An old friend of my husbands came here to visit, we got really drunk and I slept with him. I am not the type to cheat and I love my husband very much. I wanted to do it again he had such a nice body and then he told me no. (thank God) I can't believe that I was that stupid and I actually wanted MORE. I feel so guilty, ashamed, cheap. I seriously think something is wrong with my head now, to let something like this happen and then want more. . that is just crazy! Please give me some good advice and try to be nice. Thanks!
2006-06-26 08:53:56 · 43 answers · asked by babybluebale 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I meant I actually KNOW I need to see a shrink because I am majorly depressed about this!
2006-06-26 08:56:02 · update #1
Aww that really sucks. I think you should defiantly tell your husband. Hopefully he will forgive you, but he does deserve your honesty. Maybe you guys can go to marriage counseling and you can find out why you cheated together. I hope it works out for you. Good luck.
2006-06-26 08:56:34 · answer #1 · answered by Kamunyak 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Booze, you were drunk. When you drink it reduces your inhibitions, you do things that you normally wouldn't do. You are not crazy, you have a drinking problem. Stop drinking and you should not have a repeat.
The problem now is what does your husband think. You can bet the secret will get out, and you had better tell your husband before he hears it from someone else. You can't deny it happened. Honesty helps make a marriage work, and it may be better to own up to your mistake.
However, you need to cut down on your drinking and you need to stick to it. If getting drunk made you perform an act that has you feeling so guilty, ashamed and cheap, even crazy, then that is proof you cannot handle getting drunk.
I would try AAA before seeing a shrink, it's cheaper and you will get the same advice from the shrink.
2006-06-26 09:01:09 · answer #2 · answered by Dan S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I think the previous reply was good: If you don't think he'll find out, don't tell him. If you know you were wrong and will never do it again, then it serves no purpose to tell him. It will only hurt him and it will do nothing for you guilt.
Secondly, every time you feel guilty for what you did (or ashamed, cheap, etc.), then do something nice for your husband or doing something that will improve yourself. For example, make your husband a special meal, give him a back rub, send him a note. Or go for a walk, read a book about having being a good wife, exercise. If you keep doing something productive every time you have these negative feelings, pretty soon the negative feelings will be replaced with a better marriage and a better you.
Good luck to you.
2006-06-26 09:09:18 · answer #3 · answered by Mistress T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT tell your husband. If you are really sorry for this, and it sounds like you are, then seeing a shrink, or a Christian counselor, would be the best thing for you to do. You have to recognize what you did was wrong, forgive yourself, and then move on. Do NOT tell your husband. What good would it do? He doesn't need to know, even if it might seem like the right thing to do.
What your body wants is the sex and that's only because it's with someone new. But, what your soul wants, and this is why you're depressed, is to have a healthy and happy marriage. You know what you did is counter to that ideal. But, so are a lot of things we do in marriage.
While you can't dismiss or justify what you did I don't think you need to undo years of marriage with your husband for one mistake. But, also examine how you got to that point and do NOT put yourself in that position again.
Grace will take care of you, but only if you have a penitent heart.
2006-06-26 09:05:32 · answer #4 · answered by eliasulmonte 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you planning on teling your hubby? Hmmm prolly not huh? Chances are if this ISNT the U, u say then it will eat at you no matter how many shrinks u see, but if you can deceive and move on then POWER to ya sister, BUt i'll bet if you choose that option you will do it again, OH and please Dont use drinking as a crutch drunk or not I know where my own bed and husband are and no I am not being mean hon, honest Im not just being obvious because think about it would YOU take such a lame excuse, I think NOT. Good Luck hon no matter what and maybe you should ummm not drink, u think?
2006-06-26 08:59:02 · answer #5 · answered by Angel B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, being drunk is not an excuse. You do not do anything when drunk that you would not do sober. Its now time for you to figure out what you were really up to . Quit lying to yourself. So now you are finding out why cheating is an issue. You feel cheap and ashamed because you are. You had better never talk about this with your husband or he'll likely throw you out of his house. Keep your mouth shut and make it up to your husband. If you want to get over this you must start with the understanding that you do not deserve to be with your husband. You can only begin to make this up to him through kissing his butt, and for a long time. You need to live with your guilt and work it off. Under no circumstance do you consider telling him. This is your guilt to deal with. Do not share it with him.
2006-06-26 09:22:36 · answer #6 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a huge mistake. Ignore all the people who are apparently "perfect" and say "I'd NEVER do that". Easy to say til it happens. You SHOULD feel bad, but it's over. Seek counseling immediately. Do NOT tell your husband. Unlike popular belief about honesty and integrity, the only thing confessing does is destroy your marriage and relieve you of some guilt. This in no way will help your marriage. What WILL help is getting some professional help and learning what drove you to do something so ridiculous. No one is perfect. You had some reason for doing this....selfishness being one of the reasons......but even so, you have to learn why you're feeling so selfish so you can correct the problem. the key to fixing your mistakes is not repeating them and learning from them. If you love your husband, are truly sorry, and are going to seek help, do NOT TELL. Yes you feel guilty, and that is your burden to bear. Not his.
2006-06-26 09:03:53 · answer #7 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well actually i would try to keep it quiet unless you want to hurt your husband and perhaps break up your marriage... i do not think it is right what you did at all...but i do not think you should add more flames to the fire.. i also do not think you should ever have that guy over to your house anymore.. where was your husband at anyway...it really was a real bad thing you did.. but just make sure it does not happen anymore.. try and come to peace with yourself.. would your husband suspect something if you wanted to see a shrink right now... just hope he does not find out... i think you made a mistake and i would normally say come out and be honest but i know from experience that is not the best way...just make sure you never do anything like that again.. try to be extra good to your husband and try and seek the romance you had with hime before... and if you really love him this should not be hard to do....but the best wishes for you... and hope you can bear with your consious....
2006-06-26 09:22:02 · answer #8 · answered by sanangel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love your husband and your family and you are never going to cheat again then dont cheat them more by telling your husband and causing more pain- and possibly breaking up your family and a friendship of your husbands. We are all human and make mistakes but repetitive action are not mistakes- they are what you subconciously want. In my opinion if you arent going to do it again than why be more selfish and hurt your husband more by telling him.I do think you need to see a counselor and find out what is wrong inside with you or in your marriage for you to feel like you have to go somewhere else. If you feel you cant live with yourself by keeping this a secret but you feel that you at the same time are scared of the results of telling him- then you should go to a counselor first and/or your minister for guidance and help with your feelings.
2006-06-26 09:19:54 · answer #9 · answered by jucee2283 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been married? Did you get to have fun and do all the things that you wanted to do before you got married? You probably didn't, I don't think something is wrong with your head, we are all human and some of us give in too easy to temptation, specially when we are drunk. What you need to do is figure out what you really want, do you still want to be with your husband or do you want to see other people. My older sister was in the same situation, she decided to divorce and see other people, that was a big mistake for her she really regrets it now. So just give it a lot of thinking before you decide what to do. Nothing is wrong with you, you just need to talk to some one about it.
2006-06-26 09:02:26 · answer #10 · answered by no picture 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all have weaknessess, you just did not know you had this one until the oportunity presented itself.
With all weaknessess, we need to learn to control them, even when the opportunity presents itself.
See a shrink if you really feel the need, but honestly, you already know the problem, and thats all a shrink really does, is let you figure out your true problem and then correct it.
I would say less alcohol and no alone time with men you find attractive would be a real good start.
2006-06-26 09:01:15 · answer #11 · answered by cindy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋