What can a husband do to help his wife with depression after having a baby?

Question

She takes good care of the baby, but as soon as I get home she gives me the baby and locks herself in the bedroom and cries. She has to take a medicine, but she hates taking it because she says it makes her sleepy. She has told me she want to run away and she hated the baby, but not our son. She is just not the same. Her next therapist appointment is not until Friday. Can I do anything more than I already am? I don't care what I have to do in order to make it easier for her to help out until she feels better, but I do have to work all day. I come home when can.

I have seen her latest writings up here, and how mean everyone has been to my wife. I wish you knew her. She just wants some help, and I can't just quit my job to be here all the time, and hiring someone is not an option because there are no reliable nannies in this rinky dink town.

She is convinced that the baby is making her crazy. I don't know where she gets this from. She is fussy, but then again, I'm not there all the time either.

Thnaks for the tips. My job is NOT flexible, I won't even get into that...but anyway, everyone has been most understanding and helpful to me, but when i perused my wifes Q&A, everyone was out to maim and tear her apart. She is really in pain. Don't worry, first part of my help to her it to boot her off Yahoo answers permanently, some people here really hurt her feelings and made her feel worse.

Answer 1

well don't ask for help from tom cruise that's for sure.

www.postpartumdads.org

Answer 2

First find someone to help her with the baby. She might need short breaks during the day. Second, make sure you are paying attention to her. Alot of women get depressed after the baby is born because it seems like nobody cares about you now that the baby is out. (Its ALL about the baby!) Also, you are already tired out from the pregnancy and your hormones are going nuts. One good idea is to have somebody she trusts (hard part) take care of the baby so that you can spend time alone together. Maybe a movie or something. She needs to really feel that she is more to you than just "the baby's Momma". finding someone she trusts can be tricky.. its hard to have someone else take care of your baby, cause then you worry that someone is saying you cant do it or that the baby may start to love the other person more. It sounds crazy, but it is all part of the depression. Also, have her look up "post-partum depression" on the web. Maybe she will not feel so bad when she sees that most women do suffer from it at some point. Good luck!

Answer 3

Have a female relative (yours or hers) or friend that she gets along with well come over during the day to keep her company and be a distraction from her thoughts. I've found that if you distract yourself from depresive thinking, you'll soon be able to deal better with life. In this situation though, I would definitely suggest some company for her! Especially since she may see the baby as the cause for her depression.
Also encourage her to get out and walk. Walk with her sometimes, too. Get someone to watch the baby for an hour so the two of you can be a couple again, not just a Mommy & Daddy. After having a baby, this relationship can get lost very easily if you don't work at keeping it thriving.
God Bless! You CAN get through this & I think your wife is blessed to have such a thoughtful husband!! Stay that way!!

Some ideas for good baby sitters/day time help can be found at your local YMCA. They do babysitting classes for teens, so you will be more comfortable that you're getting a good sitter.

Answer 4

Been there and we adopted. It can still hit us. Not a lot you can do. Give her space away from the child whenever you can. If you can find a sitter durning the week a day or two may help some. She needs to get out of four walls. She is feeling over whelmed and feeling the baby is the cause. She doesn't feel she can deal with it all. For some It can be great. With my daughter I had friends come around often to give me a break. With my son in a new town I was over whelm. Two kids, didn't know anyone in town, and didn't know my way around really well. And husband working a job different also. Split days off.

Answer 5

I was sorta in the same boat. I had 2 kids and some days where better than others. My poor hubby was afraid to come home, it would never know what kind of mood I was in. I starting going out at least one night a week w/o any kids. That seemed to help.

If you have her going to a therapist that is a good start. She needs someone w/ connection to the situation to talk to.
And from what you said, you are doing what you can, so just keep it up. Depression is hard to deal w/....make sure that you are also getting some help. Find a support group to go to.

Good Luck, wishing all gets well soon.

Answer 6

Just be support of her and watch the baby when you gets home. Let her have alone time and encourage her to do something like walk to the park or make time to go out with a friend or her mom while you watch the baby.
Maybe plan some alone time for her on the weekend- weather it's for her to go out or just to read a book for an hour by herself.
Also try to relieve the stress off of her by helping around the house- dishes, cleaning, laundry. ect.....
If you can afford it- maybe a nanny or have a maid come to help her if she's feeling over whelmed. This might also help her take her medication- if someone is there to help with the baby.
Parts of it our hormones but the other part is stress, unfortunately the only part you can help with is the stress until her hormones calm down.
Good luck!

Answer 7

You said you would do anything. Try finding a job that has more flexible hours. Also take your wife out on dates without the baby on a regular basis. There should be family time and couple time scheduled. You need to be the one planing these things since your wife is unable to. Suprise her. Try to make things easier for her while your at work. For example when you get home clean the house and prepare the babies things so when your gone she doesn't have to juggle multiple things. I hope the two of you don't plan on having another child until she gets things figure out. She may not have really wanted to be a mother at this time or at all.

Answer 8

Just be there for her. Help as much as possible like you already are. I have heard lots of horror stories about things like this, you do not want to be the next one. Maybe look into getting a sitter for the baby, and just give her time to work through this, maybe have some other strong women around to help her. I have a one year old, and it gets really hard sometimes, because i am doing it alone, because my husband forced us to leave our home. I am doing fine now, but I struggle alot with depression, I can only imagine how different it would be with a supportive husband. You are wonderful, keep your head up, and support her through all. Every situation has an after.

Answer 9

Sounds like she is getting the medical help she needs and hopefully with time the depression will lift.
Your continuing support will make all the difference in the long run, I know it feels like a never ending road for you but it is important to keep your strength up while she finds her own. It can take time for some mums to adjust to her new routine, and be sure she is getting lots of rest. It could help if you offer her a nap when you get home, which will be gruelling on you as you have worked but again, for her it could make all the difference. Pamper her with especially run baths, you doing it for her so it feels like pampering. Her feeling special now is important to help rebuild her confidence, and help lift the depression.
I have never had depression but lived with somebody who has. Post natal depression is different but there is a relevance between all and that is the acknowledged support, pampering and making the depressed feel good about themselves.

I send my thoughts and love to you both and wish you both all the luck-it'll all work out...but be sure to not forget yourself either or you'll slip down there too. Rest bite for you now and again, or together. Get a babysitter and go out-TOGETHER!

Answer 10

I have been in your wife's shoes! Only my husband wouldn't take the baby when he got home, so keep doing that! Next you need to get her help pretty fast, before Friday. This will pass but you have to protect her and the baby until then. Doctors are more aware of PPD now more than ever. Can you take the baby to a sitter or a family member while you're at work? Take some time off work, as much as you can, until you get her the help she needs. Try not to get frustrated okay. And don't let anyone blow this off as the "blues".

Answer 11

Just help her out as much as possible. Give her attention and try to get her out of the house at least 2 to 3 times a week, Just you two for a while. Also the medicine she is taking could make her even more miserable. Try to get a family member to come help her with the baby while you are at work. This is very serious but treatable. Just hang in there and best of luck to you!!