It's been 4 yrs. since I've had sex. Going through a long divorce. I have been out of the dating loop so long, I'm terrified. How do I erase all the bad memories and maybe someday find love.
2006-06-26 03:33:18 · 15 answers · asked by momprotect 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For me it's been 9 years. Then I met a man on line that I have known in the past.. through a friend I knew for 30 years. That did it for me.
But throughout most of them 9 years, I did counseling, reading, learning all I can about abuse, went to church every Sunday, and got 'strong' again.
You have to go to counseling to learn why you let any man abuse you to begin with. If you don't listen to this advice, you 'will' end up in the 'same' relationship, only with a different man. 5 years of counseling girl. Been there done that.. i was sooo angry at my ex for making me have to go through counseling for that long.
it's not only them, it's us cause we were weak and allowed it to happen.
2006-06-26 03:53:11 · answer #1 · answered by Jas 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot erase the bad memories but you can let go of them. Pain and suffering has been your comfort zone and you might push away people that are not going to abuse you just because you are afraid that they are going to.
You have to do a lot of work healing and letting go and trying to give it a shot again. Start slow and the most important thing is that YES! You are worth of respect and love.
The bad memories will always be there but you can replace it with good ones. Therapy works to vent all that and take it out of your heart so you don;t drag all that baggage into a new relationship. It's tempting to go back to the old habits because it's all that you have known, that's why you have to be determined to let go of all that and start from scratch. It will be hard to trust again and you will feel awkward dating at first because the dating game has changed since the last time that you dated. Don;t give your heart away to the first one that comes your way and don;t settle for less than you deserved, you already know better than that.
Good luck to you!
2006-06-26 03:41:33 · answer #2 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Erase the bad memories - you can't. However, you can deal with them day by day, minute by minute until they get easier and you don't let them get the better of you. Look at it like this, if you don't move on he wins and you lose. Don't let him take that away from you. You have a right to love and be loved in return from someone who deserves you. It's hard, but use your past as a stepping stone not a crutch and don't make the next man pay for what the previous one did to you. It'll take some adjusting, but with time and a little effort you'll find love again and you'll see all that bad stuff just doesn't matter anymore. They say if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. I believe that, speaking from personally experience with a bad past. I used it as a way to move forward and I won't let it hold me back from anything I want.
2006-06-26 03:41:36 · answer #3 · answered by Gigi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you are feeling. It's not easy to trust again and we build many walls because of the scars that have been left on our heart that never truly go away. Now is a great time to focus on you and improving yourself.......becoming stronger within and deciding how you can strengthen traits that were damaged during your marriage. We don't ever ever erase the bad memories. They are a part of us. And some of the things that have happened carry over into our new relationships.But, believe me, when that man comes along, who truly loves you, he will be so understanding and renew your faith in love. You will love even stronger than most people because you will cherish the relationship................because of the memories that we can never erase. Take baby steps. Go out with friends that are males first. Ones that you feel safe with. Then start dating.......safe dates...baseball games etc. After awhile you will feel more comfortable.
2006-06-26 03:48:13 · answer #4 · answered by heartwhisperer2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ITs hard to get something like that out of your mind. What you need to do is give yourself a huge pat on the back and getting out of the relationship, that is a huge step! Its also hard to get back into the dating thing too. But just be yourself, join a local gym, meet up with other singles through church, read your local newspaper to see if there are anything ( I am sure that there are tons!!) for singles to mingle with. By doing all these as time goes by I am sure that maybe you will have Everything earsed. Best of luck to you.
2006-06-26 03:38:41 · answer #5 · answered by colinsmom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you can......but it is going to be hard for you to trust other man specially when they say they feel something like love towards you.....but this time try to learn and keep the relationship go slow.....i know you have not have sex for a long time, and that may put a pressure on you, if you find a handsome guy....that might be a little bit more a pressure to you....but remember that now days, the mayority of men, just want sex.....and if you have a nice body......they will try to reach you by that means.....they are looking and wanting your body not your person as what you are......so be carefull......best thing to do is get to know the person first.....for a year or two or more.....by finding out what he likes, what he does, what does he do when he is not working, what kind of sports does he likes, where does he shop, how does he behaves before women, before men, and together....ask him questions like, what would you do if we run out of money, or we get into a tight financial situation how would you handle it, and with question like this ones, you can bring out whatever he has in his heart, meaning his deepest motives, acts, deeds, thoughts, reasons......anyway i think that this advice can help you in some areas and hopefully you will find your right guy.....try to get a bible study.....also, to get a closer relationship with God, my suggestion is to get in touch with Jehovah's Witness, for a bible study......to help you get a well mate for you....for eternaty...
2006-06-26 03:49:51 · answer #6 · answered by israelmoya20 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anything is possible but you have to worry about yourself before you can try to have someone else in your life. Been through it myself and counseling it the best thing for you. You will learn to deal with all of the issue first that way when the right one does come along you don't scare them off with your pent up fears of the past. Good Luck!
2006-06-26 03:46:09 · answer #7 · answered by okbecster 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i aint one to have a great relationship either but i belive that the best way to get over a horrible B A S T A R D like that is to move on and find someone knew i think that you should just go for it and maybe get some counsuling because it really works.! if you need someone to talk to my yahoo name youknowiamfine just add me or something and we can talk.! *__*
2006-06-26 03:38:35 · answer #8 · answered by uknoimfine j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest you can't blame all men for what one man did! I use to be like that myself and it left me closed to eople that were true to me now that I've been open I have a good man and I'm engaged to be married so things that apply to some don't apply to all.
2006-06-26 03:37:18 · answer #9 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey, there are millions of men out there, many are decent, many have the same problem you do. What you should do is the exact opposite of what you did to get the first guy, hopefully you arent one of those chicks who like the drama and all.
2006-06-29 07:29:39 · answer #10 · answered by thale138 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋