Ok look, the only man I ever slept with was my husband, not for religious reasons but just because I was saving it for the man I fell in love with. But he had one partner before me and even thou they only had sex once I still can't shake the feeling and the thought of him and her having sex!! Its not like she lives any where around us or that we ever see her but I just can't drop it. I (for some strange reason) can't stop asking him about it , you know, Where did it happen? Was it any good? It's really starting to tick him off. We have been married for almost 7 years and we have 3 great kids. I'm very happily married but I just feel a little cheated that I saved my self for him and he has had sex before. Has anyone every gone thru this?? Can anyone tell me how to just stop tinking about it??
2006-06-26 07:17:23 · 12 answers · asked by Zippio_loves_Baby_boo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know the reason this is upsetting you is because he was your first and you weren't his. You need to remember that was before he met you. You can't change that. What you need to keep in mind girl is that he married you and has a family with you. Your the one he loves not her. There are things in his past that have happenend and remember this was all before he met you. I think it's great that you waited until you got married to have sex. Don't be like this with him just because he didn't. He's your husband and he's happy with you. The more you think about it and question him if it was good and if she was better etc. you'll drive yourself crazy and pretty soon you'll push him away as well. Try not to focus on his past, focus on what you two have together and be happy with your husband.
2006-06-26 07:25:51 · answer #1 · answered by babieshay27 3 · 8⤊ 1⤋
You need to let the past go. You didn't know this woman and she is no longer in the picture. Everybody has ex-boyfriends and relationships. It's great that you saved yourself - but don't hold it over your husband's head and make him feel bad because he didn't. You are focusing too hard on creating problems in your happy relationship. Do you crave drama? Why do you feel a need to keep thinking about this? Whenever you start to have those thoughts, think about your husband's best qualities - about why you married him and how good he makes you feel. You have to keep snapping yourself out of the other mindset - or your happy marriage will come tumbling down.
2006-06-26 07:36:50 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For your emotional and mental health, you have to let this go. You cannot control someone else's choices before or even after they become part of your life. You should seek counseling if this is truly bothersome, but do not make this your husband's issue. It is yours, not his. He did not betray you. He did this before he even knew you existed. If this happened inside the relationship, I could see how you could feel this way, but with what you have said above, it sounds as though you are expecting everyone to have the same standards as you, and that simply is not the case with everyone. I hope you can move past this and have it not cost you trust or precios time with your husband. If you love him, let the issue go. Good luck and take care
2006-06-26 07:27:23 · answer #3 · answered by C H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness! I can't tell you how to stop thinking about it, but for the sake of your marriage, you better! You obviously knew he had been with someone else before you got married, and you still went thru with it. It was your decision to wait til you got married to have sex, and you should not be looking to punish him now cuz he didn't - maybe you're not intentionally trying to punish him, but that's exactly what your actions are doing. Get over it - it was a long time ago and means nothing to him now.
2006-06-26 07:24:12 · answer #4 · answered by thersa33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I kind of know how you feel. I slept with 4 girls before I met my ex and she had been wtih 10 other guys and most of them had been within a year of meeting me. we were together for almost two years. But I thought about it a lot because I didn't want to be part of that same pattern. I wouldn't ruin anything great that you have because you might think you missed out or anything like that. If he wasn't happy with you, you would know it. that's all that matters is that he wants to be with you and no one else.
2006-06-26 07:40:51 · answer #5 · answered by jerry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drop it! you cannot control the past and he forgot about it, but you keep bringing it up for him to rememeber it?
You cannot change the past and you cannot torture your poor husband for doing what a normal male his age would do. You cannot judge everybody upon your values, and this irrational obsesive jealuosy will only hurt both of you, as he cannot do anything tyo change it, nor can you. Yes, princess, the world doesn't revolve around you, and the world did spinned before you graced him your presense.
Grow up and get over it!
2006-06-26 07:26:47 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dealt with this for a while as well. Your options are few, you can divorce him and look for a virgin, or you can let it go and forget it. Thats not bad that he only had sex with one other person. Most guys are sluts before marriage! You should thank god it was only 1.
2006-06-26 07:27:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if this happened before you guys got together than it is not important. what is important is that you and your husband shared a special moment and a love that is solid. the rest is just distractions that you have to learn to block out.
2006-06-26 07:23:40 · answer #8 · answered by frsttmshy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek professional help. Unless he is giving you reason to believe he is thinking about the past LET IT GO!
2006-06-26 07:23:32 · answer #9 · answered by qti36 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you must of knew this before you married him Hun
is it because you are worried he may stray? mind how you act because he may just go and do something behind your back you must drop these feelings he loves you you love him please just drop it
i can not understand how you can have these feelings if this all happened before you
take care
shaz
2006-06-26 07:25:02 · answer #10 · answered by sharon B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋