Should I stay or leave if you were in my shoes?

Question

Man, I've been married for 5 years have two kids, one stepchild, and one bioligical. My wife and I are not close intimately anymore. I have a real high sex drive, my wife the opposite. I tried to suggest her some prescription to enhance the libido, she doesn't want to try it. I feel like as a man and a human being, I should never desert my family over my own pleasures! I have a daughter that needs her father no matter what to be present in her life(biological) everyday of her life. I know also that I turn my head when I see a woman I'm attracted to as well. Wondering if I can find my sexual desire that I've been looking for with a stranger lady. Which shows that I'm not satisfied sexually, but as a married man and a religous person of God it's wrong to cheat. I don't really want to lose my marriage to sex, but naturally God made me sexually active at a high level. Help me out on this one, please somebody!?!?

Answer 1

There's nothing wrong with being sexual and expecting it in your marriage. It is a necessary part of a marriage. But you shouldn't consider cheating or leaving. Of course since you don't' feel satisfied, you may turn your head at other women, but please.....cheating isn't the answer. You vowed better or worse.....for now this is the"worse" and can be fixed if you get to the root of the problem. For a woman, there's probably a reason for low sex drive, probably something in the relationship. Together, you both need to get to the bottom of the problem. Medication may not be the answer for your wife. Be patient and help her. Find therapy, it does help. Don't make her feel like there's something wrong with her, cause it's normal.....and if she feels bad it'll make the problem worse. Make her feel like you'll stick with her through this until things get better......that's what a marriage is. It's hard, but if you run every time there's a problem, you'll never hold a relationship together. Do NOT cheat. think of the future.....do you want your family to say one day, "yeah, he left cause he wasn't getting enough sex". You deserve a good sexual relationship, but it's BOTH your problems, not just your wife's.

Answer 2

I have been married for the last 5 yrs to a wonderful man with a very low sex drive. I am a nympho, so I am in a similar situation. What I had to is fina an outlet for the sexual tension that has built up, so now I walk for 2-3 hours a day, while i walk i reflect on our sex life and how it use to be. Then i realise how far i have walked, so it takes longer for me to get home. But i dont look at other men due to the fact I do love my husband. If you want to stay married to your wife, then you need to find your way of releasing that sexual tension in you. Otherwise You'll be in an even bigger mess. Good Luck and God bless.

Answer 3

I am proud of you for wanting to do the right thing and stick with your wife, however do not do it only for the kids. If you could fast forward in time and speak to your adult children they would not want you to be unhappy just for their sake. However, I do encourage you to try and work things out with your wife, you do love her still or you wouldn't be looking for advice on how to make it work. One thing you must realize and take into account is that your wife is probably exhausted! You need to sit down outside the bedroom preferably not even in your house and discuss this. Do not blame her, tell her concerned about the future of your relationship, put an emphasis on that it is not only sexual but also your concerns about how you aren't as close anymore. You might be suprised that she has the same concerns. She may be afraid of what's to come also. Making her feel bad or defensive about this will only make things worse. This is a very sensitive issue approach it as such. She probably feels guilty that she can't satisfy your needs.
When was the last time you held your wife with no expectations of sex, just to hold her and comfort her? Make an effort, kick in with the housework, give her a day to do what she wants while you watch the kids, hire a babysitter and make her supper. Even if you can't go on a romantic get-away you can afford to hire a babysitter to take the kids for a day. Draw her a bubble bath, pour her some champagne and let her relax while you make her a favorite dish. She will appreciate it. Best of luck.

Answer 4

That is hard. I am like that with my fiance but opposite. I have a very high sex drive while he doesn't. I love him no matter what and that is what makes me stay with him. You shouldn't ruin your marriage for sex. I understand you are very sexually active....maybe masturbating more will help!?! I am so glad that you are NOT cheating...that would make things worse.
I would talk to your wife because there might be a reason she isn't sexually active. Maybe depressed, upset at something. Maybe she is self conscious. Maybe you need to romance her. Try a few things to get her in the mood.
If you really love her....you will find a way to stay with her.

Answer 5

I suggest that you try to find ways to help her show her love for you in a different ways. Find out what makes her all nice and warm and wet then do that as a special treat for when she's stressed out or not feeling the love from you or the world, for that matter.
Also, I had a family member that was that way, she was not interested in sex because she felt he was coming on too strong. There's nothing wrong with masturbation.
For myself, I had a high libido but now it has calmed down, due to kids and school, but usually finding out what my hot spot is will do it, in my case bdsm. Just telling you that, so that you will be prepared for anything that might be out of the ordinary.

Answer 6

How do you rate yourself romantically? Because women don't just want sex, they want romance too! They also want to feel loved and cared for.
If you just complain to your wife about her not giving in as much as you want, then your wife will do the opposite and she won't reciprocate.
Ask yourself these questions. When was the last time you told her that she was beautiful? When was the last time you swept her off her feet? When was the last time you told her "I love you"? When was the last time you gave her an affectionate kiss in public? When was the last time you held her in your arms and told her that you cared about her? When was the last time you held her hand in public or when you were strolling in the park or the mall? When was the last time you cooked her nice candlelight romantic dinner? If you can't cook a romantic dinner, cook macaroni and cheese and serve it with 2 candles, 1 rose, 2 glasses of wine- another man did this for his wife and she loved it!
These are some of the many examples you can do for your wife to spice things up in your relationship. Even if it's not your nature to do any of these things, sometimes you have to do things OUT of your nature for things to work out! When women feel loved and cared for, they REWARD their men in a lot of ways.

Also, just because you look at other women doesn't help the relationship. It doesn't solve your problem. The other women you look at are probably in relationships too and they have their own problems and their own baggage. If you left your wife for another woman, you will encounter the same problems- you would still have to work on your relationship because every relationship takes work.
So focus your time and your energy on your wife and make her feel like she's the only one on earth.

Answer 7

Not everyone has the same sex drive, but in marriage, you should learn to accomodate eachother. I would suggest marriage counseling. Don't leave because of sex. That's a bit selfish. I would even venture to say that... i think something might have happened to your wife at some point (rape, sexual abuse as a child, etc) that has givin her negative feelings toward sex. She may need to work on her own issues.

Answer 8

This is "stinking thinking" and you need to get it under control. Your mind runs on sex all the time because you let it. You are a family man and a godly man, not a philanderer. Nothing in the marriage vows guarantees sexual satisfaction. Pray for the strength to leave this corrupt thinking behind and devote all your mind and all your heart to your family.

Answer 9

It is commendable that you have your moral values, please do not cheat on your wife.
Romance your wife more, do little things for her..depression can lower a woman libido. Take this sexual energy you have a put into pleasing your wife in other ways. it may arouse her.
Ask your wife what she wants. Put the ball in her court. Then you may have your answer. Con't to pray about this matter, and stay faithful to her.
Best of luck to you and your family, hope it all works out.

Answer 10

This is really a difficult one. Your family is important for you and morality as well. Keep it up. You're a good person, don't change. Don't cheat on your wife if you still love her. However I think you need to tell her how important this issue is for you. You need to make her aware of the seriousness of the situation. Plead for her understanding. If she loves you she will change when she knows how serious the situation is.

In no case however lose your virtue or goodness. I admire you because you are a good person. Keep on loving your family as you do.