he took my dummy tire out of my new car and put it on hers, they call each other all the time after having no contact at all for a few years, his child support to her is being stopped there son age 17 lives with us since may27 2006 they fought till june 13th cause of mediation and now they are in constant contact , she sent him a card to thank him to our home with her address on it knowing I would get the mail.
2006-06-26 00:00:44 · 16 answers · asked by Patti T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
they havent let go of each other..sorry
i did the same thing..bad mistake on my behalf..lost both of them.
either let it take its coyrse or lay down the rules. good luck :)
2006-06-26 00:06:59 · answer #1 · answered by jstr12001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, they are not hiding this friendship so why are you so worried? (By the way, it's a "spare" tire - not a "dummy.") These two people fell in love at one time and they had a child together - they are - and always will be - connected. Just because child support has ceased, it doesn't mean parenting has ceased. There are the challenges of college, wedding(s), and the births and lives of the grandchildren still to come. Some people make better friends then they do lovers or spouses - your husband and his ex may well fall into this category. Maybe they have grown up a little since the divorce - and have achieved exactly that which mediation is supposed to achieve - a harmony. Don't be the cause of its downfall - be supportive. You will be better served by including his ex in your lives - welcoming her - than you will be excluding her and insisting he do so as well. (You would only be asking for trouble between you and your husband.) Someone famous said "keep your friends close; your enemies closer" - which is not exactly what I would hope for your attitude, but if it works, use it.
2006-06-26 07:11:04 · answer #2 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, first off, I wouldn't be overly thrilled if my husband took the spare tire out of my car to put onto his ex's car...regardless of the situation. That's kind of an odd one.
But as for having contact with each other, they have a kid. It isn't out of the realm of possibility. My ex and I have a kid and are better friends now than we ever were when we were a couple. My new husband is totally okay with this. He knows he has nothing to worry about and is pretty secure in our relationship. That, and my ex and I had a HORRIBLE relationship and were absolutely awful to each other.
Afterall, an ex is an ex for a reason. Nasty break-ups or divorces rarely lead to reconciliation. Especially several years after the fact.
Also, the "thank-you" card may have been her way of apologizing for being such a snatch to him in the past. Take the high road on this one. With a kid involved, (yeah, he's a teenager, but he's still a kid), it's always better to be the bigger person.
It wouldn't hurt to talk with your husband about how you feel in the situation. He may be utterly blind to how this affects you. (A lot of guys are oblivious in situations like this.) I've always kind of had this rule: If something bothers me and I don't tell someone, it's my fault if it happens again. But if I tell them and they continue to do it, then there's something wrong with the situation.
Even though your husband *should* know that some of his behavior is off, he probably isn't aware that it's such a big deal to you. Share with him how you feel about it. Then, if he blows it off or still appears to be putting his ex before you, start looking into marriage counseling. That would show me that maybe my husband's priorities aren't where they should be and are in dire need of adjusting.
Good luck!
2006-06-26 07:15:28 · answer #3 · answered by Bob S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ex hates your guts, did you steal him away from her? I bet you did, didn't you?
She fought with him all these years because she knew it would make your life with him miserable.
Then she allows her son to come live with you because she knows it will be an imposition on your privacy
She calls him all the time and probably was the one to ask why doesn't he use the spare from your car since your car is new and wont need it. because she knew it would annoy you.
She sends him cards because she knows you will intercept them and it will drive you nuts.
She is clever too, never saying anything to your face or challenging you, she just undermines you very carefully and successfully may I add.
Are you seeing a pattern here?
Two choices:
1)You are the wife, now that he no longer has to do anything with visitation etc and the son lives with you both, tell him he has to stop seeing her..Period. Or you are out of there.
2) You tell him to pack his bags and take his son and hit the road, and go stay with her if he so enjoys her company all the time. and...this time you sue him for Alimony.
2006-06-26 07:18:12 · answer #4 · answered by Pete 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am kinda in the same boat has you. I dont know what to tell you. I would think if the kid was that old that they wouldnt have that much to talk about but who knows. I always look at it this way, She is an ex for a reason. I have an ex myself and I try not to talk to her unles it is about the kids. I get the feeling that her and her ex talk more than that but I think it is mostly him b/c he still has feeling for her. I know this b/c she told me he told her that. Any way, you also just have to trust your husband. I know it maybe hard at times but if you want your marriage to work that is what you have to do. Just make sure you tell him to make sure he dont give you any reasons not to. Sounds like she still depends on him for alot and there is nothing wrong with him helping her out with a flat tire b/c they do have a kid involved. Which I guess he should be driving @ 17. Try not to think about those things and try to let some stuff go. I really hope things work out for you. Good luck
2006-06-26 07:10:01 · answer #5 · answered by bigdog_0032 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope he replaced your dummy tire for you. I get along fine with my ex-husband and he does help me out when I need it. We chit chat, but his girlfriend and my boyfriend doesn't need to worry.
Maybe they have decided to grow up since they do have a child together. I don't think you have to worry but I do not know your husband or his ex-wife.
If it bothers you that much become her friend. Invite her over for dinner. Get to know her you may decide you like her. Then again you may get better vibes what is going on.
Remember this saying?
Keep your friends closer and your enemys even closer.
Good luck
2006-06-26 07:14:34 · answer #6 · answered by Peanut 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you don't have anything to worry about but he does. For starters, where is he going to be staying as he has 5 minutes to get out. Either is with you 100-100 in this relationship or he isn't. And it's really that simple.
2006-06-26 07:45:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is still in love with is ex-wife and she is also interested. You should keep an eye over their movement and contacts so t hat they must not do any thing objectionable. I hope you will understand what I mean to say.
2006-06-26 07:07:20 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him, take a deep breath and tell him how you feel. But to it without accusing him of anything. This is about you and not about his stupid x! A serious talk should do the thing!
2006-06-26 07:07:29 · answer #9 · answered by Laventel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down! Something ain't kosher! Next time he goes to her rescue, why don't you go along for the ride? I would! (Of course, I do not have this problem with my husband!)
2006-06-26 07:05:56 · answer #10 · answered by heatherbee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋