A dead relationship... Female advice is definately welcome.?

Question

We started out perfectly from the second we met. We always had fun together no matter what happened. After 6 months, external factors (job, family, friends etc) gave us both so much stress. I was so stressed out that sometimes i lay in bed all day. We started fighting in nov - december and it got worse in Jan. I was a whole different person and I've never been that angry in my entire life. We both said insane things to each other. Thinking back it's almost as if I was possed by the devil haha... We broke up. Now its 5-6 months later. 2 (feb-march) months after the break up, id call to see if she was ok. She'd get mad and acted completely cold. I saw her in the 3rd month (april), and she was crying. she kissed me, hugged me... In may I saw her again. She acted cold and later appologised saying "it was a defense thing." Thats the short of it. email me for details, but any ideas on how to revive this? I feel like she's trying hard to convince herself that she doesn't love me..

You guys had some amazing responses. I know deep down she loves me. I feel it. I know the people around her are trying to make her forget about me. They're also trying to hook her up. She's been looking for a new guy and being intro'd to guys by her friend. I feel like she's trying to find a husband just to try and get back what she had with me. When she talks about any guy she says " he's a decent guy" in a "blah" tone. It's like she's settling in the hopes of moving on. In April (3rd month aftr brk up), when she agreed to meet me, she kissed me and hugged me tightly. She kept crying. I know that she misses me and loves me. She doesn't talk to me or anything. I know she's trying hard to not let me remind her of anything to do with us. She was my fiance, and we were going out for over a year. As for the stress, it was so bad that it made me phsyically sick. If anyone would like to hear all the details, please email me or leave an email. I'm trying to keep this brief cuz of the limit.

Answer 1

y do u stil care so much of her since both of u already broke up?yourself already call it DEAD r/s,y do u stil care?do u stil love her?r u waiting for her answer in order for u to make a move.?

Answer 2

If you can get her to see a doctor and tell him what she has been feeling..you might find out that its depression. Stress can cause alot of things ( I tried suicide)....and maybe she is scared to commit. You said you both said some insane things...where these things out of anger or were you just being mean to each other. Sometimes, things said in the heat of the moment are the most damaging. And once said...can never be taken back......Just try talking...like over the phone and just as a friend. let her know you care how she is doing, but dont push seeing her. Try this for awhile and inch towards meeting somewhere. You might have to just start all over again and try to get to know each other as friends first. Good luck.

Answer 3

She may still love you, but feel that you guys are better off apart. The best thing you can do for both of you is talk to her if/when she wants to, but back off when she's feeling on the defensive. Getting over a relationship is hard, getting over it when you still care about them is even harder. You may never get back into a relationship with her, but you may come out the end of this as friends because you respect her need for distance right now. Later on down the road, you never know what might happen then. I wish you both the best of luck.

Answer 4

i just went thru almost the same thing, and of course i was cold toward my ex boyfriend when he tried to contact me. my explanation is that she loves you very much, but she remembers how you and her used to fight. she doesnt want to get hurt again. it's like the puppy that follows u home and u kick it cuz u know u cant take care of it, and u turn a cold shoulder on it cuz u konw u love it so much. that's prbabaly where she's coming from.

what my ex boyfriend did was send me messages on the internet and tell me that he's a changed man, he went thru anger management, and he's gotten better with a lot of things. he also told me he regrets hurting me and he will never do it again. i decided to give him a chance and we've been doin great for the week or so we have been together.

just don't pressure her into anything at all!!! she will just probably get annoyed and then u'll have NO chance!!! try what my ex did

Answer 5

To be honest with you, yea she still is in love with you; it is because a woman when she falls in love she's attached. The attachment doesn't leave until it really hits hard, and she has another person to occupy that time. The best thing for you to do is leave her alone, and realize that you're the reason she's acting that way. The more hope you're giving her by communicating with her, the more she wants to be attached again. Women have a way of letting it go to the back of their minds, and then if and when it comes out it's because the other person persues it to come out. When you call and try to check up on her, you're trying to ignite a fire inside her that probably never did disappear; but if she's the way she is in a manner, it's because she's lonely. You need to let her go in peace and ask her honestly if she is in love with you still. If she is in love with you then you ask yourself, are you in love with her? If both of you are in love with eachother, then so be it, make it work; try and try to make it work because love is a beautiful thing, but at the same time it's the darkest thing you'll ever encounter. She's being defensive because she's been hurt by you, and she's afrais she might get hurt again. So that's in a way she's the way she is. Ask yourself are you in love with her, if you are, be patient enough for her to find her way back to you; because you were the one who hurt her. So give her that much. Like I said don't take love forgranted, true love is hard to find but don't confuse it with lust. I was in love with a guy for 6 yrs. I am still in love with him, he just left this world tragically that's all. So be patient and take time to see her side of it.. hope that helps. =) haha

Answer 6

Ask her for a meeting to discuss the situation, then lay all your cards on the table about how you feel. Ask her if she wants to resume the relationship and set a time limit for her to give you an answer if she says she doesn't know right now. If she wants to resume the relationship, then you both need to talk about what your expectations are and where you see the two of you heading. If she doesn't want the relationship, move on. Life is way too short to waste it on someone who doesn't return your feelings.

Answer 7

It's going to take both of you to agree to discuss what's going on before any healing can be done. Your trying to figure out what to do to patch things up won't work otherwise. She sounds like she's not ready for this step, or she would be calling you and making attempts to get things back together. The things that have happened must have been really harsh.

Answer 8

She's probably hurting just as bad as you are and needs some space or maybe she wants the 2 of you to go out and do something as friends to see if you two can be friends. She might just not know how to act around you since you did break up.

Answer 9

I'm sorry to say but it sounds like the two of you are better apart than together. From your description, it sounds like you might be suffering from some depression, and she might be a little bi-polar (or having PMS from hell.) Have you talked to your doctor? Either way, just be you for a while. If it is meant to be, you will be back together and will both be healthier for the break.

Answer 10

I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT SHE DOES LOVE YOU BUT SOMETHING IS HOLDING HER BACK! YOU NEED TO HAVE A TALK WITH HER LAST AND FOR ALL AND IF IT DOES NOT WORK OUT THEN IT MAY BE TIME TO MOVE ON. IF YOU BOTH SAID SOME PRETTY NASTY THINGS TO EACH OTHER YOU MAY REALLY WANT TO THINK ABOUT GETTING BACK TOGETHER THAT IS A SIGN OF MORE BAD FIGHTING TO COME AND IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE GOOD LUCK!

Answer 11

the best advise I can give you is to tell her exactly how you feel. Giving her mixed signals is probably why she is putting up this wall with you. If you get everything out there and tell her exactly what you told us she might surprise you. If she does choose not trying again at least you'll know so you can start the process of moving on with your life instead of hold on to something your not sure of.