Should I marry him?

Question

My guy of eight years just asked me to marry him. I always thought I'd marry him. I had a little girl who was 14 mos old when we met and started dating. They get along pretty good. She started calling him dad the day we got engaged. I was giddy for the first few days. I could'nt wait to tell everyone, now I am not so sure. My dad said we don't have his blessing to be married and my dad is my absolute best friend. He refuses to give us his blessing due to the fact that my beau hasn't really settled down quite yet. He likes to party with friends and sometimes he is my knight in shining armour. I have only been engaged for two weeks and I have already lost my spark. Is it right to feel this way. I let my fiance know how my dad felt and for the past week he's been awesome. Should I give him a timeline to change or just end it now. Serious answers only.

Answer 1

If you have to ask, the answer is no. Marriage is a big commitment and you shouldn't jump into it unless you have absolutely NO doubts.

Answer 2

I suggest you get to the bottom of your fiance's actions. Well more if you don't mind him going out with friends and having a good time, then no worries. Your father just doesn't want his little girl getting hurt and I'm sure you've heard that before. If your fiance's actions are unacceptable to you tell him he has a deadline. Of course it is kind of mean but its part of growing up. Yeah you can still go out and stuff but not as often because...well...you'll be married not to mention you have a child to take care of. That is a huge responsibility!! And he needs to think about that before he is really ready to settle down. Maybe he has thought this through already I don't know. Hopefully telling him he has a deadline should not bother him. You have been together for 8 years! It's like your married already. Oh and its only been two weeks so give the engagement some time to sink in. Have you figured out how long your engagement is going to be? Better think about that. ^-^

Answer 3

Were you living with the guy? I would say if you survived 8 years of cohabitation and are still happy, you should marry him. If on the other hand, you have not been living together, it's tough to say.

I have two bits of advice. I think your guy should sit down and talk to your Dad. Your father has something that is bothering him. It's important to understand what is going on there. This will show your Dad respect. Also, in the end, your guy and your Dad may become closer if they have a nice talk.

The other suggestion, assuming your Dad supports the marriage, is to get some marriage counseling. Spend some time talking to someone about your anxiety. You may discover some important things about you and your potential spouse. This self-discover could help get your started on the right foot.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You should go to marriage counseling. It will teach you a lot about what to expect. You have to understand that being married to someone is not always going to be perfect. You cannot go by your "feelings." Our feelings change every day. You have to decide whether you want to commit yourself to each other for the rest of your lives no matter how you feel. I would definitely have a serious talk with your fiance about his life and make sure that he is going to make a commitment to you. You will not be happy with a guy who is partying all the time and getting wasted. It takes time to change, so do not expect it immediately. I would definitely not let your dad influence you in your decision too much, but he might be able to give you good advice. 8 years is a long time to throw away just because someone wants to get committed. Then again, being together for 8 years and not already getting married is not healthy. If you were waiting (in all areas) you would know he really loved you and you would know that you really loved him. Your daughter seems to like him to, remember that!

Answer 5

First of all. CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement! Your situation isn't easy. I wouldn't necessarily give up on your honey just yet. The fact he is already changing so he can marry you is a wonderful step forward. Your father has valuable reason to do what he did. YOU! You've been together for 8 years, what's few months to have him prove to you and your father that he is worthy you. This may nit be an answer you are looking for, but what if your father's suspicions are valid? On the other hand, be truthful to yourself. Is his partying and lack of a "Good" job something you are completely ok with? Your dad is only trying to make you look at your fiance from an outsider's view. That's great you have a good, open communication, but your fiance may have to need a more concrete guidance. What type of job would make your dad happier about giving you the blessing? If you honey is an outgoing type, what type of get togethers/social events would be ok for him to attend, according to you and your father? Be reasonable and willing to compromise if need be. But for whatever it's worth, don't do anything that would ruin your relationship with your father. Especially that it is a very special one. Good luck!

Answer 6

You should never have to ask permission to marry the man of your dreams, oops I'm guessing he still is. 8 years is a long time to be together without being married. But yo know his situation already. If he haven't shown to be husband material yet then what make you think he will once you're married. It is just permission to keep doing what he's doing because you know and accept it. What made you lose your spark? Was it your father or your own thinking? If its something from your being then do not get married. Anything worth fighting for is worth keeping. You already invested 8 long years, can you invest life with this person. If yes work out your kinks.It is YOUR happiness at stake here. Not your daughter and not your father. They will be happy as long as you are happy.

Answer 7

girl been there done that!! honey as someone who isstill with someone after seven yrs, an he still parties it up with his friends an still isnt settled, an yes i had a baby girl when we met, the only honest answer is what do u truly feel in your heart. How much does his childness bother u? Sure he has been great this week cause he knows what your dad said but how long do u think that will last? sometimes the best way to make someone realize what they have is to take it away from them. Its amazing the clarity a man gets when his woman leaves. I hope it all works out for u!!!

Answer 8

8 years to propose? That's messed up right there. You say he's "been good" since you told him, another strike there. This guy sounds "flighty" to put it nicely. Why did he wait so long? A knight in shining armor treats a girl with respect, he doesn't wait 8 years to figure out that he "might" want to get married. I think your dad is right. It sounds as though you aren't telling us why your dad knows he is a loser. Things you have forgiven him for because you feel like you have to be with someone or because you need a father for you child. Something is missing. But without knowing the whole story, I say he is not husband material. Sorry, good luck.

Answer 9

My daughter married someone that I objected to. I thought he was fine as a friend to her but a poor choice for husband. I voice my objections and then accepted her choice and supported the relationship. They married and then divorced after 6 months. She has since remarried and I think this one should work out.

I can't tell you if your fiance is the right one for you and neither can anyone else, really. Do some heavy-duty soul searching and decide for yourself. Extend the engagement & see if the basis for your father's objections take care of themselves or if the just get worse. Don't be in a rush. If he is THE ONE then he will still be the one after a wait.

Answer 10

Oh no, I certainly wouldn't end it just because your Dad doesn't give you his blessing. The man you are with sounds like a pretty decent guy, after all who doesn't like to party once in a while?

Remember that guys mature a lot slower than girls and especially so considering that you have a child.

Give him some more time and keep your channels of communication open. Always make time to talk to each other about your hopes, worries and thoughts.

All the luck in the world!

Answer 11

if you asked the question you have some doubts yourself. Ask your father why he has come to the conclusion he has then you think about the answers he gave you. When you told your man what your dad said he straightened up for a while has he gone back to doing what he was doing before. Have you had pre marriage counseling. your intuition is telling you something stop for awhile find a quiet place and ask yourself if this is what you really want don't force the answers let the mind wander and see what pops into your head. I had a situation close to yours and i did not listen to my inner voice needless to say my marriage did not last for long. take care and good luck