But, I am interested in having healthier friendships. At the same time I don't want to be a dweeb complaining about some slight. I've had problems in the past not saying what I felt, but when I've sought to correct it I've lost relationships all together. How do you know when to say something?
2006-06-26 06:25:53 · 34 answers · asked by OK 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You should say something. You will feel better aboutit afterwards.
2006-06-26 06:28:15 · answer #1 · answered by energy31o 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them. Occasionally people will say or do things that will hurt other people. The difference is, how often does this happen. If it happens way too often you don't have a friend you have an acquaintance. Pointing out to someone they have hurt your feelings without accusing them of doing it on purpose is the difference. Address the situation when it happens don't mull over it, that can make it worse then it really was. If someone hurts your feelings with a statement, speak up, but speak softly. The problem may not be in letting someone know they have hurt your feelings, the problem may be in how you let them know. If you don't speak up your going to have an attitude and that will affect your relationship in the long run.
2006-06-26 06:48:27 · answer #2 · answered by c.nolan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you lost a relationship simply due to speaking up about your feelings then the relationship was rotted from the beginning and just not worth having. I honestly believe we should all speak up and let our friends, family, children, (depending on age) and spouses how we feel about events and situations which affect us. Honey, if you are a little too sensitive, your real friends will realize this and not stop being your friend due to it. In fact, they may treat you more gently if they are aware, simply because you are valuable to them and they do not wish to harm you. I do beleive we should all strive to toughen up our skins a bit as too much sensitivity could be a problem with self esteem and not just being very tender hearted. We can be tender hearted and not become offended over little things. So, if you think you are a bit too sensitive then perhaps it is something you should consider working on. You will benifit drastically by doing so and you friends and family will as well. Those who are your real friends will seak to understand and accomadate qualities they see as a problem for you. They will value you and understand your worth, probably more than you will right now. Seak out those who will love and appreciate you, don't allow yourself to get sucked into hurtful relationships which are one sided. This is doing yourself a diservice and will not help you out in life, will instead be a constant souse of hurt and pain.
Some know how to better friends than others. Sadly, too many are selfish and only look to their own fullfillment and needs, taking what others have to offer and rarely giving much if anything back. These are not the types of friends you want to have, in fact they are not really friends at all. Friends are those who love you for the whole person you are, for the good in you and in spite of the negitive.
It is better to be alone than have "friends' who do not know how to be real friends and how continue to take and not give back. Treat yourself more kindly and wait for those who will value, love and apprecaite you for the whole you and do not waste your time on those who do not know how to be good, kind, loyal, loving friends. Life is too short to waste it in bad relationships.
2006-06-26 06:36:47 · answer #3 · answered by Serenity 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are feeling uncomfortable, then it's time to say something. A good friend will understand that you must set boundaries. If you let things go things will continue along the same vein. Don't worry about being a dweeb your feelings matter too and if you are hurt you should say so.
2006-06-26 06:30:39 · answer #4 · answered by kalischild57 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 men fishing in a boat, "Joe" turns to "Mac" and says "I really felt hurt by what you just said to me".
That never happened....
2 men fishing in a boat, "Joe" turns to "Mac" and says "You dumb sh!#, don't say that the me again, and pass me a beer".
Friendship saved, never to be brought out, dusted off, and used again. Unless...
Mac shakes up the beer before he hands it over so it explodes. Then Joe hits Mac with a crank bait. The focus of the story when told to the friends and family at the cook out is digging the crank bait hook out of Mac, not digging hurt feelings.
Now change this to Joe and his girlfriend/wife, or two women. The hurtful remark and the feelings this caused is the thing that would keep Joe sleeping on the couch or the 2 women not talking to each other for a week, or more. And the next argument, well lets just dust off what happened at the lake...
Sound familiar, sound stereo-typical.
Chose the mountain you want to die on and fight that battle. Laugh when you can.
2006-06-26 06:29:40 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It kind of depends on how hurt you are. If you can, say something right away, and then they'll know what to stay away from. If it was a little while ago, and you can let it go, do. Holding grudges against friends for minor things, and then having a confrontation weeks later is not healthy for friendships.
2006-06-26 06:37:18 · answer #6 · answered by Beardog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're defenitely right on choosing to have a heathy relationship
with honesty and if you feel that you should speak out when you felt that you should then you should defenitely do it because in some situation the person doesn't even know herself that what he/she said or done had hurt you in anyway and you maybe thinking may things so you should always make things clear
and if he/she doesn't like it then if friendship is lost over then let it be you'll fine the friend that you're looking for along the way the one's that enjoy heathy realtionship and accept their mistakes and your mistakes as well.
2006-06-26 06:34:49 · answer #7 · answered by blueyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know when to say something when it is appropriate. The here and now moment after your feelings have been hurt is not always the right time and it might not be the right place. Why your feelings were hurt is something else we need to know in order to give our opinion.
Friendship is about acceptance. We cant always understand what a friend is doing. But if they are our friend we can accept it.
It doesnt make what they are doing right. And we do have the option to let them know that that particular behaviour although acceptable to them is not acceptable to you.
2006-06-26 06:31:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if they're your real friend then they should already know what hurts your feelings and saying something would just make them more aware of it. If they get mad and end the friendship because of your feelings then they aren't worth having your friendship in the first place and in that case it's good that that relationship is ended.
2006-06-26 06:33:19 · answer #9 · answered by determined 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you can approach this person in a decent way without being judgmental then do it. If you cant then you should find someone to help you with the words you need to say...
So often large fights start from small problems... And after time all we remember is that we dislike someone and forget what the reason was in the first place.
good luck
2006-06-26 06:30:57 · answer #10 · answered by Grin Reeper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends. Never sweat the little things, but if it's something that is going to bother for a long time then approch it in a non-aggressive, friendly matter. Explain that your friendship is to important to you to let this thing affect it and you just wanted to get it out in the open, resolve it, and move on.
2006-06-26 06:30:13 · answer #11 · answered by J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋