve been together for 4 yrs and he still hasnt popped the question, move on, it aint gonna happen
2006-06-26 08:59:31 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Macbeth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oooh. 13 months is quick but I went to a wedding last year for a couple who've only dated about 6 months.
Thing of it is, you can't put any expectation or time frame on a proposal. It just depends on him and if he's ready and if he feels you're the right one.
If you're ready you shouldn't be ashamed to express those feelings. But be prepared that he might not be at the same place right now.
2006-06-26 09:01:41 · answer #6 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Focus more on your relationship rather than rush and get married. Although some women love the security I think they should slow down a bit. I was with my second husband 5 yrs before we decided to marry .
2006-06-26 09:01:17 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Sunflower 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the last answer- 2 years is about right. And since he just moved out he's going to need some time to adjust and enjoy living by himself. I would give him more time.... guys can only focus on one thing at a time LOL.
2006-06-26 09:00:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he just moved out I think that it is going to take some time for reality to set in. If you push to hard then he might feel that he was forced. You should talk about this openly and come to a decision on the right time together.
2006-06-26 08:59:08 · answer #9 · answered by Todd S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
31 and still living with his folks, why? If he was still going to school, okay. But was it that his job wasn't all that good? Did he save up bunch of cash to be buying a house? Or are you going to have to move in with him and his folks, or support the two of you? You have a lot of things on your plate to consider before you think of marrying this guy
2006-06-26 09:05:57 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋