"I am having an affair with my ex husband, but he is married. At first he was going to leave his wife which is why I hooked back up with him, but when he tried he found it too hard to leave his son. He and I have been friends since our divorce and since we hooked back up a bout a year and a half ago we have become best of friends. I don't want to lose him at all, but especially not his friendship. How do I tell him he needs to chose his wife and let me go or chose to be with me and let his wife go without sounding like I am giving him an altimatium; I just think it is unfair to me - I am having a really hard time being apart from him and seeing him with her?
2006-06-26 05:40:24 · 13 answers · asked by lbow9465 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Intentionally or not, he's playing you both and he's already made his decision. The only way you are not going to lose him is to remain friends and leave it at that. You guys divorced for a reason and he remarried for a reason.
It's you that needs to make that decision, not him.
2006-06-26 05:46:03 · answer #1 · answered by King H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two get along so well then why did you divorce. People leave other people for a RESON,you got divorced for a reason. You are just too lazy to move on and your ex found a way to have a family and get a$$ on the side when the wigfe isn't in the mod. Don't make him choose, just leave, then call his wife and tell her what you are doing. When someone is in an affair their are more than two people involved in it. In this case there are 4 you your ex his wife and their son. You by continuing this affair are hurting all four.
Enjoy that on your conscience, you husbands new wife, did she really deserve for her marriage to not even stand a chance to work? Did you really have to be so selfish to to do this to someone else?
2006-06-26 12:56:19 · answer #2 · answered by cisco_cantu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a difficult situation as it is not atypical but no matter what, you have a lot of people involved and there are FEELINGS! First and foremost, hindsight is 20/20 when I say this but unfortunately you were the one who believed him when he said that he was going to leave his wife(and son)for you and that's why you "hooked back up with him." You needed to see that happen BEFORE you went back into a relationship with him. He wasn't just seeing somebody(he was married!!), and had already had a child with this woman, making it all that much more difficult to leave. I know you say you don't want to give him an ultimatum but isn't that what he really needs? Or you just putting your feelings out there and say, "I don't want to lose this friendship we've built however I see that you aren't leaving her, and you have a son to think about here too and it is best for me as I can't take this and live like this, to let you go and move on with my life." You need to take control of yourself, that's the only person who can do it or change anything. Is it easy? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But for your own life, your own self-esteem, all of it, you need to let go and realize what you can bring to a healthy situation one day. In the meantime, give yourself some time to heal, you can be strong, you can handle things alone!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck to you! I will keep you in my prayers. To me, he not only has the cow, the milk, but the whole farm, you know what I mean girl?
2006-06-26 12:51:39 · answer #3 · answered by Laurie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be hard not to sound like you are giving him an ultimatum because you are giving him an ultimatum. And well you should - actually, you should be giving yourself one.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ????? Why in _____'s name would you "hook back up" with your ex when he is married and has a son ???? How dare you do something like that ! Would you want any women doing to your husband what you have done to this woman's husband ? (I am not saying HE is not to blame, too - but your blame is not mitigated by his betrayal. And we are not talkin' about him here.)
You have already lost it all - you have lost his friendship and you have lost his trust and you have lost his respect. Hopefully, if you are smart, he has lost all that from you, as well. How can you two be friends after this ? How could either of you ever trust the other ?
Have some integrity and end this affair - don't give him an ultimatum - give yourself one. Tell him it is over. OVER. And that you don't want to see or hear from him again.
Begin your own process of healing and face a new day as a better person who will not ever do this to another human being.
2006-06-26 12:51:24 · answer #4 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he needs the ultimatum. I know it is hard for you since you guys have a past. but think of the reasons you got a divorce and he re married anyway. Once he lives with you then the chancces of things going bad go up. He is getting the attentionfrom you that he doesn't from her and what he doesn;t get fromy ou he is getting from her....OF COARSe he is going to tell you he loves you and not her etc.... but he is with her. He cans till see his son and have a good relationship with him. The thing is if he really wanted to leave her then he would. Also if he can cheat on her and they have a kid together then he will do it to you....I am sure you are smart and know the likely hood...If I was you I would be respectful and leave him...a best friend don't lie...He married her vowing to be her best friend....think about it please....
2006-06-26 12:46:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, well there's a child involved so either way someone gets hurt. If he didnt leave right away like he should've, I can tell you now he might not ever leave. The longer the wait the harder it is. And basically being w/ both women at the same time makes him a cheater......he's cheating BOTH of you. Only you dont see it that way, you may know what I mean but YOUR also the one who is okay w/ the fact that he's w/ both of you and he knows it.
2006-06-26 12:46:56 · answer #6 · answered by Caramel_apples 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't tell him anything...first of all, look at the situation. you are having an AFFAIR with your EX husband! why did you get a divorce instead of trying to work it out? do you think he is worthy of being given a second chance to get back together with him? He's cheating on his wife now with you! you have got yourself in a big mess! you have got to cut your losses and let him go! things are not going to get any better in this situation...
2006-06-26 13:50:32 · answer #7 · answered by heresthedeal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are giving him an ultimatum, so its next to impossible to not make it sound that way - its either her or you, his choice. Just make sure you are prepared for his decision and that you are strong enough to back up what you put on the table. If he does choose her, get and stay out of his life - don't stay around like a lost puppy dog. If he chooses you, give him a time frame to be out of her house, and if he's not, he has made her his choice again, and you have to be prepared to leave. If he does come back to you, watch your back - cuz the next girlfriend might make him make the same choice.
2006-06-26 12:48:06 · answer #8 · answered by thersa33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you get a divorce in the first place and what makes you think it will work now? Why would you want to breakup someone's family? Why do you want him - be honest, is it because someone else has him? I don't think you are doing anyone any good in the triangle. Maybe it's time for you to move on and find someone new.
2006-06-26 12:46:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to decide for yourself what you want. you decided to hook up with a married man (ex or not he is married). do you really want to get with someone who cheats on their wife? and think about why you divorced in the first place.
2006-06-26 12:56:29 · answer #10 · answered by mydogisgay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋