i have been in a relationship with a man for a long time and i do love him but i met a man about two years ago and have since fell in love with him also. the one i'm in the relationship with never seem to have time for me and he is never home as opposed to the other, we always spent time together(he's away now) but i talk to him all the time. i am torn between two men that i love dearly and i don't want to hurt either of them, what should i do?
2006-06-26 08:13:29 · 6 answers · asked by Chanda P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You are not alone in asking this question. For example, you are one of six people who at this moment have similar open questions on Yahoo! Answers. If you would like to see more answers for the same question, search "in love with two" in the question search field. I hope you find answers for what you are looking for.
Most people answering the question believe in one or more of the following principles:
1) You don't have enough time to fully love and care for more than one person. No person could possibly have the time management and sensitivity skills to care for the needs of two people.
2) You can only truly love one person. If you think you love two people, than you are misguided, unintelligent about love, and don't know the true meaning of love.
3) If you love more than one person, someone is going to get hurt. To be less than the sole and total focus of one other person is less than ideal love. You will be better off totally focusing your romantic love on one other person. Anything alternative is "less than the best."
4) If you love two people, you are in love with one and in lust with the other. You can care for more than one person, but you can't love more than one.
5) If you love two people, you'll be happier to choose the one person that is best for you. Choosing one is always better for you than loving two.
6) Loving a second person, because they have positive attributes the first person does not have, is not healthy. Don't look for two people to provide for you. Try to find the answers all in one.
I think all the above principles are not necessarily true. They are at least debatable. The people answering this question and applying highly exclusive rules are often well-meaning and good intentioned. They give their "all or nothing" advice with their best intent and love. But you have to decide from your vast personal experience whether loving two people is better for you than loving one. All the above principles are widely held presumptions. And few people question whether or not they are true - possibly because learning to have a successful relationship with one person is so hard. Therefore, it would seem juggling two would be more difficult. But you won't know unless you experience it first hand, and unless you apply your best ideas to the specific people involved.
One of the people asking this question on Yahoo! Answers had two people who both knew they were one of two people in love with her. In that situation, the two people said, "Choose one of us only. You have only one month." My response to that person was: Consider informing them that you are not going to choose. Consider being open to loving either or both of them for as long as either wants their love. I suggested this because often the person who chooses to stop loving first is the person who loses.
Regardless, cherish the love that each of them have given you. If you choose one, don't lie and in saying goodbye tell one of them thatthey were "less than" the other person if that is not true. People are often not "better than" or "less than"; instead, they are different.
If you believe you truly love both, then explore your instincts. Don't assume that you are misguided or that it is only "caring" or "lust". You may truly love both. But even if that is the case, it is only the beginning of many new, equally challenging questions ahead of you with those specific people. Being in love with two people is not necessarily selfish, even if it promotes your self-interests. It is conceivable that it may be in all three of your best interests to stay involved with each other in varying capacities. Don't presume that commiting yourself to multiple pursuits somehow makes you less of a commited person.
You are fortunate to have some opportunity to "choose". At some point, the choice made be made for you. Regardless, be honest with them and with yourself. Lying will not protect their feelings or your feelings in the long run.
I honestly don't have the answer to your specific circumstances. And I don't know enough about the people involved to advise you. But I encourage you to at least question the widely held presumptions. Even if you choose to exclude one, the choice and its consequences may stay with you forever.
2006-07-03 11:08:53 · answer #1 · answered by snoopy_jump 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you must make a decision as to who your going to truly be with and just who makes you happy.
Never use two men to make a complete one.
If your miserably in love with someone who isn't never home or never seem to have time for you and such is opening the door for someone who spends more time with you and seems to be
there on a regular then you pretty much know what makes you
feel happy and you need to go for it.
You say one is away now so is this always spending time a stable situation or a platform for further problems where neither
is doing what makes you truly happy.
2006-06-26 08:47:10 · answer #2 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One this is sure: you will hurt one of them. From your description you seem to have already decided. Sometimes it is not all about love, about who loves who or which one you love best. You have to ponder on the relationship's possibilities. A relationship is like a house: first you begin with love, constructing your house, but that's not enough, you both need to take care of your house, taht is, you need time, caring, and specially the disposition to give a part of yourself to the other person, and that is made possible in short and long talks, in walking, in going out, in a word, that is made possible in being there, in dating during the relationship, in loving and showing that that love is present.
2006-06-26 08:23:02 · answer #3 · answered by lain2121 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that you need to sit down and really think about what it is that you are looking for in a relationship and what each of them have to offer.who are you happiest when you around ?who do you think about most?and most of all who treats you better?you need to think about who you see yourself with in the future.there is really only one choice and i think that you proubly know already the longer you let this go on the more painful it will be for the other person.Good Luck
2006-06-26 08:24:20 · answer #4 · answered by J W 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pl. give up the one that is not spending much time with you and keep the other who has time for you.
2006-06-26 08:21:11 · answer #5 · answered by charmaine m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
SEARCH YOUR INNER SELF U MUST HAVE LOVE ONE MORE THAN ANOTHER
2006-06-26 08:19:24 · answer #6 · answered by NINA C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋