Are the girls crazy? Or is it me?

Question

Here's the deal. I have a 2 year old daughter and i'm not with her mother anymore. It's been a long time since i've tried being with anyone really.

But for the past couple of weeks i've started liking this girl from work. Everything about our relationship screams "just friends" but then last friday she told me about how she just found out she's pregnant with her ex-boyfriend's baby. Now as weird as that is to hear, it didn't really deter me. In fact, i almost like the idea of helping her out through her pregnancy and afterwards. But here's where i'm really stuck... even though we talked all weekend and we get along REALLY well, she's still talking to me like i'm in the friend zone.

Am i just letting my imagination get way ahead of me by thinking we'd be good together? Am i just really out practice as far as dating? Should i just stop thinking about it? Am i over-analyzing this? How can stop over-analyzing? Is this question too long?

Answer 1

Stop right there, mister! I started reading this and got increasingly alarmed until the end. This is all wrong.

You already have a young daughter and your co-worker who sounds like she'll be a single mom will be a good match together, right?

You have to differentiate your feelings. If you were my real-time friend, I would ask you if you are willing to compromise and
settle with a woman and her baby who will probably need you a lot more in the future than you need her.

How about you waking up at all hours of the night because you have to wake up and feed the baby? Your paycheck will go directly into the baby, buying formula, diapers, etc. Are you prepared to do that? Most responsible fathers do this and will gladly do far more for their own children. From my own personal experience and observation of other step-dads however, they wind up neglecting and not caring for their step-children or even abuse them, especially as the children grow to puberty. What about you?

Also, there is a tiny little stumbling stone. Love. A lot of people confuse love with pity and just plain being a good samaritan.
Don't think that love will develope as time progresses. The seedling, at the least, has to be there in order for your prospective relationship to endure the ups and downs that will come your way.

Your co-worker is probably very grateful that you are showing her a lot of attention due to the pregnancy and that is why she's treating you like just a friend. Don't read a non-existant message. If you persist in this manner, your co-worker will get the idea and agree to see you on a more intimate level because she knows that she will definitely need a man and his income, even if she doesn't love you.

Beware!

Answer 2

I think because you aren't with your babies mother right now, you feel that you could do the things to help with this new woman that you didn't do before. It's more of a comfort zone for yourself rather than a wise step into the dating world again. If she sees you as nothing but a friend to her, chances are that may not change anytime soon, especially since she is pregnant. Chances are as well, that if her now ex-boyfriend doesn't support her through this and you are there she might use you as a rebound guy to protect her and make her feel good. Do you want that?

Why don't you remain friends with her, and try to see who else is out there for you. It may take time, but the beauty of love and finding the person you would spend the rest of your life with is not knowing where to look and who it is....and that they just show up at times you didn't expect.

So, move on to someone who doesn't have baggage and start fresh..where you wouldn't have to take on a responsibility right away (aka a new baby on the way)...but this is just my opinion.

Answer 3

Take care of your daughter. From the time she was conceived that should have been your number one priority.. Your love life is totally unimportant. You and her mother are responsible for her being and well being. If you need to get your cookies go to a whore house or get some mechanical device. It is your duty to support this child in every way you possibly can. This includes no other responsibilities that would lessen your attention or support. You made the choice to make a bad decision. Don't complicate things by making more. Instill good morals so in l5 years or less she won't have screwed up her life like you and mommy have. If you choose not to follow this advise, you will pay a more severe penalty . What come around goes around.

Answer 4

Dude, if you're in the friend zone, it's damn near impossible to get out of it. It's not unheard of, but she's about to have a whole mess of drama dumped in her lap, and hooking up with you is the last thing on her mind.

Help her through the pregnancy if you like, but you will still be in the friend zone. Move on, find another girl, preferably one without as many entanglements.

Answer 5

I didn't read anywhere that you guys agreed to be more than friends..just that you were thinking that by helping her out with the kid-she would then be with you.I'd speak with her about it and clear the air-find out if your friends or dating. she has alot more on her mind as she just found out she's pregnant..in fact she'll probably get with the ex .Your question was pretty long and you sound a little stressed..why not find a girl that's not pregnant?

Answer 6

yes to all your questions-she is obviously still into her ex esp. being pregnant by him and not ready to move on-i don't know abt. the friend zone but you are in the danger zone-she is also rebound-primed and so are you since you haven't dated so get online or somewhere and meet many other ladies(i have been in your shoes-they didn't fit well by the way;) )-this way you'll have some options and get into a groove before you make a move.

Answer 7

I didn't read anything that transitioned the connection from friendship. A girl would tell a friend about an unexpected pregnancy. You have to communicate to her that you are interested in something more.

Answer 8

I like you, you sound interesting and amusing.

But anyway, you said that you started liking her. You didn't say "maybe" or "I kind of like her." You said you liked her. I think you should go for it. Tell her how you feel. I'm sure you're a grown man so there's no need for you to be beating around the bush.

Answer 9

You sound like you might be the rebound guy. Dont get invlove for your own good right now.

Answer 10