I'm a virgin, not because I'm religious or anything like that, the opportunity never really came up (my b/f was religious so he didn't want to errr). I'm with a guy now and the issue of sex has come up. I'd really like to do stuff with him except for 2 things: lack of experience and the thought of him seeing me naked. I've never performed oral sex or anything so what if i'm awful? i don't have the greatest body either. I'm overweight and have massive scar tissue from an appendectomy gone wrong making one side of my stomach bigger. I don't want to be a virgin forever (at least this much of a virgin). How do I become comfortable enough w/my body so that it doesn't scare me to show it to other people?
2006-06-26 05:40:48 · 19 answers · asked by AngL 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If there's something wrong with your body, and it makes you unhappy, and uncomfortable, do something about it. Work on it. Yes, it will take time, but you will feel better about yourself, every step of the way. In a while, you will LIKE your body, and be proud of it. Some lucky man will get to enjoy it with you! Good Luck!!
2006-06-26 05:44:17 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can I ask you something? Is he comfortable with your body? Obviously he is with you for other reasons than your own insecurities. I am a single mom with two children, no I am not overweight but after 2 children one being a c-section, yes I have the "pooch", stretch marks, and scar but when I met my, now, fiancee I thought I am who I am and if you realize that and have that confidence than everything will be okay. Have you talked with him about it? If he truely cares about you a scar is not going to be a big deal.
Please do this, make a pro and con list of yourself. Yes you have a scar but, what do you like? Your smile, your eyes, anything. What you see and feel good about so will others. Remember this, I know it sounds so cliche' but beauty is on the inside. Think about the people out there who are scarred or what not worse than you, when you seee them with someone I am sure that person is not worried about a scar.
Do not let yourself get trapped in the "perfect" body bull that the media throws at you everyday. If you or anybody had the money and time to workout with a personal trainer and have someone cook you a piece of brocolli for dinner you would be able to look like that too!!! Just be happy with yourself, God made you that way for a reason and someone, if not your current beau, will love you for you.
Keep smiling it is a beautiful and contagious thing.
2006-06-26 05:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by gen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, i'm insecure as well.. However, if you're willing to have sex with your boyfriend.. you must know he cares deeply for you, right? and if he does.. he will not measure you on how socially correct you are physically. You should talk to him- tell him your not comfortable to show yourself to him (just yet). Maybe if you know you can trust him, you can be comfortable with him, try turning the lights off for the first couple of times. Then, add a candle..and so forth- work your way up- you'll feel more comforatble being naked around him each time you're "together". Also, you must tell him about your inexperience.. again, if he's a good guy.. he'll understand and help you--
Make sure this is what you want- virginity is a one-time-deal.
2006-06-26 05:49:33 · answer #3 · answered by Tiny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the rush? If you really are into this guy why not wait for a real commitment? The risks associated with sex, even oral sex can last a lifetime. A high school friend of mine ended up getting chlamydia from oral sex and now she can't have kids! Take your time. When you are in a relationship that is lasting trying new things is the fun part! When it's really love, you won't care what you look like to him, just that you're with him!
2006-06-26 05:48:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear you girl, but Im not a virgin or overweight. I am very insecured about myself when it comes to having sex with someone. Just go with the flow, tell him that you dont feel comfortable with taking your clothes off then he will try to work with you. He may not like it that you are so insecured about yourself(most guys dont), but if he really wants to be with you then he will work with you. If it makes you feel any better...look at yourself in the mirror fully naked and determine what areas you dont like about yourself, and fix on it. You can only change for the better never for the worse. Good luck!
2006-06-26 05:47:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to take this step, it must be with someone you trust and love. If you find this person they shouldn't care about scars or some extra flab (we all have it). Lack of experience who cares, have you discussed this with your current boyfriend? I'm sure he'll be glad to show you the ropes. Maybe start slow keeping on your undergarments, leaving the lights off until you are more comfortable with someone touching you and being in that situation. Good luck and don't rush just for the sake of it. Find someone special it will be worth it.
2006-06-26 05:44:45 · answer #6 · answered by Bassetlover 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, obviously he is attracted to you, so what are you worrying about. And besides every virgin has the same mindset the first time, basically what you just told us here about being a virgin you tell your bf, if he doesn't understand your issue than he's not worth your virginity. Also if you do plan to go through with it, make sure your protected that's the most important thing. :0)
2006-06-26 05:46:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your bf about your insecurities. That way he can reassure you and he won't be surprised when he sees your scar. If he loves you none of that will matter to him. I was nervous my first time, I have small breasts and was worried it would be a turn off. I talked to my bf about it and he said he loves me just the way I am. It totally reassured me and I felt more confident when we finally made love. And the part about you not having experience is ok let him tell you what he likes and how he likes it and don't forget to let him know when you like something to so he can do that more often for you too. Good Luck!
2006-06-26 07:45:40 · answer #8 · answered by lilmama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend wants to have sex with you, I'm sure he thinks your body is fine. No one expects perfection. Turn off the lights if you are really self-conscious. And as long as you communicate, you will have a good time. If you are new to stuff, ask him to walk you through it while you are going down on him. If he tells what he wants and you do what he is telling you to do, there won't be any problems.
2006-06-26 05:46:23 · answer #9 · answered by lizwatson109 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe trying to understand your insecurities and what the source of them are, will help. There are many methods to help figure that out such as self-reflection (i.e. journal keeping), self-help books, or even counselling. Insecurity over being overweight may have deeper roots or it may be simply be the influence of media portrayal of the 'perfect woman' or any other number of things but dealing with them should be beneficial and help you in the long run.
2006-06-26 05:52:15 · answer #10 · answered by Dark Light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋