This is a marriage and divorce question?

Question

I have been married to a soldier for almost 2 years now and things have been going downhill from there. I lost the trust and respect that I had for him and everything that he does bother me. I am not physically attracted to him-the sex is terrible-he isnt romantic-just everything about him urks me. My question is that can things ever get better for us? I want the marriage to work but I feel it slipping. Should I cut my losses short now or give it time? I dont want to waste his or my time. What do I do???

yes well my husband is in Iraq right now and a part of me is not understadning to him having to leave me here in a different state all alone and maybe I am being selfish. I even found out that he had other accounts online and he was acting like he was a single soldier trying to pick up other woman. Counseling we both have agreed to doing but I dont know if it will work. We both have been to jail since we have been here for domestic violence and all I know is something needs to be done now or I think that the best thing to do is leave. What do you guys think? He is 25 and I am 23- do we have time to fix things?

And to comment to you wild1handy- sometimes you dont know things about your partner until well after it is too late! You can spend alot of years trying to know someones true colors. Yes I said till death do us part and people do make mistakes right? Well some of the things that he has done is not just a mistake- its something I wont deal with. Example.... talking to 14 and 15 year old females online- thats a pedifile in my eyes. So are you saying I should stay with a person and work through this??? I dont believe I should!!! And to answer some of the rest of the questions- my husband knows everything that I feel about the situation. I am vocal and upfront with how I feel- its him who lies and hides stuff behind my back until I find out on my own by having to investigate.

We have no children!!!

Answer 1

As we all know when you marry someone in the military it is going to take ALOT of work (if you look at the HIGH divorce rate). You have to be willing to go through the changes together, no marriage is perfect. Just as much as he does things the "urk" you, you're doing the same thing as well (example-not talking to him when yall having problems, or not turning to him for solutions to save yall marriage). Just because your marriage is missing somethings shouldn't give u a reason to leave. If that was the case then you would have NEVER married him so there is something about him that's making you stay. the both of you have to be willing to save the marriage because one person cant do it alone. YES things can get better. When you're in a marriage there is NO such things as WASTING each other time....But I will say this MAYBE marriage is NOT for EVERYONE....so if this doesn't work out maybe is you not him.......I'm just being real!

Answer 2

If you can`t talk to him its probley over.Sex is very imporant to a relationship,
maybe you could try sending him an email.If you do,tell him every thing thats
bothering you.If you have kids always keep there feelings in mind.I`ve been
married for 15 years have two kids.One is 14 the other is 11 when they are
grown I`m gone.I just hope I havent wasted to much time.

Answer 3

have you considered counseling? If he is in the miltary, has he been overseas in the war at any time? They did research and studies showed most families that went through this and someone was sent to Iraw, problems mounted when they got home...seeing what they did changed them. Counseling may be what you need regardless. Some people are shamed to go to counseling but if you love someone, you try every resource at your disposal, mainly if you want it to work. If you jump into a divorce without trying..you may regret it later. Better to try it now then end up telling yourself those woulda shoulda couldas later. on.

Answer 4

Have you tried counseling? Have you tried speaking with him? Can the two of you sit down and let eachother know what's going on with your feelings? Or is it that you found someone else interesting and are comparing that other person to your husband. There was a reason you married him, look for it and try to work it out.

Answer 5

Honestly I have been there!! If you want it to work, it will. You should talk to him about everything. Maybe he is doing this for a reason, maybe he even feels the same about you. If that is the case then you should go separate ways. The only way to know for sure is to ask him how he feels, get into his head a little and find out if he feels the same.

Answer 6

Obviously, you were not paying attention, when the preacher had you say those words 'for better or for worse', this is a marriage, sweetheart, not a business deal. It is supposed to be 'till death do us part', or did we forget that part, also.
Find a good marriage counselor, and work on improving your marriage, chances are, there are things about you that he doesn't like either.

Answer 7

Try different ways to save your marriage. But if its no longer working, tell him the true and star a new life. Be patient, don't date other guys. Try to think , review the positive and negative things, enjoy the life.

Answer 8

Cut your losses and run. It is never going to get any better. I thought that too, and stayed for 25 wasted years, only to have her leave with a young guy later on......it's not worth it! Leave!!

Answer 9

You need to seek counseling together to see if anythin here can be saved and if not, you should bith part ways in order for you both to stay emotionally healthy. Good luck

Answer 10

Its cool that you dont want to waste either of your time. It shows you are not selfish. I would give marriage counseling a shot and THEN decide what to do.