We see our therapist seperately every-other-week alternating with each other plus our therapists. His therapist generally runs the show... We are simply there for general marital problems (no cheating, etc.). My main concern is that I am noticing my husband tells his therapist things that aren't true. He says I say things I didn't and that I react a certain way that I didn't. When we're all together he will argue with me, and I refuse to argue in front of people and don't want to make a scene. I feel like I need to be defending myself, especially when he says something that's not true and then cries about it! His therapist acts like I'm being cold or something, and argues with me. What should I do??
2006-06-26 05:01:47 · 15 answers · asked by J.Ahad 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for all your responses! A few of you suggested that he may be telling things that he perceives as true, and I agree. I have never veiwed him as a lier before. I "think" (maybe) that he believes what he is saying, and I know he exaggerates sometimes. If I do come to the conclusion that he's making crap up, I agree with the rest of you and I'd rather just get out now! We've only had 4 sessions, btw. Thanks a bunch!
2006-06-26 07:22:08 · update #1
What do you mean, you "refuse to argue in front of people and don't want to make a scene" ? YOU ARE IN COUNSELING!!!! You are SUPPOSED to be open there - open about how you feel and how you react ! How is the counselor supposed to really know and understand how the two of you interact (and who and what s/he can trust) if you hold back all prim and proper ?
Also - BTW - you are not "simply there" for general marital counseling. You are there to save your relationship and your marriage. This is serious business that takes a LOT of dedication and work. It is painful and introspective and exhausting. Holding back isn't doing anyone any good.
You need to be perfectly open with the therapist about how you feel - not only about what your husband says that is not true (but also about what he says that IS true) - but also about how you feel about your husband misrepresenting you. Indeed, you need to be up front and clear with your husband -- both in and out of counseling -- about what he is saying and how is misrepresents the facts. You will never save this marriage any other way.
2006-06-26 05:08:26 · answer #1 · answered by two 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Therapy only works if you tell the truth and not all therapists are smart or competent. I agree with the earlier posters. You're wasting your time in therapy. If your husband can't tell the truth, then it is time to see a divorce lawyer. You're just making yourself crazy prolonging a bad situation and the therapists are getting paid in the process. They have no incentive to get you to split. It's the opposite of seing a lawyer. You need to learn to recognize when you're hanging on to a thing that may not be worth saving. Think about it yourself and forget the therapist.
2006-06-26 12:23:31 · answer #2 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to defend yourself no matter where you are. He's taking advantage of you in this situation, and the lying should let you know that he has something up his sleeves. He sounds like a guy who's trying to get out of a marriage without being the one at fault. So, the time for you to have your side of the story heard in Now with the therapists as witnesses.
2006-06-26 12:13:28 · answer #3 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to object to every thing that you feel he is lying about, some things may be out right lies but there may be a number of issues that he feel he is telling the truth as he perceives them and those kind of feeling better understood can resolve some of the mixed messages you both have between yourselves. As for the lying he just needs to be put on the spot so he doesn't stretch the truth and perceive it in such a different light than you.
2006-06-26 12:09:08 · answer #4 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it that he's arguing with you or he's telling the story from his perspective?
Let's say he's not...I'm wondering how and why you know what's going on in his therapy sessions.
If your husband is playing games, I wonder how serious he is about therapy and the marriage. If he's so miserable, maybe you should take it as a sign.
2006-06-26 12:07:53 · answer #5 · answered by King H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well odviously he lies too much and you probably need to stop wasting your $$ on a therapist if he wont talk to him. And spend that $$ on a lawyer and a place of your own.
2006-06-26 12:08:28 · answer #6 · answered by Lauren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the money on your counellor is a waste. Maybe spend it on a good lawyer and get out.
2006-06-26 12:05:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to switch to a Divorce Attorney !
2006-06-26 12:06:38 · answer #8 · answered by Beaumeader 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously therapy isn't helping. Sad to say but I think it's time to move to the next step!
2006-06-26 12:05:00 · answer #9 · answered by squashpatty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are wastining your time with that therapist, either get a new one or tell your husband to quit the show or you are done
2006-06-26 12:31:22 · answer #10 · answered by mimismom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋