I am 11 weeks pregnant. Two days before I found out I was pregnant I broke up with my baby's father because I couldn't stand him....at all! He had become controlling and didn't even want me to hang out with my female friends. He wanted my every living moment to be with him. He had been my friend for years but we just didn't work as a couple. So, when I told him I was pregnant he instantly thought that I was stuck with him and started being really nice to try to win me back. My pregnancy hormones kicked in and I was pretty straight forward and told him what I didn't like about him and our relationship. He didn't like that and tried to hurt me by calling me names and even questioning whether the baby is his. Now that I am basically ignoring him and focusing on my baby and my health, he is being really nice....like trying to prove himself. I don't know what to do....The thought of being with him makes me sick at this point.
2006-06-26 05:58:33 · 23 answers · asked by jojodaqtpie 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Also, I don't want to give the baby his name...I actually wish he would just go away.....Is that TERRIBLE of me? His family is CRAZY and I don't wanna expose my child to that mess. I'm so confused and I want what is best for my child.
2006-06-26 05:59:42 · update #1
Also, he seems to think I am trapped with him so he can treat me anyway he wants to! I tried explaining that we don't have to be together to be good parents and he's not hearing it. Like I said he is VERY controlling. He's very angry that I spend all of my time with my family now.
2006-06-26 06:04:59 · update #2
I did love him A LOT before he became physically abusive. That was the turn off....maybe I should have mentioned that. We had plans to be together forever. AND BY THE WAY, I WAS ON THE PILL AND TAKING IT REGULARLY WHEN I WAS PREGNANT.....don't try to put me down for being irresponsible.....
2006-06-26 06:07:48 · update #3
I'm going through a very similiar situation myself! You CAN raise the baby alone! It will be tough but you can do it! Email me if you want to talk ericalsmith2004@yahoo.com
2006-06-26 06:11:01 · answer #1 · answered by ericalsmith2004 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You already answered your own question. If he makes you sick and you can not stand him there is no reason to be with him. Since there is a baby involved you will have to have some contact with him for at least the next 18yrs. Alot of women feel because they are pregnant or alredy have children they should stay in the relationship but that is not what is best for the child or for the person staying. I look at it this way if I'm not happy then my children are not happy. I must also tell you I give you props for saying you are focusing on your baby and your health. That is the most important thing. Good luck to you.
2006-06-26 13:16:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a true believer in having the father in the picture. but if he has been phisically and emotionally abusive it is no place for a child. Your main resposibility is your childs well being. Getting back together at this point will only cause an enormous amount of problems. The controlling will get out of control i am sure. Of course he is being nice now but when men have that mean streak it is bound to come back. Having a child is so hard in a relationship to begin with. That is why there are so many divorces ou there. And so many young children with out fathers. You dont have to give your child his name. You are not married and that is it. Get a lawyer for legal issues when this child is born so he doesnt interfer with the custody. If he is controlling he may want to get back at you by going after the child custody. Just many things to think about. The stress during pregnancy is horrible for you and the baby. My friends who were stressed during pregnancy had difficult children and taxing labors. I was not at all stressed and my daughter came in 5 hours and is an angel. I believe it has something to do with it. your Hormones are out of wack but think clearly and keep your distance from him. Time to stand up for yourself and your child. Good luck!!!
2006-06-26 13:27:12 · answer #3 · answered by rachelpaul1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you are a smart woman, and you should listen to your heart. It has already told you that you don't want to be in a realtionship with this man, before you found out you were having his baby. Nothing has changed, espically him!! You and your child will be much better off without this crazy man and his family. When the baby is born, give him your last name, and leave the fathers info blank on the birth certificate. Run, don't walk away from the sperm donor. This is an abusive relationship, even if he is not actually beating you.
2006-06-26 13:06:16 · answer #4 · answered by Amanda S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not trying to be rude or anything, but you should of thought about that a little over 11 weeks ago. If you couldn't stand him then you should of been a little more careful. You can do all that you want to try to keep him and his family away from the baby but remember that he is the father and he does have rights. He can actually take you to court for tests and then have court ordered visitations. But don't trip out just yet, it's still early.
2006-06-26 13:04:08 · answer #5 · answered by lil_gabby_2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt stay with him. If u didnt like him before you got pregnant why would you like him after. He's still the same person and I know how you feel. I tried to stay with the father of my girls and finally told him it wasnt working. Its hard but you can do it. your baby doesnt need to be around parents fighting all the time. Move on but make sure he is in the babies life if its his. Thats important. If not then at least get him for child support
2006-06-26 13:07:19 · answer #6 · answered by Maria*&*Maritza's Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was mean before then he's only being nice now to win you back, don't fall for it ! Of course in a perfect world you would want your child to have both parents with them. That isn't always what is best for the child though.If your not happy, your baby won't be happy either. Good luck and GOD BLESS YOU BOTH!
2006-06-26 13:09:44 · answer #7 · answered by leakser68 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of your baby and don't be with him. If you are not happy, then your child is going to know that you aren't and he/she won't be happy either. I think this guy is just really immature and maybe once the baby is born he will grow up a bit. Let him have contact with the baby and make sure you get support, but don't have a relationship with him just because of the baby or you will regret it.
2006-06-26 13:08:35 · answer #8 · answered by peachy4995 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can do just fine without him. You don't have to give the baby his last name. In the hopsital they give you a choice. You also do not have to list him as the father of the baby. But, I am sure the baby at sometime in the future will want to know who their daddy is.
Give yourself sometime and relax. You all might work it out in the future, who knows.....But if he is abusive, you need to stay away from him as it will only get worse. Take care and I wish you the best........
2006-06-26 13:17:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My current girlfriend had her first child on her own, when she was a teen, because she didn't want to be with the father. And also she passed up abortion because she wanted the child to live. It's a choice you should consider, especially if you're subjecting your child and yourself to abuse of a father you don't really want to be with, and whom you might break up with down the line again subjecting yourself and child to trauma of a divorce, etc. So far the child raising is going well for her, you can do it too.
2006-06-26 13:05:57 · answer #10 · answered by too_live_forever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont think you have to be with him just because you have a baby together if its not meant to be then raise the baby without him if he is the way you say he might not even want to be around for the baby
2006-06-26 15:53:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋