my girlfriend is having a baby and she has no feelings for the baby what so ever.?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years and were expecting our first child. but she is not happy about it has much has i'am, and it really hurts me when she talks about getting an abortion. I every so often I think she ready it's just a front, she keeps tell her self that the baby is some kind of burden to her life. can somebody out please help me figure out what to do?

Answer 1

its just hormones take her out and make her not think about it shes scared

Answer 2

You can not force someone to be a parent, you can only expect her to give birth. Being a mother is 90% instinct and 10% desire in A MOTHER. It is highly likely that when God gave out instinct for motherhood, she was in the back of the line. But, you know what that is PERFECTLY OK. She should not be a mother in the real sense of the word, for the kid will suffer just a sure as your breathing.
Look, you don't mention your ages, or where you are in life, but if she doesn't want the kid, don't blame her, blame both of you, cuz it took two to make the baby, remember. So, sit down, discuss the REALITIES of being parents before it gets to late. If abortion is not an option, (for any and all reasons), then maybe it would be best to adopt the child out. Or, if you are able, have her sign over custody to you and raise the baby yourself, you do have that right. Just because a female has a child does not make her a mother.
Children are HUGE RESPONSIBILITIES and it is possible she is the one who is being honest about not wanting the responsibilites of being a parent/mother. It could also be that she is scared to death, and guess what she would not be alone. First time mothers often are.
No matter what the problem is talk to someone fast. You, her and the unborn child do not have much time to figure out what is best for all of you, especially the baby. There are thousands of couples who would love to have a child and can't, find one, talk to them, you may just find the perfect solution.
My young sister in law, at 17 got pregnant. She knew she could not care for a child, and abortion was not an option. She met with social services who introduced her to several potiential couples, she made a choice and when Trevor was born, he was legally adopted. His "mom' was a nurse, his "dad" a cop.
Just before she died in 1993, we reached out to Trevors parents asking permission to allow her to meet her son before she died. They agreed, and for the last 6 months of her life, she was his "mother". He was 14, a great kid, with a great family, and when she died, Trevor was happy that he had the chance to know her. He is now a fireman with a master's in fire sciences, and is engaged to be married. I am his Aunt, my husband, his Uncle, his parents are family. See, it doesn't have to turn out all bad.
Please, on behalf of the baby, your girlfriend and yourself, talk to someone who can help you both make the right decision before it's to late and three peoples lives are destroyed.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry. I can only imagine what you are going through. My only advice would be to get ready to step up to the plate and play a very active role in the day-to-day life of your child because it doesn't sound like your girlfriend is ready to do so. Her attitude may change once the baby is here, but it may not. Be prepared for that. I CAN tell you that parenthood is the most magical, beautiful, wonderful thing and you are so blessed to be expecting this little child. Again, just be ready to take on the responsibility, even if your gf doesn't. You'll love every minute of it - trust me.

Answer 4

trust me she is probably more correct about it than you can imagine.. I am tired of people who have babys then are SHOCKED at how much work they are.. I mean seriously at least she is aware a baby is a burden.. they cost alot.. and you two are not even married so probably she is also scared that one day you will leave and POW there she is as a single mom.. I mean maybe her talking about being worried is more her reaching out to you hoping for some reassurance from you that it will be ok....
perhaps you need to put it on paper your wage and your expenses so you can see if it will or will not work.. perhaps disguss adoption if you are not sure that it will work

children do FAR better in homes where:
1. parents are married to each other and stay happily married
2. parents own their own home (stability)
3. one parent can stay home with the child until it reaches school age at least, and preferably longer (eg - not raised by day-care)

also it could be a true hormonal reaction to the pregnacy and once she gives birth it could get worse or better - hard to predict, however I STRONGLY suggest taking pre-natal classes and talking to her doctor about her feelings

Answer 5

Well pregnancy hormones.. lets just say they make you do and say some crazy things. She may have mixed feelings, but sit down and ask her how she truly feels. It takes two to tango.. And even though the baby is in her body, it is your baby too. I thought the same things when i got pregnant and had alot of regrets, but I never made that trip to the abortion clinic. When she gets closer to delivery, she will hopefully cope with the fact that her lifestyle is going to change. Babies are a miracle and a blessing, and unless your girlfriend is a heartless girl, she will realize it. Make sure you assure her that you are there for her and let her know you are concerned about her feelings. That may help. Hope i helped and if all goes well congrats!

Answer 6

Simple. Tell her to have the baby and look at it. If she still feels the same, then give it up for adoption. There are plenty of loving couples who are dying for a child because they can't have one on their own.

If you don't want her to have an abortion, then tell her so. If she loves you, she will at least consider it. You have a say in the matter too, because you are the father of the child. Just reason with her to have the baby and look at it. Most women will have an instant maternal desire when they see their newborn child. If she can agree to go that far, that is the least you can ask of her.

Answer 7

it sounds like she's not really ready to give up her freedom. she feels that the baby is going to drag her down and trap her, that she won't be able to do anything after having the baby. you need to talk to her and try to tell/show her how much joy and happiness the baby is going to bring to your lives. show her that the baby isn't going to keep her from being able to go out and do things, and that you are going to be there by her side to help whenever she needs you to. that you're going to be a great father and not let either of them down. try to get her out of this depression state. don't let her get an abortion. take her out and show her what kind of wonderful things you all will be able to do with/for this baby that you could/would never have done before. having a baby is a precious gift. they bring so much joy and love into your life. let her know how wonderful it will be. if something happens that she still wants nothing to do with it, you should let her know that you want the baby. you could do just fine raising it yourself. love endures everything. there's no greater love than that of a parent for a child. good luck and i hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 8

If she isn't ready then she's not. It may be just the hormones. She is probably scared. Having a baby can be overwhelming. You don't have just yourself to think about anymore. If you're young it makes it worse. Try doing things with her to get her mind off of it or to let her know that things will be ok and that the baby will be a wonderful thing. If she really can't handle it tell her you want custody and youll take care of the baby.

Answer 9

you need to seriously consider her feelings..... if this is the case she is not ready for this big change in her life right now granted her hormones are going nuts but her brain is attached having a baby is not the greatest thing for young people it is a great responsibility 2 am 4 am feedings diapers clothes babysitters is very very costly taking the baby everywhere u go... not being able to be free to just jump out of the car and go into somewhere without taking the baby along and then they may get fussy etc there is a lot to consider you and she need to speak to a counselor for advice this maybe your and hers baby but u have to consider she is the one who will carry it and bear it not u so stop thinking of what u want what does she want????

Answer 10

Oh wow...that's gotta suck. You don't really think she would get an abortion do you? If she's not very far along, maybe her heart will change when she starts feeling the baby moving inside her. Hopefully her motherly instincts will kick in. Just keep supporting her, and reassure her that you will be there for her when the baby finally comes.

Answer 11

I take it that this is her first baby too? and that she's not in her 3rd trimester yet? if so, then her feelings are perfectly understandable. it's the hormones and bodily changes of labour and childbirth that finally "kick-in" the bonding instincts of a mother if pregnancy hasn't done it yet. perfectly normal that the child is only a "theoretical concept" to her.

i am certain that once her baby is in her arms, she will love it more than anything in the world. that is the miracle of childbirth: it changes a woman into a mother. NOTHING else can!