My step daughter has an 8x5 picture of her mother in the house...?

Question

it's in her room. But I think she only has it out to be mean. Because she never wants to see her mother who lives in brooklyn which is 45min. from us. As a matter of fact before my husband and I got married she had the picture in her closet for 4 months. But after we got married and she got mad at me she pulled it out. She makes sure it is facing the door so that everyone can see it,so I tested her to see if she did it just to get under my skin,by facing toward her bed so that she can only see it . She turns it back to the door what do you think??

Answer 1

It sounds to me like your step daughter has some unresolved issues about her father remarrieing or about her relation ship with you or her mother. I think that you need to talk to her about your relationship with her, and maybe about how she feels about your marrage. Don't move her picture, or let her know that it bothers you! Don't talk about her mother unless she brings it up and try to say only good things. Be possative, stay strong, and try to see things from her side, try to imagine how you would feel in her possition!
Good luck, you obviously care about her.

Answer 2

She may have put it out to just to get to you. Just remember, you are an adult and above childish games. Let her and her picture be. She will either get over it or not. Just take the high road. Don't goad her or try to talk to her about it even. If she knows that it bothers you (and you suspect that is the whole reason behind it) she will relish in that. As a matter of fact, why not buy her a nice frame for the picture. You could enclose a note telling her that you know that her mother is very important to her and wanted her to have a special frame for such a special person in her life. Either she will realize that it doesn't bother you (if that is her motivation) and move/remove the picture or it will open up the lines of communication between you two and y'all can talk about what you both want out of y'alls relationship.

Answer 3

She might just be confused about her own feelings... she may know her mother hasn't been taking care of her, and she may have no real feelings for her mother... but on the other hand, that IS her mother, and now that there's a stepmother in the situation, she may be just trying to remind herself and the rest of the world that she has a real mother somewhere. Don't act mad about the picture. Even though your stepdaughter doesn't see her mother, the mother is still part of her. Maybe you could ask her if she's been thinking about her mother a lot lately, and whether she would like to write a letter to her mother or visit her. Even if the stepdaughter says no, you'll be showing her that you care about her and her feelings. Good luck...

Answer 4

I think that you and she are involved in this power play. Let it go, ignore it. Don't let it get to you and she will also cease to care. I'm guessing you have other problems with her. Or sit down and talk to her about happy memories of her mother. If she has a good relationship with her mother, it will be better for her and you in the long run. I think she will up the ante in this little picture game if you keep playing. Really now, what difference does it make, it's her mother she can have a picture if she wants. You are kind of acting just as immature as her. Just ignore it and put your energy into doing fun stuff with her. Teach her to cook and take her to the movies or whatever.

Answer 5

Either way it is her right to have a picture of her mother. It sounds to me like you are dealing with jealousy (of an ex wife) and trying to find a place in your step daughters life. Keep in mind no matter what the situation a child will love their parents. Now she is not only dealing with an absentee mother, she is struggling to remain a part of her dad's life. In her mind you are a threat to her relationship with her dad (that is how kids think). It sounds to me like you are also searching for your place and are jealous of your step daughter. Do not be petty and controling. Yes children get mad yes they do things to make you angry. You saying you turned the picture around tells me a lot, you need to be the adult. You need to accept that you are the one that needs to fit in not her. Do not give into your hurtful feelings and anger. Show your step daughter the love you show your husband. Her mother is not a threat to you (they are divorced and she doesn't live by you). You are a family now be a mother. If you show her love she will come to show you love back. Children take longer to mature then adults, you are in the wrong here. Take the opportunity to build a positive relationship with your step daugher. I had a step mother who was very unkind and it ended up hurting my relationship with my father, damaged my self esteem and still has the ability to hurt me today. Now that I am an adult we are cordial for the sake of my father. Keep in mind the feelings and emotions of being a child. She wants to feel safe and wanted, don't take that away from her. There is always room in your heart to love more people, extend that love to her and after awhile you will get love back. I know you can do it. Good luck!!!!

Answer 6

First of all remember that you're dealing with a teenager. Teenagers have such a redicules amount of hormones raging throughout their bodies it's really astounding that they can make rational desicions. Your stepdaughter is angry. She feels a little helpless about the whole thing i'm sure. Think about it, how much control did she have over her parents spitting up? How do you think tha made her feel. How much control did she have over where she ends up staying. How do you think that makes her feel? How much controll does she have over anything? How do you think that makes her feel?
In this case, she can control that picture of her mother and where she puts it. She does'nt feel that she can talk to you so she acts out. She knows that the picture bothers you so she does it. She wants you to feel just as angry and upset as she does.
What can be done about it? First of all you need to let her know that it's ok to be angry of things she can't control. All of you need to go to counseling. You, your husband and all the children. Issues that go on unadressed manifest from doing things to irritate YOU to things that are self-destructive to HER. Remember, you are now a parent figure to her. She needs your guidence more than ever now. She needs a mother figure not a friend. I wish you happiness in your new marriage. I wish your family peace. I wish you all the best of luck. I hope this helps even a little bit.

Answer 7

I think you are being petty and insecure. Maybe she doesn't like her mother. But deep down she's a kid that is hurting and probably is crying out for a better relationship with her mother. Rather than trying to "compete" with Mom, just let it go lady. If you treat her with love and respect instead of playing these nonsensical games with her, maybe she will replace the love she doesn't feel toward her mother with love toward you.

She's a child. You should expect this type of behavior from her. How is it that you explain your behavior here?

Answer 8

How old is she? Yes, she is most likely doing it to get to you and it is working. The existence of the other parent is imminent. If this is the only issue in your blended family you are lucky! Give it time. It will likely get worse before it gets better. Especially if you are dealing w/ a teen (or pre-teen).
Remember, YOU are the grown-up. You will need to stay calm. Try hanging the picture on the wall in her room where it can't be seen by everyone who passes by but is visible to her. Say "I think it's nice you want a picture of your mom in your room."

She'll get the picture.

Answer 9

just leave it alond. what is the big deal here. Its not like the mother is actually there. I grew up with a stepfather which could be mean to ust sometimes. But the more time passed we got along great he even calls me son and I introduce him to all my friends as my dad.He tried to have a relationship with me and my sister and that is what you should do instead of picking little things to make things more uncomfortable than what they already are. Specially if they are teenagers. So take it easy and afterall its her room. So just leave it alone.

Answer 10

What is really bothering you ? The picture or the way she is acting towards you? That is what you should ask yourself. If you feel that it is her than you should have a sit down and talk to her, explain to her, yours and her father's relationship, and how your not looking to replace her mom. Obviously she is hurting, and is doing things to get on your last nerve.