What can I do to get my daughter to be more respectful?

Question

She is 18yrs old.Had some hard times in life so shes a little resentful at the world.Doesnt trust to easily,refuses to be reasonable about anything and on the road of self destruction I need serious help Please!

Answer 1

say no. take away her things so she's more dependant on you like a child would be. explain to her its your house, not hers! if she doesn't do what you say, she can go else where. at the age the lessons learned have to be a lot tougher than if you were starting from when they were little. make her see that you should be grateful for what you have and that you shouldn't trust easily and have to do it yourself! make her live on her own in the real world, it will be hard but she will learn what she needs to. Given she is 18, if she hasn't learned it yet, she might not unless you take serious measures now.

Answer 2

At 18, it is a little late for the parent to teach the daughter respect and values. She has pretty much made up her mind about what she respects and what she values. What you need to do is find out what she does respect and value. And do what is necessary so that she respects and values YOU.

In general, a parent needs to be involved in teaching the child discipline, respect and value before the age of 13, or before the turn of puberty to adolescence. Too often the parents in the US neglect their duties blaming on work, etc. and try to make up for it by spoiliing the child, which distorts the child's understanding of discipline, respect, and value even more. This occurs even in US low-income families not just for the middle and upper class. Then the parents blame it on the teachers in the schools for not teaching discipline, respect and value. The teachers in the US schools today are limited on what they can do and can only teach the child that every decision has consequences. Without parental involvement, the child can get into a circular behavior of making bad decisions and accepting the bad consequences.

So by the age of 18 entering adulthood, if a person has not learned to make good decisions because of discipline, respect and value, he/she is pretty much stuck with those discipline, respect and value. In some cases, I've seen something traumatic can help a person change like religion, physical accident, etc. Many at-risk US students in high school who join the military credit the military for changing their lives. If only the US high schools can be runned like a military boot camp. Instead of teachers, we need drill sargents, solitary confinements, etc. But the same parents who spoil their child will be against that.

Answer 3

Help will be difficult, but not impossible. You are her mother, and you will need to set bound for her. It is unfortunate that this has to be done so late in your daughters life as this age will make it much more difficult. You must take the responsibility to discipline her when she gets disrespectful. Remember though to explain why she needs to be respectful in each situation in which she is disrespectful. A young child generally does not understand why things are done, but the child will do what he/she is told. A teenager is a different story though. Your daughter has the ability to reason out the events in her life. Right now she is reasoning that life has been dificult to her so why should she care or show respect.

To discipline her, do not spank/hit at all and do not scold her in public. When she makes the mistakes, take her aside and calmly tell her to cease and desist and why she must cease and desist. Tell her you love her, but that she is making a mistake and must change. Give out physical labor punishment or punishments where she is required to help someone out.

Ty to get her into a Big Brothers Big Sisters program, Girlscouts, homeless shelter, or other civic organization where she can volunteer (forcefully) her time. This will allow her to see that others are even worse off than she is. Being an example to little kids will also help get her "motherly instinct" to come out and realize that she is being looked up to and must act a certain way.

God Bless and I hope this helps you!

Answer 4

to be honest with u only thing u can do right know is let her be not all the way tho just let her know that u love her and u are there if she ever want to talk u can take her to the doctor saying she need help u can beat her it wont help it will just make her ACT out more just let her be some and slowly start by giving her a hug and then tell her u love her and that u hear for her and kill her with kindness and u have to respect her for she can respect you she need to be respect just like anybody Else even if she is acting all crazy so u just take one step at a time show her that u still love her

Answer 5

Tough love here ... I'm having the same problem with my 17 year old ... she really thinks she's "all that" now that she's 17. I've stopped helping her out as much ... teens don't respect parents who do too much for them. You can't make them be respectful, especially at this age, but you don't have to stand there and take it either. Kids this age are going to do what they want to do; they just don't have to self-destruct in front of US.

Hard times in life are no excuse for her behavior now - stand firm and shut her out. That's when they tend to come around.

Answer 6

You can help her by packing a bag, dropping it on the front porch with a note attached that reads; "Seeing how as you chose to conduct yourself in an independent manner good luck in the world".

By finding herself without a roof over her head may start her on her journey of "Why didn't I listen to my mother and father when I had it so good before this?".

By the way. haven't we all had hard times in our lives? What about you Mom? Was life duck-soup for you? I bet it wasn't. Yet...you managed to cope and survive. I don't buy this "Oh poor me I've had it tough" shitick. Tell her to grow up or get the hell out and see what life is really like.

Answer 7

18 years old and now you want to teach her. You should've smacked her silly at the first sign of disrespect. She is now legally an adult. Which means if she wants to disrespect you you only have two options. Lecture her or kick her the hell out. It sounds harsh but sometimes people need a hard swift kick in the *** as a reality check. And at 18 it may already be too late so you will need to take as harsh and drastic measure as possible.

Answer 8

get her to see a shrink to determine if she's depressed. some medication would help alter her base level. once she's even out a little, you can help her validate the things she's angry about. having your agreement for her feelings is really important. reasonability is something which returns as her ability to think more clearly returns. look into her aspirations and help her work at achieving it but let her do most of it. maybe you can help her plan or bet her a book on the subject. having something to work on that she likes or feels good about can become very absorbing. even if it fails, it won't be because she didn't give it everything she had. she could come out of it with a need to get better educated.

Answer 9

With respect, this is not the place to ask a question like that. From how you describe her, she needs to have professional help. Try a psychologist/analyst.

I have two kids, 20 and almost 14. Never a problem with either one of them, thank God. But kids are as good as you make them. So, again with respect, ask yourself what you need to change in your own life to help her change hers.

Good luck.

Answer 10

You've done your best. Now she is 18 and an adult. If she doesn't want to work with you, she can move out and get a place of her own. She'll learn very quickly that her attitude doesn't work and that the world is much less tolerant of it than you are. Tough love works, and it does it well.