for married people-what are the "sexual politics" in your relationship? do they help or hurt the relationship

Question

Is there a point when it becomes too complicated to keep each other pleased? Feelings get hurt, insecurity sets in, performance changes for the worse or better, drive goes up and down, and frustration sets in. Does asking for what you want or communicating to each other things that "work" or"dont' work" cause problems or help in the bedroom?

Answer 1

What I find most interesting about this very good question is the tem "politics." That's exactly what marriage is, politics! How do you meet the needs of your partner and have your needs met in return!? Is it possible? The interesting thing about political figures is they tell you what you want to hear to get voted into office, and then they seldom if ever deliver! Relationships are much the same way, we're all guilty of it, portraying what you want the other person to see, what you think they want to hear, and then once your married,.....it's out the window. Then the true colors come shinning through! What happened to the amazing man or women I fell in love with?? We ask ourselves scratching our heads.........we bought what we wanted to see, not what really is! Perhaps we don't change so much once we're married? Perhaps we just turn into who we really are, then we're insulted when we're not well received, or worse, we feel betrayed by what we have received!?
I think this is the situation when asking for what you want or communicating what does or does not work, becomes an issue, because you're already feeling betrayed and or critisized, so it's hard to be open to critisizim.
I guess it would help if both parties were completely open and dedicated to keeping it going regardless of their own isecurities, needs or ego's!? My experience has been no results, and only more pain..... So I don't know!? Is honesty always the best policy, or is it what they don't know wont hurt them? Must we play games in marriage in order to succeed? I don't know....
I spent my whole life looking forward to having the love of my life as my life long companion in marriage, and what I've discovered about being married, is that I've never felt more alone!

I'm not sure if any of this really answers the question's at hand, or if it's only triggered more questions!? But I appreciate your intellect, and thought process and thank you for inspiring my own inquisitive rant.....
..
U

Answer 2

The biggest problem with married couples is the whole "well if you really knew me you'd know what I like" routine. That doesn't work, unless you've married a mind reader. Communication is the biggest key to any relationship. We all change as we grow older, so how would your partner know that what worked in the past doesn't work now if you don't tell them? To open your lines of communication would alleviate the stress and other points you've made pretty much obsolete. It will even renew your relationship and make you feel freer than you have felt in years! You'll probably feel like you did when you were dating. Good luck!

Answer 3

Initially we got the politics out of the way!! We both communicate with each other our likes and dislikes and we have built it from there. We both like it WILD sometimes and at other times, very tender......its always different to keep it spiced up . It is always passionate!!! Communication is always best....

Answer 4

I would much rather have her communicate with me as opposed to wanting something and NOT saying something. I feel like you find out how important a person is to you when you ask for something thats within their power and see if they will or wont do it for you.

Answer 5

We have no politics. As far as asking for what I want...... that does nothing but help.