Why is my husband always a jerk to me?

Question

I try to be very nice to him. i cook for him and he wont eat it. i clean the house and wash his clothes. I iron his clothes and he gets something else to wear and he irons it and tells me i cant iron well. I let him have control of the tv and the sterio in the car. I take care of our son. he plays with him too. i do everything he asks and if i ask him for something then he just yells at me...i am very confused. i hurt so much. he wont ever talk to me when he wants to fool around then he just wants to talk to me for that minute then when he is done it is over. We have been married 5 years, this has been going on since the first few months of marriage. i have tried what i think is everything. can anyone tell me what to do?

Answer 1

i've been married 16 yrs and i still cant understand why man are jerks. (some of them) i believe honestly that it is not good to stay in a relationship if u r not happy, but for your child's sake ,you gotta make up your mind and do what your heart tells you.

Answer 2

don't let him do this to you, change the radio station in the car, don't cook, don't clean, or wash his clothes. Don't iron, and take control of the tv clicker. Don't have sex with him either, basically, go on strike, and when he asks you why, tell him that you are not respected or appreciated. You need to stand up for yourself because nobody else will. I was in this situation with my ex-husband 10 years ago, and I will never go back to the slave I was then. I am married again, and I know who I am, I joined the Army reserves and got my self esteem back, I now go to college and am halway through. You don't have to stay with this man because it seems that you are not happy, but try marriage counseling, it might work, I wish I would have had some advice when I was going through this but I had nobody to turn to and I became severely depressed. Please don't take this from him, respect yourself. If you want to talk ever, im me or e-mail me, my e-mail is public. Also, I realize that you may be thinking that divorce is not an option because of your child, but your child can see unhappiness. Your husband is making you small near him to control you and is not respecting you. It is not your fault, it was probably a gradual thing, this treatment, and now you are realizing that it is wrong. This is a good step. Seriously though, I am here if you need to talk. oh, and what he is doing is mental abuse

Answer 3

well most of the guys are jerks, so don't feel to bad. if you love your husband then why are you complaining no disrespect or nothing like that, but I'm sure you knew that he was a jerk be for u married him right? i know that men do stupid things but what about when he does good? my man was so lazy,but i still loved him. he didn't eat dinner every night but its was OK. when you start telling him how to treat u and stop letting him treat u the way he wants, he will see it he might not like it but if he loves and respects u hell get over it my man did.

Answer 4

Quit trying to do for him and let him do it himself if he's so fond of it. Sounds like he's a mental conrol freak, making his life out of keeping you off-balance and dismayed, as you obviously sound. There's a term for what you are going through - mental cruelty - and it is grounds for divorce.
If the man cannot treat you any better than that, appreciate you more than that, there there is a serious problem with your relationship, and it appears that it may be with him.
Marriage vows say that you will be together til 'death do you part', but it doesn't say the death of what -- respect? Love? Caring for your mate?
Children involved always make divorce decisions tough, but you have to look to your own peace of mind and sanity. You cannot let yourself be driven nuts by a control freak who belittles everything you try to do for him as a wife. Sometimes you just have to know when to throw in the towel and seek those greener pastures. It doesn't sound like he has much feeling for you other than contempt - and that's always a dangerous situation to be in. You may want to seek some personal counselling before making any decisions, but it sounds to me like you are in a relationship that has already grown tired and will only get worse as time goes on.

Answer 5

unfortunately i know what this is like, but there are no set answers. it is a control issue with him. it is considered abuse also. look up some articles on emotional and verbal abuse and you will recognize him in them. in kids, it's called 'oppositional' meaning they express anger and frustration toward authority by saying black when you say white, no to every offer, etc. anything to not be agreeable. in marriage, men who feel insecure with themselves try to manipulate their partner by keeping them upset and the more you try to make it good and happy, the harder they will resist. again, i still am looking for ways, because they will not admit this to you or themselves. sometimes if you threaten therapy or divorce, they give in and a therapist can make them see what they are doing. not always. i'm sorry. i know how this is hurting you. i really do. at least read about it and see if that helps. good luck and god bless.

Answer 6

Why is he treat you, like he is a jerk?
Per your own typing, he is a jerk.
Live the life, or find a divorce lawyer.
Life is to short not to be happy with your mate

Answer 7

You may want to try reading the book, "Love Languages". It may be that you are communicating love in a way that you understand it, but he doesn't. I know many people in relationships (including myself) that this book has been a real eye-opener for.

There may also be some bitterness going on there that he has not dealt with--keeping it locked up inside instead of dealing with it, and letting it fester. In that case, you just have to confront him with this information and ask what's going on.

Answer 8

I am not married but it sounds like this dude is taking advantage of you. I would be more assertive and tell him how you feel whether he likes it or not.If he isn't taking your feelings seriously then I would start doing things for myself like garden or take dancing lessons or something like that. Or find stuff you can do with your son. Maybe if you focused all your time and attention on other things, he will realize what a beautiful and wonderful woman you are.

Answer 9

I agree with what jonny blaze had to say I too went through this same thing with my ex and after we split up he came to realize he was afraid to share his feelings with me. Sometimes its alot harder for men to do that I am not sure why I guess it doesn't come as easily I think. However I do hope you guys work it out because with our relationship well too much hurtful things happend and there is no way for me to go back try counseling usually they say individual then couples is best. Good luck wish you the best.

Answer 10

I'm sure he does love you but hes taking you for granted way too much!! just start doing things your way. try not showing any interest in him...don't be rude because you don't want to start an argument. Hes just thinking that your never going to leave and that since you don't do anything about it, hes going to just stop putting out the effort to respect you and do things his way. i just went through this with mine. he treated me so bad for about 6 months and i didn't know what i was doing because i was doing everything that you are. just try doing what i have suggested and see if it works. it really helped my situation. things are great now. good luck to you.