Is this proper etiquette or just rude. I was visiting my sister in another state and had a girlfriend with me. My sister also had a girlfriend with her, we all got together to go to Atlanta Market for a few days of shopping. We stayed the night with my sister for two nights. After our last day of shopping we made it back home to go out to eat at my sisters, her friend, and their husbands to a regular Wednesday night meal at their local restaurant. After dinner, my sisters husband picked up the tab for everyone at the table, and the table next to ours (which was his son, his sons girlfriend, and his sons friend), but did not pick up the tab for me and my friend. This really hurt my feelings because he has always paid for my meals whenever I visited my sister while at his home. He says since I had a friend with me and that was my guest, he felt it was not proper etiquette to pay for ours. I felt this was wrong as he paid for 7 meals. Money is not the issue, he could afford to pay
2006-06-26 04:50:51 · 12 answers · asked by deb1956 1 in Dining Out ➔ Other - Dining Out
No, my sister and I had not been arguing. She asked him at the table if he was going to pick up our tab. He said he picked up my sisters friend and her husband was because he used his truck to pick up items too big for our car while shopping. He paid for his son because he said that was his son. (He also while at the table, gave his son money from his shirt pocket, just givning and giving), I thought this was a bit rude. I thought it was for him to buy his dinner until the tab was paid for by my brother in law. My sister loves company and asks that I come more often because it makes her happy. When my sister visits my husband and I never let her pay for dining out. Staying at each others homes is not an issue. I just want to know if this was proper etiquette in his actions or was this an exception to the rule? My friend and I only slept at my sisters house, we stayed in a motel for 1 night. We left from my sisters house for Atlanta. They did not feed us at all.
2006-06-27 03:17:54 · update #1
Since he was paying for every other guest I think it would have been proper to pay for yours as well. I think he was a bit rude about that. If you have to pay for yourself and your friend because she was there then his son should of had to pay for himself, his girlfriend and his friend, AND the other friend should have paid for herself and her husband. When it's confusing like that then everybody should just pay for themselves. Go Dutch!
2006-06-26 05:09:42 · answer #1 · answered by Fexy 1 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Yes, the right thing for him to do is cover the remaining two guests who happens to be girls. If you had been guys, the guys should have offered to pay. If money is not the issue, maybe he felt you have been getting enough free meals during your two day stay with a friend. Since, it's done and over with, don't make a big deal with the brother-in-law.
The next time time someone welcomes you into their home (even if it is family and she might be the older sister), it might be nice that you treat the whole family to a meal (lunch/dinner). If that is too much $ for you, make sure it is the cheaper meal restaurant or treating their kids to lunch/dinner is a nice gesture. If still that is too much $ for you, treating kids to an ice-cream should do. Or offer to pay half of the bill or split amongst the guests, especially if you have a guest with you. Do it without asking or making a big deal out of treating them. We can't be bunking and eating for free at someone else's house and not pay them back.
2006-06-26 12:51:31 · answer #2 · answered by kate 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Proper etiquette would have have been for you to take them out to dinner - you came to their house with a friend and, in thanks for the hospitality, your payment for their meal was the way to go. Now that would have been a bit hard, given the number of people dining, so it was a tough call. In the alternative, you should have clearly made an offer to pay for your meal and that of your friend - without waiting to see if your brother-in-law was going to pick up the tab.
You brother-in-law was socially improper when he picked up the tab for everybody EXCEPT you and your friend - picking up the tab is picking up the tab. Now he could have picked up the tab for just family, but the fact that he picked up the tab for your sister's friend and HER husband pretty much tells another story and my guess is that your sister and brother-in-law feel you have taken advantage of their hospitality.
And you may well have. I suspect you have. You should not be "hurt" that he did not pay - you were not entitled, but you do need to do two things: one, engage your sister in a heart-to-heart talk about this (without you being a victim but rather with you wanting to make amends for taking advantage of their hospitality) and two, send a wonderful housegift with a thank you note for your stay. (And get your friend to send one, too.)
2006-06-26 12:02:09 · answer #3 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should have paid for u and ur friend...that was definatley rude! Especially since he picked up the tab for ur sisters friend and her husband....your his wife's sister. Don't listen to the rest of these people. Any time I have gone out to dinner with either of my sisters and their husbands...the husband has always paid..and I ALWAYS offer to.
2006-06-26 11:55:06 · answer #4 · answered by It'sMe23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he didn't want to pay for a strangers meal. You shouldn't feel that it is his responsibility to pay (ya know don't assume) To avoid all of this commotion just always insist on paying for your own meals.
He didn't want to be taken advantage of. And I say if you were staying with them, YOU should have offered to pick up thier meal as I'm assuming you had a free place to stay??
2006-06-26 11:58:06 · answer #5 · answered by Robsthings 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I'm sorry you had to deal with that!
Personally, I don't ever expect someone to pay for my meal. I come fully prepared to pay for my own, and wait for the surprise. It would have been nice, but he didn't have to pay for anyone's meal, except for his own, your sister's, and his son's. Everyone else was optional.
2006-06-26 12:41:20 · answer #6 · answered by Rock Goddess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was pretty rude and quite intentional. Did you all have an argument the last time you were in town? Or have you done something to upset him? He knew exactly what he was doing, and he knew it would piss you off. Consider talking to your sister.
2006-06-26 13:33:06 · answer #7 · answered by Gia S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, that is rude. Normally if you're just out with friends, you pay for yourself; but if someone is going to pay for everyone, you better damn well pay for everyone and not leave anybody out, regardless of your relationship with them. It's just rude.
2006-06-26 11:54:25 · answer #8 · answered by psykhaotic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If money is no issue, then what's the problem?
2006-06-26 11:55:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he should have paid for you.
2006-06-26 11:56:14 · answer #10 · answered by chrome_rider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋