Should I come out to my best friend, who i am also attracted to?

Question

Yeah im pretty much in the biggest crap whole i can think of... im not exactly sure im 100% gay, maybe bisexual. Another thing that complicates this is that i currently have a girlfriend.... we've been together for over 2 years and i really don't know what to do.. But every time im with my friend i tend to completely forget about her.. i feel horrible and definately need some advice.. thanks everyone

Answer 1

Wow. I think you should open the discussion in reference to homosexuality with your friend first to gauge a reaction. If you feel like the reaction is positive, go from there. Unfortunately, you need to discuss this a.s.a.p. with your girlfriend, she may already know, but just refuses to accept what's right in front of her. She's your biggest issue first.

Answer 2

As others have written, you owe it to your girlfriend to let her know. One way to get the ball rolling might be to watch "Brokeback Mountain" with the 2 of them. You could see their reactions, and maybe even start a conversation about it. If that's not your thing, a simple conversation with your girlfriend is best. Make sure that you let her know that you are still the same person, and that you will always love her, but not in a sexual way. Now that you like guys, hopefully she will support your honesty with her, by remaining your friend. If she doesn't, then she is not a true friend.
Now for the "best friend"... you know better than anyone...does he have a girlfriend? If he does, continue your relationship as it is... do NOT make a move on him or you may spoil what you already have. You cannot make a straight guy turn gay, nor can you make a gay guy turn straight, regardless of what people say. If he does not have a girlfriend, you may have a chance. "They" say, that only about 10% of the world is exclusively straight and 10% is exclusively gay with everyone else fitting somewhere in between. So the odds are in your favor. I would love to give you some ideas, but it would be better in private e-mail than on here.
Anyway, even if you never get a chance at him, there are plenty of guys out there, and in time, you'll find the right one...

Answer 3

I was in the same boat a few years back. I was 16, and I had the hottest buddy...I would fantasize about him endlessly.. the best thing you can do is come to terms with yourself first. I don't recommend dumping your girl before you do that will make things worse on you and possibly the whole group you hang with, putting you in a bad light. When you can look in to a mirror and say to yourself that you are Gay, str8, bi, trans, what ever then that is the time to act. I was lucky that my bud was able to take it in stride and nothing changed..well for a while he was a little afraid of telling gay jokes thinking I would be offended! (BTW I love a good gay joke) I am now 25 yo and still call him one of my best friends, what ever you do, do not make a move on him!

Answer 4

A lot has to do with your age.... Are you a teenager? If you are not sure, you might want to back off your g/f a little. If it turns out you're gay, you would be doing her a great injustice by letting her think you love her. Get out there and meet some new people.Call the local gay hotline. Talk to other gay guys. See if you are comfortable around them. It is important to be true to yourself, but don't hurt anybody in the process. Be careful. Go meet people. Have fun.

Answer 5

Well I am going to tell you this. I was married to a women and then we got divorced because I just was not happy at all. I thought I was also Bi but now i am gay and I feel so much better. I would have to say you should break up with your girlfriend. Tell your friend you are gay but i would not say you are attracted to him right away after telling him you are gay.

Answer 6

You should definately tell your best friend about your feelings that you may be bi or gay. Also, try to leave the attracted to him part of it out of that conversation. You can bring that up later, if necessary.
Your friend may feel betrayed if he thinks that you harbored secret sexual feelings about him-And rightly so. Friendship and romantic relationships should have distinct boundaries.
Are you attracted to other men? Or, just your friend? It's possible that the you just have a lot of love for your friend and it's overwhelming. Don't act on it.

Answer 7

hang on.....how does your best friend not know about your girlfriend of over 2 years?? if you are a guy, and thinking about telling your best friend(guy) that you are attracted to him, you might have problems!! if you are in a relationship with a woman, then obviously your best friend thinks your straight.....you might want to start bringing up the whole gay conversation in front of your best friend and see how he reacts before you spring something like this on him...and what about your girl? she deserves some kind of respect too!! whatever you decide, be gentle with it.....heck, you don't even know if you are gay or even bisexual.

Answer 8

Never ruin a friendship because you want to get with that person. Keep him as your best friend and find a boyfriend. Relationships don't last anyway so you will loose a best friend. Do the smart thing. There is someone else out there for you.

Answer 9

first , end your relationship with your girlfriend , no one deserves to be in her position, and the last, thing you want is to play with other people feelings , so end it then stand alone , until you figure out what is that you want , now as far as coming out out to your best friend , yes i think you should that while put things into perspective, plus you see how does he react to the whole thing NOW UNLESS, HE SPECIFICALY TELLS YOU THAT HE HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU, THEN HES DOES NOT , THERFORE, THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS TO GET AWAY FROM HIM , OTHERWISE , YOU WILL END UP HURT and he probably will end up become a homophobic so there is no need for that ,once youfind yourself (go out meet new people, gay ), then after you are totaly sure you have no feelings for him whatsoever , you can try to resume the friendship , but always keeping your distance
Best of luck to you my friend, if you want you can email me and tell me how things are going , i will be happy to talk you about and be there if you need someto talk to

Answer 10

i once knew an Adam and he had a girl friend but couldn't resist a go with me. now it's been about ten years since i last seen him and have recently met him. i am not sure what influence if any i had on him as i am 9 years older but he is the kinkiest guy I've ever met. it's like i might have created a monster. however having said all that, why not maybe your friend already suspects anyway. if not you might consider your relationship with him.