He says he thinks about it all the time (BDSM) like different ways to tie me up and other things he'd like to do to me, and uses the computer whenever he's alone. Once in a while I let him do those things, but I'm not into that stuff and it doesn't turn me on, also sometimes it hurts. I've tried to be accomodating to what he's into, letting him know that just cuz I'm not into it, doesn't mean I think he's a freak (he spent many years before me thinking he wasn't normal because of it). We've been together 3 years and only recently has this become a problem. He says his only been this obsessed about it for about a month, that before then it was only like twice a month (which I kinda knew before and was fine with since I have my own things I'm into and would indulge in on the net about that often as well). But I don't know what to do now, it's excessive. He wants to get help. I'm scared that this is going to ruin our marriage, and that he won't be able to change, even though he wants to.
2006-06-26 03:04:58 · 12 answers · asked by Aimee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The first rule is to not let him do anything to you that you do not approve of. It's fine if you accomodate him at times, but only if you are comfortable with it. If he tries anything that makes you uncomfortable, do not let him get away with it.
Concerning his "addiction", it sounds like it's fueling his interest instead of satiating it. With that said, it does sound like there is a rough road ahead. Obviously this is something that needs to come out into the open and soon. (I mean a real serious talk, maybe in a consuling session.)
Finally, I'm glad that you are not perceiving this as something amoral in him, because it's not. The urges are there and that will change over time. As long as you are comfortable with what he does with those urges, things should be fine. It sounds like you're afraid that you may be uncomfortable at some point in the near future. That's what consuling and openness will have to work on.
2006-07-02 10:12:50 · answer #1 · answered by Ѕємι~Мαđ ŠçїєŋŧιѕТ 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Actually there is nothing wrong with his fetish...we all have our kinks...i am a dominatrix myself ad i am married to a perfectly normal man ( he also has a bit of a Dom in him). If it bothers you though and you can't get into it ....bare in mind that at one point in your marriage he will go and ' get his fix of bdsm' from someone that can accommodate.
If you think you can deal with that when the time will come ( and trust me it will) then you're good to go if not...i think you might want to reconsider marrying him.
2006-06-26 03:57:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The big question is, do you want to stay in the marriage? If you are willing to love him for who he is then you will do everything that you can to try and help him. If that means him going to get help then so be it. You also have to have faith in him that he will change. You can't look on the negative side and only that. Think positive and be by his side every step of the way.
2006-06-26 03:17:34 · answer #3 · answered by Queenmeupscottie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Internet porn is a real addiction. If he is admitting it to you, he is either seeking your permission to continue or your help in ending it. It sounds like the latter, since you are unhappy. I would approach it this way. Do not just turn your back on him -- give him a chance to escape from it.
2006-06-26 03:13:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean my husband was/is into midget porn and beastiality. It bothered me soo much that i would nag , and nag, and check the computer. He got tired of me hounding him and left , moved out i was mad at first but then i felt a huge rush of relif and freedom. It was consuming my life worrying about him like that i felt so much better when I didn't have to see hear or know about it. We have a better relationship now that he is out of the house
2006-06-26 04:06:11 · answer #5 · answered by Negrita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with him liking this fetish as long as it is not compulsive or interfering with his normal daily life and your marriage. If it is then he does need to seek professional help. It will only ruin your marriage if you both let it.
2006-06-26 03:13:24 · answer #6 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this may sound wierd. but pretend you wanan watch it to and act all excited about it. when he sees you wanna watch it to mayeb it will turn him off and wont wanna watch it anymore.
2006-06-26 03:08:58 · answer #7 · answered by eusuntanynohmooos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want the marriage to last then seek counseling, group or individual
2006-06-26 03:12:35 · answer #8 · answered by nickiey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah,i think that is wrong and you should file fr divorce.but its really not my business,anyway.i think that you should listen to your heart.
2006-06-26 03:10:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well maybe get rid of the internet in your home.
2006-06-26 03:36:15 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋