My mother-in-law has hated me from the start, and i've tried to deal with it but my husbands grandmother recently died and she told him I wasn't welcome to come to the funeral which is a huge slap in the face. My sister-in-law has been my best friend for 10 years (which is how I met my husband) and suddenly she just doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I don't know what's happened but it's driving me crazy. I feel she should at least talk to me about it. She used to act as a buffer between me and her mother but now my mother-in-law says whatever she wants and my sister-in-law won't defend me. I'm sick of the insults and the backstabbing but I love my husband. How can I go on without this straining our marriage?
2006-06-26 02:18:46 · 25 answers · asked by Dani 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
That is really rough. If your sister-in-law has been a friend for 10 years, start with her. Ask her out to dinner, just the two of you, and really lay it on the line and ask what it is that has changed so much between the two of you.
I can't imagine what could have happened to make the mother-in-law so angry as to say you weren't welcome to a funeral of someone in the family.
Distance yourself emotionally as much as possible. Try to get some answers from the sister-in-law. Remember that you are married to your husband, not the in-law's.
Good Luck
2006-06-26 02:20:21 · answer #1 · answered by MoMattTexas 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all don't try to respond. Their hate isn't rooted in logic or even empathy so you won't make it any better.
Obviously your best friend and her mother has some problems with you marrying her brother. The nature of your relationship with them changed and they are having a hard time dealing with it.
The best thing to do at this point is to make sure that your husband backs you up. He should be made to know that this is a real problem (don't let him get away with dismissing it out-of-hand--it is a problem for you so it is a problem for me) and make sure he understands he needs to back you up 100%. Once his family sees that he is serious about backing you up I'm sure they will come down, at least a little bit.
And that's all you can hope for right now.
2006-06-26 09:24:27 · answer #2 · answered by PermDude 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well thats a tough situation that your in right now. Chances are the reason your sister-in-law isnt talking to your is because of your mother-in-law. The way I would go about it is to call your mother-in-law out and ask her to talk to you, or better yet ask her to go out for a cup of coffee or something. Then id confront her and tell her, Listen im married to your son there is nothing that you can do about it, he loves me and I love him.We may as well solve are problems because we cant continue going on like this I love your son and the way your treating me is unfair. So really just come to an understanding with her. Even if she doesnt go for it atleast your the better person for having tried.
2006-06-26 09:27:52 · answer #3 · answered by Lauren M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell your husband, he has to deal with it but do not make him feel torn between people that he loves, try to deal with it yourself first . Don't let them bully you. I had a similar problem but after ten years they got the point that I'm not going anywhere. As long as you are satisfying you man and he has no complaints, you are fine. Do not let them outcast you from any other family activities have your own identity make sure the other members of the family know you and make them love you for the person you are.
2006-06-26 10:06:48 · answer #4 · answered by krazy-confused 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sister, according to The Bible, when a man marries, he leaves his parents, and forms a new family with his wife (and their children). The two of you are now AS ONE. So where is your husband in this situation?
Ideally, it should have made it clear from the beginning that YOU are now his family, and his parents (and siblings) have to learn to live with that and be civil to you, if they can't be gracious.
If you aren't welcome in their home and lives -- then neither is he. Because to "accept" him, and not you, is actually to treat him as a child, and disregard his right to make his own decisions and live his own life.
Forget about your mother-in-law and sister-in-law -- you need to work a few things out with your husband.
2006-06-26 09:28:49 · answer #5 · answered by mother_jazz 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that if someone doesnt like you, thats their perrogative. However you have to let your husband handle his family and make sure that they respect you at the very least. The funeral situation though, it seems like your mother in law made it about her and really she needs to grow up a bit. Your husband should say that.
2006-06-26 09:20:58 · answer #6 · answered by boomerang3que 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down! Tell your husband what's going on and how you feel. If he loves you he will support you and make the effort to make your in laws shut the f**k up. And you need to talk to those biatches and straight up ask what their problem with you is. Maybe they heard rumors about you or there are things you do that cause them to dislike you. Just ask! If that doesn't work then ask your husband to do the dirty work. You shouldn't have to suffer for loving someone and neither should he. If it comes down to it and you can't seem to fix it, then he may have to choose between you and them.
2006-06-26 09:24:53 · answer #7 · answered by gabby 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
2 hell with all of them u dont live 4 them u live 4 yourself and your family if they want to act like a**holes so be it u dont kiss nobody's a** there are more serious issues to deal with than them tell your hubby look i love u but i refuse to kiss ans suck up to them u dont need them they dont pay your bills or put food on your table girl u walk with your head high and proud and tell hubby if they cant respect u than they cant come overto your home either it was a slap in the face about the funeral but say a silent pray for her and u go and live your life to the fullest and enjoy those b**** need some d***
2006-06-26 09:30:47 · answer #8 · answered by teresa d 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why should you have to DEAL with anyone. If you and your husband are happy, thats what should matter. You try to reach out to people and be close but thats all you can do. You cannot force them to do the same. I have brothers that is never there for me as a brother should, and I have friends the are closer to me than my Brothers. I treat my friend more like a brother and my brother's more like friends. I say this: I DON'T LIKE NOBODY WHO DON'T LIKE ME! No matter who you are. I treat you the way you treat me. and thats that.
2006-06-26 09:49:46 · answer #9 · answered by D-guy H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, done that!! Just be as nice as you can be when you talk to them. If you feel your self getting angry and don't think that you can hold it in accuse yourself to the bathroom for a few. Sooner or later they will realize that they are the only ones being rude. They will back off. Good luck!
2006-06-26 09:22:05 · answer #10 · answered by onefootnaked 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋